I miss my me time! Does anyone else feel like this?

Yup, yup, YEAH! I miss it? Dad is more clingy than ever. Won't even go to the senior center any more. Makes some lame excuse--Even though they pick him up right in front of the house! He doesn't want to socialize w/ anyone else but my bro & me. (Sigh) Wish I could be more of a help to you. Good luck!

Cleverdish, the only way we would get such programs to help with re-entry is through raising taxes.

It's not always about raising taxes. It's about recognizing the effort and sacrifice: of our futures and our earning possibilities. Just like our veterans have job preference (God bless them) longtime caregivers who have had to 'give up' careers and earnings should be either eligible for transitional training or use their years of experience and expertise to an advantage somewhere. It's not just about "me" time... it's about re-entry.

Cleverdish, I would be more than happy to have my taxes raised so that an elder can either stay at home being cared for by a relative or have care in an assistant living or nursing home facility.

But how many of us would vote *yes* to raising our taxes to cover that expense? Heck, some communities can't get the voters to vote *yes* on educational improvements.

There are 63 million of us doing this. It's time our 'elected officials' hear from us. In Great Britain, caregivers are PAID to stay home and take care of their folks. Statistically, we save Uncle Sam 43K a year for each family member cared for at home.

Oh my God. I know that feeling. It is like you're suffocating. I took care of my father too. I would wake in the morning and just lie in the bed because I knew the moment my feet hit the floor he would be calling for me. There was no alone time. I loved my dad with all of my heart; he was a great father; wonderful husband but after the passing of my mother and then his illness, things changed. I left the privacy of my own sanctuary and moved in with dad so that I could care for him. It was very, very difficult. I've written a book that tells the story and that encourages the Caregiver. Caregivers like us need all of the encouragement we can get and we need to know that we are not alone in our feelings. Please pick up a copy of my book "Behind Every Dark Cloud - A Caregiver's Heart" by Bernita A. Glenn at Amazon or AuthorHouse. I promise that there are some stories in there that you will relate to. Caregiving is a very thankless job but I believe we are called to do it. God bless you on your journey.

When my mother was in better health and talking about living with me, she talked about having our separate times and we discussed ways to do this. She suggested she have her own coffee maker so that we weren't all on top of each other in the mornings. I suggested her own microwave so that she could make her own tea throughout the day and be in her room doing her own thing, if she wanted to. Also, her own TV.

When she moved-in, though, she's now mostly confused by the TV remote, so she doesn't watch TV without help, but she does have the ability to read the instructions on the simplest TV dinner to make herself something if we go out without her.

She can make a PB&J with prep before we go (she can see the bread on the counter, but has to be reminded that jelly's in the fridge; she's never understood where the PB is, so I take it out and put it next to the bread).

We're careful to have time to ourselves, family time (Mom, spouse and me), and time just for spouse and me. I make kind of a big deal about this so that she notices that we do fun things all together with her. When she really can't go, maybe because there's too much walking, I'll talk to her about the fact that we're not purposely not asking her along but that we realize should couldn't/wouldn't go because of the walking. I think she does feel hurt when we run errands without her, because that's not really quality time for my spouse and me. So, if the errands are too great or the store too big, we'll mention it over lunch where we're going and why we think she's not coming. Once in awhile, we take her anyway and she likes to sit in the car and look at the fall colors, though. Sometimes, if it's not that we're specifically having our own spouse time together, we'll just ask her to come along and, then, she's pretty much okay that we desert her for our spouse time.

It's a tough balance and she is probably more understanding than some might be. She is a bit of a loner, though, and I suspect she likes it when we leave her alone a little - she gets peace and quiet, finally! :-)

Me and my husband feel exactly the same way after moving my parents (ages 90 & 95) in with us. We were finally "empty nesters" and really enjoyed it, but, it is what it is for now and we'll get through it. I also have to set my alarm on weekends so I can get up before them to have my coffee and thoughts before the madness begins!

I think it would be good if married people let the parent know they needed time alone in the morning and evening. tgengine, your father giving you some time sounds like it makes it better. Talking about having time for your mate doesn't have to be heavy. Most parents will remember what it is like, even if they have dementia. tgengine, I can tell you have a great dad -- he understood what you needed without having to be asked.

I miss my me time too! My wife and I were empty nesters, things were just getting good between us living like newlyweds again. Then the stress of the moving in of dad. Don't get me wrong I truly love my dad but it is a stress. It was my idea to move him in and my wife is great about it but we are all trying to figure it out. There was no other option.
Dad figured out we needed quiet time in the AM for my wife to get ready for work and he has been great about that not coming down until she leaves at 7. That is awesome! He does give us chill time when she comes home from work. it is just the having another in the house that is difficult, the looming issue. We generally have to make an excuse to get us for us so I feel guilty. We are looking forward to a week with just us while he goes to visit some relatives. I am giving up mu annual hunting trip he and I go on every year so he a can go alone (with family) so I can get some me time with my wife.
Yeah, I miss my me time! I guess I carry too much guilt....

