Follow
Share

My dad is 83 and lives with me and my husband. I am so exhausted from having to stay up late or get up before the crack of dawn just to have some alone time. Sometimes I am rude to him because he gets up early right after me and I can't be alone with my coffee and thoughts. I feel so guilty for being "mean" to him. I just miss having some quiet me time. Does anyone else feel like this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
For me, *me time* is time at work where it is the only place I am not constantly thinking about my aging parents [90+] who still live alone in their own home.

Never in my wildest dreams would I had ever thought working outside the home would be a *vacation* :P
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

I don't know about others, but I miss my "others" time. I have so much me time around here. Mom watches TV all day while I do the chores, meds, shopping, etc. Sometimes it seems like it is all me -- me doing this and me doing that. My mother is lost in the TV and often gets mad if I interrupt the Waltons to talk to her. We live in a neighborhood of 20-something year olds with babies, so there's no neighbors to visit back and forth. I have to go places to look for people closer to my own age. Sometimes I feel pretty pathetic, having to go look for friends. I have never been a great socialite, but I have never been this alone before. It is awful. I feel like I am 100 years old already socially.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

One of the HARDEST times for me, when I had moved my mom into our home, was that precious morning "all by myself coffee time." As soon as she started to hear noise though, she would be up and for me that meant my "me time" ended quickly, and resentfully. My SOLUTION!!.....I bought a very simple Sound Machine (from Amazon, though I know the baby stores carry them too) and put it discreetly under her bed. I set it to the Babbling Brook setting.....and it has been MORNING BLISS ever since!!!:)) The sound machine covers up the other sounds in the house and "morning me time" is now a happy, well needed time once again!! Hope this is helpful to some of you who expressed that same problem with those dreaded "first footsteps!"
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

I miss being able to decide what I want to do and when.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

You are not alone! That was the most difficult for me when my Mother lived with us. I went from doing lots of volunteer work, lunches with friends, projects galore to always being on call 24/7. Found myself getting up early to just sit outside alone for an hour or so. Finally hired a companion for Mom for 5 hours a day twice a week and kept my sanity.

Check with your local senior services group or home health care provider for services your Dad might be eligible for. Is there a day program nearby for him to attend? Many of them provide bus service, depending on the size of your community. Do you have family that might give you a day off or at least a few hours a day each week? How about a weekend off every month?

You must take care of yourself and your own family first! Your emotional and physical health will be affected by caregiving if you don't put yourself first!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

littletonway, there are senior day programs in our community but he is never interested in going unless I can go with him. I feel like, in his mind, I've replaced his wife. I'm always trying to be so respectful towards my dad, that sometimes I just can't find a way to say what I should. He's lived with us for a year now and I think it's time I try to find some way to set some ground rules, but don't know where to start because I don't want to make him unhappy.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I agree that it is very difficult to find alone time when caring for a senior. It absolutely robs you of any strength and sanity. Some of us have the additional problem of spouse and child feeling resentful of the time you must spend caregiving. I don't have any answers except that you must think of yourself first, or you will be of no use to anyone else. Don't feel guilty about knitting ( I am also a voracious knitter) or reading or just sitting quietly. My mom doesn't have dementia, but has always been selfish, and raised her son to be that way. I think we are always going to upset others no matter what, so keep on doing what you need to get through the day.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

What I resent is the fact that my own parents had a lot of *me time* for themselves back when Dad retired at 65, and he and Mom would be out traveling, sightseeing, going to museums, eating out, going to the movies, vacationing at their favorite resort twice a year and was doing all that until they had to stop about 6 years ago [both are in their 90's]. They had a grand retirement for 25 great years.

What am I doing at 68, none of the above. I am still working mainly for my own sanity and to have people of other age groups to talk to... yet half of my free time is running here or there, driving my parents to appointments, etc.... and the other half of my free time is trying to catch up with my own household chores, my own groceries, my own doctor appointments.

Gone are the grand plans I had for retirement. All that saving and scrimping for what? Oh well, will all my health issues due to stress, I can get a really nice assistant living facility for myself :P
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

SPEAK UP to your parent!! I know it's not easy to disappoint our parents or to cause them to be sad or mad with our choices, but YOU are sad, angry, etc. etc. and that's not fair to YOU! Let your dad know "Dad, I really need some "me" time, so I'm not going to be available to you for the next hour.....Or, "so I'm going to be going out one afternoon a week to spend time with friends, shop, etc. How would you like to spend that time?" Your parent doesn't have to like it or support you in it, or agree. They may try to guilt you, but do it anyhow. It gets easier. So what if they're mad or sad? It's part of being a human being, and just because someone is elderly doesn't mean they get to be exempt from disappointment, sadness or anger. They, too, can make some "sacrifices" of not having you around if and whenever they want you. If your dad won't go to the senior center without, you "I'm sorry to hear that dad. I thought you might enjoy getting out of the house and talking with other people. But that's your choice." And then drop it! Don't try and figure out what he can do next, and don't make yourself readily available to start "entertaining" him right then. Most of us want the easy way to get our wants/needs met and aren't inclined to make change without some level of discomfort. This includes your DAD! He, too, can make some sacrifices in his wants/needs as a result of living with you. It doesn't have to be a one way street just because someone is elderly!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Yes! I love my mom dearly and brought her to live with us 3 years ago. I cannot quit my full-time job and recently had to get some in-home help. Between my job, my mom's increasing physical and
mental decline; and several other life factors, solitude and "me" time are almost non-existent unless I stay up way too late. Sometimes I just feel so exhausted and overwhelmed.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.