I must be a terrible picker of nursing homes, or they are all this way?

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Moved ALZ dad from a NU to a MC this past Wednesday. As reported, found out the NH had not being giving my dad his seizure med for a whole month due to a clerical error. Now in three days at Memory Care: Went 30 hours without fluids as they did not have the Thick It and everyone (MC, NH, hospice) was all pointing fingers at each other as to why the orders were not in place. It could be any, but I would think in the meanwhile, the MC would not let him go 30 hours without fluids. He is supposed to have nebulizer three times a day. First MC said they equipment had not come from hospice. Finally did last night. Today they said they had not received the nebulizer meds from pharmacy. I called pharmacy to ream them out only to be told they indeed delivered it three nights ago, at such and such a time, and signed for by a certain named nurse. So they confirmed they had it but could not find it. Finally they found it. They said his neb time was at eight to night. I said the heck with that, he is supposed to have it three times a day and he has not had it for three days, do it now. I called the hospice nurse who called the MC to raise hell (hospice is a godsend) and finally they did it. He was supposed to have a thickened ensure type drink with meals, and they always claimed it was coming from pharmacy that night. Yet the pharmancy told me today they made very clear to the MC that it would not be available until Monday. So I have been with my dad at meals all the time trying to assure he eats OK as in the past he would have a supplement drink to add if he didn't eat well. Its tough enough to watch my dad fade away the way it is . The reason you pay money to a facility is to have the peace of mind your LO is being taken care of, but I feel I am the only one making sure of this. Maybe this is just normal with all facilities, especially in the early days and you need to advocate. I was mad at the SNF we took him from, but looking back, they were probably not so bad. Am I just having bad luck or is this typical for places?

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thanks NiceNurse. That had been my hope too, to have him at home. Initially the reason was he so much wanted to be at home, now I think he doesn't even know where he is. The problem is even if we hire outside help which is expensive, and even though I would go their house to help my mom a lot, my mom is against it. To be fair, it would represent the biggest burden on her, but she is also paranoid about strangers in her home. We are planning to move him from this MC back to a SNF the hospice people highly recommend, and as a bonus, his veteran status will cover the whole price at this VA Contracted home. I don't want to think its all about money. But if the SNF is BETTER and FREE, its sort of a no brainer.

The MD associated with the MC hes now at visited him. The MD confided in me this MC has gone downhill since a big turnover in staff and they are in a bit over their head. I had done a lot of investigation and thought I had heard good things, but the news from the MD explained a lot of things. She supported our idea to move him to the SNF. She was a little apprehensive about saying this as the MC is sort of her client. Anyway, the MD stopped by dads heart med as she thought it was contributing to the lower blood pressure. I called the hospice nurse today to tell her this, and she said the facility was supposed to immediately notify her of any med changes, which they did not do. So I get the feeling she is aboiut to call the MC to read the riot act. Hard to not feel guilty that I have perhaps put my dad through a tough time we could have avoided. I guess in the end of the day, he has so much life left anyway and one choice or other wasn't going to change things a lot.

A little aside: I have mentioned on here how my mom is neurotic and makes things more difficult for me than my dad. Yesterday after meeting the MC MD, the MD brought me out in the hall. She said your moms anxiety level is through the roof. (I felt like saying duh, but she saw in on my face). She went on saying, it is off the charts and she rarely sees that, and my mom should be in an assisted living herself. (mainly, to make sure she takes her prescribed anxeity meds which she does not take) My mom blew a gasket when the MD mentioned that, but that sort of supports the MD point. This casued my mom to not like the MD, saying she didn't know anything. I said if that is the case, the social workers at the hospital, the social worker at the previous SNF, the speech pathologist at the previous SNF, the chaplain at the previous SNF, none of these people know anything either as they are ALL saying the same thing.
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Reply to Karsten
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I am retired nurse in ga. I visited all nursing homes here and surrounding areas. After one year I put mom in N.H. For 3 days and brought her home. I was crying everyday and seeing her there broke my heart. Same as you, each day no ensure on her tray. The newest, nicest N.H. Here told me they puree whatever other residents are eating. I visited on weekend and servers had cart with prefrozen pureed food. The admissions lady still denied this when I questioned her about diets. Also aides had between 8-12 clients per day. There is no way you can take care of that many properly. I finally found daycare that gave me 5 hr break per day and I kept her at home with me. Everyone said I could not do it alone, but it is posdible. Personally, I hate N.Hs . We had limited income. My mom worked all her life and raised 3 children alone. I found out if you have lots of money, then you can get good care. My advice is keep her at home if at all possible. I don't trust any of them in ga. I worked as R.N for 31 yrs here!
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Reply to nicenurse10
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In my experience it is pretty typical for things to fall through the cracks, especially with each transition between levels or types of care. It's not just you. :)
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Reply to TwinCarer
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yes, with a hoyer lift and sling. But they need two people to do that.
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Reply to Karsten
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By "lift" I assume you mean a mechanical with a sling.
And there are no showers at my mom's nursing home, since everyone needs assistance they were removed in favour of tub rooms. Many of these people haven't been able to submerge themselves in warm water for years and it is a thought of as real luxury!
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Reply to cwillie
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OMG, someone's trying to lift him into a tub? Don't they have showers there? Or better yet, don't they have no rise shampoo and soap products? And this is a hospice aide? Yikes.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Surprised there's a tub in memory care - roll in showers and chairs seem the standard

Most memory care facilities are not allowed to leave toiletries even bar soap in the room as the demented don't recognize things and some will eat or drink anything
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Reply to MsMadge
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Tub? Can your dad no longer sit in a shower chair?

No soap? Oy!
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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not enough time yet but not impressed. An aide from the hospice came yesterday to give my dad a bath and trim nails, etc. She needed an aide from the MC to help lift him into tub but couldn't find anyone around. Couldn't find any bath soap. Could be kind of moot as we will probably end up moving him to SNF where he can to to for free essentially saving my mom about seven grand a month. But the MC has a money back guarantee if you are not happy in first thirty days, you get your first months payment back plus five hundred. That is not the key issue, but if things don't improve in next few days, may have to exercise that as well.
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Reply to Karsten
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Karsten, how are the "improvements" going at the facility? Any change?
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