I call on family, although they are not much help. My son has agreed to spend an entire day with my mother so that I can work one Sunday. Never mind any me time...

I would love to have me time. To get it, I only fine it by going to work. At times l'm resentful toward my husband and friends, who have the freedom to do whatever they want to do. We are all in our late fifties and early sixties, we should be having fun and relaxing. I keep thinking maybe, next week will be better, but I know it will only get worse, as my parents conditions decline.

Sometimes I entertain thoughts about killing her and committing suicide... It's the hardest thing I've ever done and we have a live-in caregiver helping. Even though I love her dearly and would never harm her, the abusive behavior she doles out lately and the garbled speech along with not knowing who I am is too much. She's 103 and until her last birthday in July, she was mostly lucid, but the poopy pants along with the denial over the past 4 months is just too much. What is "me" time? I'm lucky if I get to sleep through the night. Mostly I get 2 - 5 hours on good nights. She naps all day long. I also work full time from home running my own business/

I saw a female jogger today. She was straining as she ran. Around her waist was a leash and attached to that leash was a big old dog. Hmm, what a perfect metaphor for my feelings as a "caregiver"! Took that idea to my shrink. We discussed how I can only be free of this dog if I forgive the past and present, but she empathized how hard it is when I feel attached and hurt by my mother all the time. I am running towards my goal: detachement and let love and freedom ring. I imagine a big pair of sisscors to cut that leash.
How do you feel about that image for your situations?

I sure hope I can learn from all of this so when the time comes for me, I can try and ease the people that are caring for me (if I'm that lucky to have someone to do this). Of course, this is difficult when you're loosing your mental and physical control. So, I guess we have to do the best we can on both sides... But, on the caregiver side, we're the 'able' ones so we should do the best we can to keep our health... we need to get as much help as we possibly can, and sometimes that means 'forcing' ourselves to get out of the caregiving environment for a while (even if you have to pay someone).

Can your children endure a couple hours - even if she doesn't want them around- for 1xweek or a similar arrangement? Your adult children can probably handle the situation OK. Wouldn't have the grand kids at her house. Is it possible for one family member to gather the grandkids and take them on a short adventure while you're getting a little time to yourself? This may free up a sibling to help.

edwardo, maybe they don't want to know - maybe they feel fine knowing someone is taking care of her and that they don't have to do anything to make it happen. It might require more than merely telling them how much you're doing. If you want it to change, you might have to make it clear that you won't keep this up and that they need to work with you on a new plan. If they don't, that her money will start going toward whatever caregiver you pick to take over some/all of your responsibilities.

I am a 24/7 caregiver for my disable x-wife because her children will not care for her.How can I explain to them that i am burnout and need help.
I tell them but they don't listen. i have been taking care of her for 5 years with no help now I need help.

Amazingly, I've forgotten the person I used to be. I don't have regrets of taking care of my mother because it's my personal decision as her daughter. I've learned through the years that it's a double-edge sword that a caregiver has to balance to keep your sanity and health and it's not easy at all, especially with no or little help. But, after being majorly scared by some anxiety induced health 'issues', I know if I don't (force myself) to take breaks, I won't be good for anyone, including my self. I'm off to see a friend and daughter next week across country that I haven't seen in decades!... A much needed break for both my mother and I.

I began taking care of my dad at my home in "2005" when he was diagnosed with dementia, he passed in "2010" and the following month my mom moved in because she was having a hard time taking care of herself due to heart problems. At the beginning I was just happy because I could care for them. However, after a few years with my mom as she began declining in health and had no one else but me and refused for a caregiver to come to the house and me being the obedient daughter that I was, I just took it all on myself. - I start being rude and resentful; I felt like I was drowning. In April of this year my mom passed away and I am now dealing with the regret of my actions that last year she was alive. I did not want to have any regrets about the care of my parents and that is why I cared for them. - Right now that is all I have,
-There is so much help out there for caregivers, if the one you are caring for refuses, - do it anyway!

Currently, I can only leave town for the day. Mom is confused is the mornings. I have to be there to get her started with her day. Fortunately, I don't need to be around for the evenings, so she can get to bed without me.

However, that's kind of my own choice, in a way. I haven't gotten motivated to find someone to "watch her" if I wanted to go away for a couple days. Also, I dread bringing it up with her as I know she's going to be hurt that I'm getting a "baby sitter" for her. I'm trying to think of the best way to broach it with her. Additionally, need to get my butt in gear and figure out how best to do this.

