I miss my me time! Does anyone else feel like this?

"Me" time needs to happen for everyone. I have told my mom she is not to come upstairs before 10am. It hurt her feelings but now she is starting to find projects to do and stay's down stairs longer. I think when they move in that they feel it's your house and they do not feel comfortable doing things with out you. Mom is getting a lot better. If they have a hobby try to get them back into it. Took me a year but she is now sewing and crafting but be careful because if they can't handle what their doing they will ask you to help and then "ME" time is really a thing of the past. Unless you like their hobby too and in that situation then its a win win on both sides. Mom and I were sewing together the other day and her attitude changed overnite and she is a pretty happy person again and now branching out on other projects. Hope this helps.

Healthy Food is Faster to cook. My favorite meal is steamed vegetables: brocoli or cauliflower, beans or edame (soybeans), mushrooms, slices of sweet potato, or carrots, zuchini or yellow squash, red pepper strips, etc. It is fast (under 10 minutes), healthy and colorful. You can make a dip of good quality peanut butter, sunflower butter, blended with almond milk, or coconut milk and a dash of red pepper or sweet chili sauce. Just whisk the nut butter with the other ingredients to make it creamy and more liquid. Instead of the milks, you can also use the vegetable water beneath the steamer: just a tablepsoon or two to thin it out. Dipping the cooked veggies in it tastes great and is fun to eat. Don't overcook the veggies. I find a big plate of this is plenty to eat. Later dessert is a serving of fresh fruit. Now what could be simpler than that?

I never tire of this meal because I have different veggies and sometimes I invent different dipping sauces. If you like cheese; make a cheese sauce. Keep it whole and simple and fast. I like a Thai inspired vinegar, water, Sweet Chili sauce combo too.

Another easy meal is cut up roasted root vegetables. Cut up brussel sprouts in halves, slices of beets, sweet potato, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, chunks of cabbage, slices of onion and garlic: toss with a little olive oil and salt it all slightly. Put in oven for about 40-45 minutes on 375. Check it halfway through and give it a stir. Easy peasy and fun to eat. I dumped the leftovers into a simple salad the next day. After that the last bit livened up some leftover turkey soup.
Cooking doesn't have to be hard.
Eating raw as much as possible is so important and so easy.

Me time is often gained by taking my mother with me and having her wait int he car while I do my shopping. She gets to watch the people go by, sit in the sunshine and change her scenery while I snatch 15 - 20 minutes in the store. Fortunately I can still count on her staying in the car while I'm gone. I know that many of you are not even able to have that much.
The other thing I do is to stay up very late while the house is quiet. I get up to a couple of hours that way. I can sleep late when her care-giver prepares breakfast sometimes.

Dear all. After alot of hoping, finger crossing and prayer I got to go on holiday. I had a hard time.not worrying about my mom. Around day 3 my sister had to sit me down and assure me that I was supposed to relax and that mom was in good hands. We had a family friend, sister and home care nurses taking care of her. I had nothing to worry about. I know I am extremely lucky to have an opportunity to go on holiday. I hope you all can make it happen for yourself.
Love O

I realize now that "me" time is alright for me or anyone else to have & the amount of it is freely determined by the person who needs it. Putting things into perspective is crucial. I am in charge of me & you are in charge of you. I say what goes for me & that is that. I no longer resent others who don't offer their time or resources, as it is their life, time, & resources to spend how they want. I do the best I can, now & do what I need to for me now without apologizing. As the poem "Invictus" goes: "I am the master of my fate. I am the Captain of my soul." Believe it. I make it my truth. blou

WendiLu, I apologize for snapping. It was one of my worse days. I know you meant well.

Dear OJ 1977 - I'm sorry that you are facing such a disappointing time, not only are you worried and heartsick about your parent, but the little rest you could hope for has been snatched from you.
I checked with my county today and found out that they offer respite care, visiting nurse and meals on wheels. This is something new as I have looked before about a year and a half ago. Check with your county of city. I'm going to look into respite care. Unlike some of you who have no help, I have a great lady who lives with us, but she can't work 24-7. I can only afford 25 hours per week, but she often goes beyond that. We are both needing some respite at this point. Mother has taken quite a downward turn since she turned 103. In fact all of 2014 has been a downhill slide. We love them so much it's hard to watch them wither away. The strong loving parent is reduced to a mentally deficient weakling.

Tnx for the thoughts. Had a caregiver here for the first time for a 4 hour shift. Was really good to talk to someone and not needing to repeat due to hearing loss or cognitive misunderstanding.

@Sherri - WendiLu is commenting, not twisting anyone's arm. If it helps her deal with what we're all dealing with, it may just help someone else.

@gladImHere - The bane of my existence, the dreaded Time Change! I can't deal with it at times, let alone someone with lost brain function!

