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In the last couple of months my mom has become mean and hateful. She says mean things to me and our granddaughter (more to me). She cussing's at me, tells me I need to ask her permission before I do anything in "her house." It really hurts my feelings. That's not my mom. Out in public she acts sweet and nice, behind closed doors, she can be evil. I know by us moving in, we have invaded her privacy, peace and quite. What can I do besides find somewhere else to live?

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JoAnn29,
It's hard, I don't want to hurt my mom, her personality is different, I'm sure having us there is different for her as well. I have talked to about us being there, she said she likes us there, I'm not so sure. She keeps back to when I was growing up, things have changed since the 70's. I love her very much, the last thing I want to do is hurt her. I'm looking for a place to move. I will have a talk with her. Thank you
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I sort have been there but 40 yrs ago. Had to give up my house in a divorce. Had to move home. My Dad was ill and had a teenage brother still living home. Then my other brother got an early release from the service. My daughter was 1. I was on my own in a year. My daughter was so much better out of a house that everyone was telling her what to do. I am sort of OCD. Hard for me when youngest had to come home when she lost her job.

But I see where ur coming from. Moms behaviour is not her. Maybe she feels she is losing her independence. Maybe she likes her privacy. Like said, you may have to sit down and have a talk when grandaughter is not around. Maybe ask Dr. what he thinks. Walking on egg shells is not fun either.
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Lymie61,
Thank you
I'm worried something is going on with her medically. She doesn't talk about how she is feeling. She just gets mad and blows. I love my mother very much, I don't want to ruin our relationship. I appericate her being there and letting us come stay with her. Where we live it's hard to find housing. I know everyone is right, that we differently need to move. Thank you
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The time may or may not be too far off that your mom will need the help and a caregiver, it doesn't sound like your there yet so doing everything you can to find a place for you and your granddaughter would be my advice so you aren't already tired of each other and in a bad place when she really needs your help. I hear you saying you have always had a good relationship with mom that she's not acting like herself and I can't imagine you want to stress that relationship. I don't know if mom offered or you kind of gave her no choice because you didn't have one but obviously she wasn't ready to have others living with her long term yet and you probably aren't ready to be living with her either. Talk to her about it, tell her how much you appreciate her taking you in but you can see it's been more of an upheaval than you ever planned and that you are working on finding another place for you and your granddaughter.

If your concern is that there is something wrong with mom because of what seems like a personality change having a conversation with her about the situation, laying your cards on the table so to speak should give you a better idea. You know your mom but I'm guessing if her attitude changes after the conversation it will be because the burden of not knowing how to tell you it's just not working for her has been lifted and if it doesn't change and she is still harsh or gets worse even then maybe a check up is in order. But it isn't just about you and mom, as you know, your granddaughter is affected here and you don't want her relationship with her great grandmother harmed by all of this either.
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Well ladies I have my "BIG GIRL PANTIES" on, I work a full time job, I do help pay the household bills and I buy ALL the food. Thanks for your advice.
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But you live in your moms house.

You have turned her life upside down and you aren't taking responsibility for that. It's just, oh yea, I know, but she's evil. That you said what you did, makes your motives evil in my view point.

So, no you don't have your big girl panties on, a big girl moves out of her mommies house and takes care of her own family and responsibilities.
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Can you really blame your Mother? She's 75 years old and still having to work to provide for herself. I doubt that she would be very happy if the two of you move in without contributing to the bills. My brother is 69 and STILL living in my Mom's house. He
hasn't paid rent or anything else for about 18 years. How pathetic!
That's what you call taking advantage of someone. I agree with some of the others. It's time to put on your big girl pants and become responsible for your own needs.
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JoAnn29 May 2019
Really, the problem here was ur Mom. She should have put her foot down long ago. Her house, her rules. Thats why my girls choose to have their own places. 😁
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Yes, the time has come for you to pull the trigger d move out. Mom needs her home back. Explore low income housing. If you aren’t working, start looking for a job. Save up money for rent. Explain to your mother what your plans are and ask for her patience. Then follow through. When you do move out on your own, apply for any assistance you might be entitled to.
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She is quite frankly sick of you living in her house.

Time to put your big girl panties on and get a life and home of your own.

To continue to subject your granddaughter to so much upset is inappropriate and you need to find a place where you can raise her without all the tension.

There are always 2 sides to a situation, what would your mom tell us about her late 50s daughter moving into her home with her grandchild?
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It sounds like you know what to do.

A move to your own place will be healthier for everyone.
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