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I had someone coming in but she is unreliable. I need a break and will have to place my mother in a facility if I don't get help. She has severe dementia. Finding someone to drive 30 to 45 minutes seems impossible. I am paying privately. What does anyone suggest?

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the suggestions above about interim ways to get some relief and help for yourself are good ones. This will give you time, space and a clear head to address the long term plan for addressing your mom's cognitive issues - and there may be known and unknown health issues. The options may likely include getting a diagnosis from a doctor that she is "homebound" and Medicare will pay for the (skilled) care she needs in the home. This is interim care. If your mom needs more help than this, she may qualify for a nursing home level of care designation (seems like you suggest this is possible). The care could be provided in a NH or at home. Medicaid will pay for this (unless your mom has assets that exceed the limits, in which case those assets can be used to pay - then Medicaid may come later). With help in caring for her, you may be able to avoid placement in a NH at this time, especially with you continuing to supplement the care, but with a more rested you.
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The website care was a godsend for us......we are also in rural area and found a gal close-by who was great!! We live in rural area too......it's free for limited features or small monthly fee for more features. Wishing you all the best and do keep seeking and asking for HELP because you deserve it!
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The answer from purposed was directed to daisylady,dated november 30.
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Hi. My heart goes out to you living in rural area. Have you called the eldercare in your area ?they have resources & also depends on whom your have as healthcare provider, they have a Case Manager who should have answers. Dont be afraid to ask.
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The website care was a god-send for us. Found a gal close-by and we live in rural area too......she was great! It's free or small monthly fee.
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The website care was a godsend for us......we are also in rural area and found a gal close-by who was great!
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I encourage you to look after yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using elder care facilities. They range from day care to secure residential memory care homes. It's not like it was 30-40 years ago where they were some awful combination of insane hospital & prison.

Make sure the day care facility is willing to take someone with advanced dementia. They may have limits on the kind of care/attention they can provide while someone is there, and if their dementia is beyond that level, daycare might not be a good choice. E.g. they won't change incontinent briefs, or may not directly feed anyone. The elderly person may have to be able to sit in a wheelchair vs be bedfast. Ask, tour.

And also look at your choices in your community for memory care. YOU do NOT have to pay for that. It comes out of your mom's money and then when her assets are spent, Medicaid comes in to pay. This is the way it works now days.
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Clubhouse Adult Day Care Center is an adult day care center, located in Falmouth, KY 41040. Adult day care can give caregivers respite by providing a center where elderly parents can be taken for a couple of hours or the entire day and picked back up later. The day programs include social activities, meals and general elderly supervision.
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I would think that people in a rural area would be in need of work, but have you considered taking your mother to a larger city that has a respite facility? I might check to see how much it would cost for her to stay there for a week or two. That might give you some rest time and time to search ore for helpers.

Is it just you in the home as the caregiver? That's really tough to do. I would think you are already overwhelmed. Have you considered placement for her in Memory Care or Rest home? If you have a couple of weeks with her in respite care, perhaps you can explore all your options, the costs and figure out what option is best for your mother.
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