One night I was so upset I had to wait for her bedtime, so I just told her, I'm going to give you your eye drops now and your last pill for the day is on your nightstand. (It's not an important pill)

That went on for a few nights before she got up from the couch on her own and said, I'm going to bed now. I nearly dropped! I believe (I don't know this because she's not verbal) she didn't like going to bed without my tucking her in and playing the music on the CD.

In the afternoons, I take a nap. She doesn't like being out here without anyone, so she goes in to take a nap, announcing it for the entire world to hear.

One other chore I don't do is cook elaborate meals. By elaborate, I mean anything over thirty minutes. Every meat I cook is baked for thirty minutes @ 350 in a pan on foil that I can throw away. You can do this for boneless chicken, fish, small pork chops, pretty much anything. I never peel potatoes anymore. It may be more expensive, but there is just the two of us, and the small portion of salt she is going to get out of that serving is minimal. All vegetables are frozen. Desert can be sugar free Jello with Cool Whip for her. I sneak the good stuff later.

My mom is on a very strict diet because of heart/kidney/diabetic issues. Davita has been a great site for me, showing the food she can eat. I've modified my way of cooking them to suit my time limits. Flat breads are good for sandwiches as long as fillings aren't too much for her to chew. Soups are good, and it's where my thirty minute limit isn't practiced. Some pea soups can be made in pressure cooker. I do mine in slow cooker. Again, no huge amount of time spent preparing, and in the slow cooker, no need to constantly watch.

There are so many things that can be dropped off the to do list is you're willing to let them go. My house doesn't always look that great, but hey, it's either me or the house. For now, I'll take me.

I had some *me time* this morning, finally.... it was my annual physical with my primary doctor, took an hour.... ok, I realize me time should be something nice to do, but I will take whatever I can get :)

Me time? What is that? I have been caring for my Mom for 4 years alone, everyone tells me call me, I 'll come help, however when I call they always have some excuse, so I no longer ask, now mind you I have 2 sisters and 7 brothers and am the youngest girl, that has always ben there for my Mom and will be until the day she dies! I just keep in mind my day is coming, it may take years ( mom is 87) but when that day comes they can all forget my name and number, including my husband of 36 years! I just want to go be alone and forget they exist because that has what they have done to me and my Mom! It will be a bitter sweet day- but it will come! They will need me long before I need them, and answer will be a flat NO , no excuse given!

I feel guilty that I find myself upset when Mom comes out of her room in the morning and if I'm honest, the afternoon or evening, too. I find myself resentful that she's up earlier than I wanted her to be. I just cringe when her door opens and I hear the familiar sound of her walker coming down the hall. We give up so much of ourselves for our parents, that instead of feeling happy, I find myself resentful. I'm so grateful for the times that I don't feel that way. I used to think I was a nice person, and now I'm not so sure.

I don't mind someone talking about their faith, since this is a group for all people. I have to admit that telling myself to put things in God's hands helped me in my father's last months. It made me realize that I couldn't fix things, that I had to let them go. That took away so much stress.

My mother has a young woman from the church who comes by every month to check on us. I know she would try to be there if I needed her. I don't know what she could do, because she is a bit dizzy, but it is good to know someone is there to help.

My mother's church has a support group that meets. It is only once a month, though, so I don't know how it could be much help. I don't go, because many of the complaints I have are not very godly. Still, it may be a good group for the right people.

My brother's family, OTOH, are staunch primitive Baptist types, whose daily focus is on serving God. They rarely visit, though they live less than an hour away. My brother calls occasionally. My mother thinks that they feel we are going to hell. I feel that their lives are busy with their church family and caring about her would be inconvenient -- no fun at all. They are probably glad that I have it covered here. Yes, it feels ugly. If they were the only examples I had of Christians, it would paint a bad picture indeed.

People are just people, no matter how they paint themselves. Some people give too much, others take too much. Still others just pull into themselves and hiss at the outside world.

Wendylou - Thank you for your desire to be inspirational, but I am sure many caregivers have their own religious faith. I think all the caregivers have been more than willing to sacrifice their lives and I don't think any family caregiver is selfish. Many, many caregivers are very religious. But it does challenge your faith to see this cruel disease rob people of their minds and their identities. It is one thing to be aware of it logically, but to see it happening everyday to your family is a different thing entirely. Where are all the houses of worship and their efforts to provide caregiver respite? Where are they holding meetings to inspire and encourage caregivers? It is one thing to preach to our fellow human beings to blindly trust in God when they are facing heartbreaking suffering. It is another thing to demonstrate their faith by offering themselves to help caregivers whose hearts are breaking and minds are unable to cope with endless daily tragedy. If this was daycare for our children, they would be there. But for our elderly, there is limited support. They don't even offer special religious services we can take our elderly with dementia to. We need more religious leaders to practice what they preach, and help caregivers catch their breath.