I kind of want her to stay at home so that she's not disoriented in a strange place, but I'm not sure how to go about finding the right person to stay here. I've looked into respite care, but some of the facilities seem to have a limit of two weeks and that would be too long and too expensive.

So, while there are ways to get a little time to ourselves, it's not always easy to figure it out, either.

I've been helping care for my mother 7 years now. She was in assisted living and is now in a board and care home. I'm fortunate that she saved her pennies and doesn't have to live with me, but no matter where she is, they always call "the family" when there's a problem. When mom was independent, I had a part time job, and we traveled a lot. Now I worry about leaving town, let alone the country. The last time we took a vacation, mom wound up in the hospital, and I spent a lot of my time trying to stay on top of everything long distance. My husband and I are in our early 70's, so want to do more traveling, while we're still in good health. I've decided to be selfish, book a trip and count on the staff at the board and care to handle any emergency. Amazing how well you can stay in touch with a cell phone and a laptop.

I do know how you feel. Sometimes, I get a bit short with my mom for similar reasons. I have had a few talks with her to let me get one thing or another done before I can talk to her or help her. She forgets and will try to grab me when I'm reading, doing laundry, etc... but I'll remind her that I'm in the middle of something, right then, and she's been pretty understanding. The "something" might be a chore I just want to get done or it might be something for me, like reading a book.

I'll admit that it now takes me practically forever to finish a book, though.

Dear fancinana, why don't you get her a caregiver that can stay in the house for 3 hours with her, and use those hours for yourself on whatever makes you happy, or relaxed...good luck and God bless

Omg YES. I moved in with my mom to help with her. She is in fairly poor health and a hoarder extrardonair. Have mercy. But the biggest thing is I work all day come home and want a little me time to read quietly watch a TV show. By she constantly interrupts me she screams every time a dog barks. She has three. She putters and baby talks. I just want peace. I have my own space upstairs but if I go up before 10 she whines that I am abandoning her. I an a very patient person but please tell me how to get some me time. Oh and I pay half the household bills and she doesn't want my children or grandchildren around. Sorry my first venting for a long while. I just want some quiet time.

I really feel for you.
I took care of my aging mother for 14 years.
What worked for me was to adjust my schedule to be closer to hers.
She liked to sleep in late every morning, so it gave me time to make sure I got some "me time."
A great time to get some "me time" is when they are sleeping or doing some supervised day time activities for seniors.

im alone now and all my time is me time . i wasnt really cut out to be alone but dont care much for annoying friends . its time for grandkids but unfortunately they live in fla . i guess in the meantime im still looking for an old gal like aunt edna . if this old gal wasnt incarcerated in nh right now shed be splittin wood , layin stone , hunting , gardening or anything else her man was doing . she is and was an american pioneer and homesteader and all the " enlightenment " now or in the future wont make her role shameful or less respectable to me .

I know the feeling very well..I was the caregiver to my 83 year old mother had lung cancer and I was her caregiver 24/7 7 days a week...I had days I wanted to scream....cry..I to felt guilty..my mom was bedridden because of a hip fracture..I watched her take her last breath..Oct.4th..Now I wish I had her back..I have my freedom....but I don't have my "MOM"....Cherish your loved ones...but do get time to yourself.

Yes! I love my mom dearly and brought her to live with us 3 years ago. I cannot quit my full-time job and recently had to get some in-home help. Between my job, my mom's increasing physical and
mental decline; and several other life factors, solitude and "me" time are almost non-existent unless I stay up way too late. Sometimes I just feel so exhausted and overwhelmed.

My Aunt & I split the caring for my mother. She was with her from Monday afternoon to Friday afternoon and I was there either Friday night or Saturday morning – Sunday night. If we left her alone for too long she would decide she needed to run an errand and drive herself. I finally got the Dr to take away her driving privileges, which she of course resented.
During the week I was working in another state but took whatever time off I needed to take her to any appointments. Getting to Mom’s was almost a 2 hour drive and then her medical appointments with any of her specialists was another hour or more. I was fortunate that most of the time I could schedule a couple of the Drs. on the same day. At this same time our son was a teenager so while at home I was dealing with all that entails and during her last summer he broke his leg. On top of this my husband was working nights and still in the Army Reserves, one weekend a month and usually three weeks annual training. Needless to say my “me” time was rare, usually limited to the time it took me to drive home from work or her house.
Mom passed a few years ago and I do not resent for one minute the time I spent with her. Yes there were times when she pushed me to the limit and times I got short with her. Had I known when we transferred her from her last hospital stay to the NF that it would be her last week I would have brought her home to either her house or mine. At the time it was the week school was starting for our son, he had just gotten his cast off and then reinjured his ankle at school.
I know while you are dealing with this it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but once the family member you are caring for is gone you will know that you did what you could for them when they needed you. Please seek out assistance and support groups, breathe.