Dear Sherry1anne.
The trip is up in the air as i am spending another night in the hospital with my mom. So i might have jinxed it. Lol.
we all have different levels of care giving my mom...if she has someone at home to help her and make sure she takes her meds she will be OK
We are looking into a rehab facility for her so she can get the help that she needs in terms of building back strength in her arms and legs as well as treat her asthma.
I know i am lucky to get me time in the form of a trip...i know. And I do hope.i havent jinxed it.

All we have is our disability income, i can't work nor would i have the time to if i could, i am his caregiver 24/7. We have applied to the state for some help but they said it could be 2 years before we could see anything.

I don't need to know. However, I'll ask this question that only you can answer. Have you the monies to hire someone to come in and help? If so, I found my caregiver who is with a reputable company & is trained. Maybe you can?

I have MS, so does my boyfriend but his is far worse, he is in a wheelchair and can't do much for himself, but his mind is constantly going, thinking of things for me to do. We also have 2 dogs and 3 cats. I do get so tired of being the only one who can do the physical things. It seems like every 5 or 10 mins i got to get up and get someone somthing. I feel guilty for feeling somewhat resentful, my life is not that bad, it used to be a lot worse, I was married to a alchoholic and drug addict. My BF now is a wonderful and supportive man but sometimes i don't think he realizes that i am to disabled, just cuz i don't really look like i am on the outside. So all that being said i do want some me time, the only time i really get is if i go shopping but i can't be gone to long cuz they all need me!

Wendylu. Let's just stick to topic and not try to "save" one another. I don't appreciate the reference to seeking God. Personally I feel that this site is not the place to evangelize. I have my own spiritual path and seeking an external god is not include. Who says God is a he? But thanks for the thought anyway, I know you have your own faith. It's just not mine.

Loki2013 Movies??? they still have those. It's been 5 years since my hubby and I went to a movie. Oj1977, trips??? what are those??? I'm lucky to get to go to the grocery store for an hour. Work is my time that I have to myself. I relish driving in the car for 30 minutes each way and often turn off the phone while in transit.

Yes Freqflyer and Heart to Heart, we do need to get it out. This is our forum. I appreciate the support and information that I get here.

I have a live-in caregiver who gives me 25 hours a week so I can work + a great yardman who both will watch her anytime, but the trouble is that things are so intense right now, it's taking all of us. At least I have been able to sleep at night the past week. I hope that I don't jinx the good luck by talking about it.

Yup

And I hate this freaking time change! Mom is now up an hour earlier, then will not go back to bed! But will sit in a dining room chair and start to fall asleep. Oh the contrariness of elders with Alzheimer's.

Oh yea. When he says "good morning", I wish him back to bed for 20 minutes in my mind.

Heart2Heart, you are correct, but get it out to whom? I know just about all my friends have stopped calling because they were tired of the *pity party* but I just wanted to vent, and they couldn't relate. I vent to my sig other but it's like venting to the mirror, he already knows all about it, and agrees 100%.

Thank goodness for this forum :)

I also know I feel better when I vacuum the rugs, but it stresses out the cats.... so it's not a win-win situation.... [sigh].

Dear Sherry, those thoughts are not good. I know we need to work to survive, but sometimes we need to sacrifice a little and let God take control of things. We're selfish is our nature, but we need to know when to stop for a while and sacrifice for the ones we love and care. Seek God and His plan first, including happiness and peace will fall into place. when you get this negative thoughts, talk to God, His listening.

I was just thinking this past weekend about how unhealthy it is to keep everything 'inside' of you. You have to let it out! If you don't, you'll get sick. Force yourself for your own good to get out and let it out.

Me time... I don't get much of that. But as a couple of friends who know what I am dealing with (very few know) have been a very good support system and advised me as to how important me time is. I do get an hr here and there. But it's for me to run an errand or two so its not a real me time moment as i sleep next to my mom every night i am with her 24/7 except when i am in the bathroom. Sometimes i have to skip showers just because I dont want to leave her alone. I dont have kids, but i wonder if this is what it feels like to have toddlers. .. (?)
I am however looking forward to a 9 day holiday where i have one of my sisters and a friend of my mom who will stay with her. Its is going to be my ultimate me time of shopping, beach, spa treatments and everything in between. I do believe that its going to help me be a better carer for my mom....who is in the last few weeks improved in some areas.
I urge everyone if you have someone to help you and that can take over for a few days, take it, have some me time. ...it needn't be a holiday away but maybe a day at a spa or a weekend away depending. Do it. You will be a better carer if you care for yourself.

I, for one don't want the government paying me to stay home and look after my mom. The more you get from big brother - the more they meddle in your business.

since 2010, we've been caring for my 89 yo blind deaf father, he has not been able to walk for 2 years, so we, along with the VA, do everything at his bedside. me time is the respite at my work, eating right, exercise, sleep, music, movies and camaraderie with others that are going through it, or have been through it. Hugs to you. b.r.e.a.t.h.e.