I live in a nursing home and hear a few people yelling help. Nobody responds to them for an hour or two or three. Is this at all acceptable?

Pureenergy, you're a kind and caring person. I'm glad u can be an advocate for others. When my mom(without any dementia) was in short term rehab, she picked up the "Help me" habit. She did that for a month after coming home. Had nightmares, didn't sleep well and was very traumatized. The whole ordeal she went through breaks my heart.

A woman who temporarily was placed in the room next to my Moms did this. The staff explained that the woman was waiting for a bed in memory care and don’t want my Mother or I to worry. The staff at my Mothers facility is wonderful but there is no one on one care unless the family pays for it. The staff does not have to time to respond to every verbal call especially when they know it is a result of dementia.

I see you as a caring individual but I also don’t want you to stress yourself out over this.

My mom did this too but I can unequivocally say that in her case it was the result of an unmet need that she couldn't articulate properly. While she was at home I could play 20 questions to figure it out and alleviate the things that usually set her off, but in the nursing home they had neither the time nor the inclination to do so.

PureEnergy,

Are these help calls in normal Tone, pitch and volume? Is there something else routine? I would not worry about it then.

Im more worried about your exposure to this sound, frankly. You should not expect a screamer as your roommate, nor be subjected to it.

You are a lovely soul for caring for these other people. I think if you can offer anyone near you company or comfort you absolutely should. It obviously will benefit you as well as them. I hope you are being well taken care of, you deserve it and more. My love to you.

Thanks to everybody for giving your answers. Just needed to know that I am not alone with my opinions.

Some people are going to yell, sing, plead for help, call for a loved one or just make sounds and unfortunately that may be normal for them. You are right though that it sometimes means they are distressed or have an unmet need, and in my opinion staff should be at the least checking on them and attending to their physical comfort.... I also agree that people shouldn't be left in bed unless they are acutely ill.

I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress and I don't have any good solution for you, because this is a system you are powerless to change it may be best for you to detach and attend to your own needs as much as possible 😔🤗

This is going to sound terrible - but it is what it is. There is a sweet little lady at my FIL's nursing home - we haven't had a chance to find out her name yet - when we mention her - we literally just call her the "Help Me, Help Me" lady (we are not making fun of her, let me be clear). Because she vacillates between sitting in the communal tv room yelling for help, or rolling her wheelchair down the hall, yelling for help - to having very sweet conversations with other residents and the nurses. I have seen the nurses say to her "You are fine hon. " and go back to work half a dozen times in 20 minutes. And she will stop. And 10-15 minutes later she will start again. That isn't sustainable if they have to do that all of her waking hours.

In all of FIL's rehab visits - and they have been numerous - (there have been at least 15 that I can remember) - they have all been shared facilities with nursing homes. And I cannot remember a single one that did not have at least one resident that did not yell for help multiple times throughout each visit, that did it because they had dementia or ALZ, not because they genuinely needed emergent help.

Unfortunately - when people have Dementia or ALZ or other mental illnesses even - this is not uncommon. And while it is very sweet of you to be concerned, it is also impossible for them to respond to every single cry like that. And they KNOW which residents do that and which ones don't. They aren't ignoring pleas for actual help. Not really. And there may be other things going on that you are not privy to that may also be going on.

If you want to help - and I find that commendable - you may want to ask the staff what you can do to be helpful to both the residents and to them. What things you can do to be of a comfort to the other residents, that won't get in the way of the staff or interfere with protocols that may be in place for certain residents.

As far as less help on the weekends - that is very common in nursing homes. It is much easier to find staff who want to work during the week. Even 3rd shift. Far more difficult to find staff who really wants to work consistently on weekends.

Remember that the staff there are doing their best to provide balanced and consistent care to a large number of people with a wide spectrum of needs. And they can't be everywhere at once. And just because something looks one way - it doesn't mean it actually is. And honestly - I'm not really sure what you are expecting them to do about the people who are yelling. They can't make them stop. And they don't actually need help. Short of sedating them 24 hours a day, which I don't think they can do, they are doing what they can do - which is to let them live in peace in the home they live in. And it is very unfortunate that it disturbs other residents. But it is also unfortunately part of the disease.

You have made it clear to us that you have no dementia, PureEnergy. But bright as you are, and as computer literate as you are, I know that you will be cognizant that many in the nursing home DO have dementia.

Often, in advanced dementia, the mind goes in a sort of circular and repetitive journey in which some certain sentences such as "help me, help me", or "take me home, take me home" become a sort of litany that the person him or herself is almost not aware of. Some have more complete sentences building to a paragraph, or even a short "story" of their life: one they repeat over and over again.

That you are attempting to be helpful to others is lovely, and I would imagine that MOST workers appreciate it, but it's typical of nursing home staff that they are often understaffed and overwhelmed, especially at bath time or meal time or bed time.

It's kind of you to provide what solace you can to others; I imagine it was always your way throughout your life. I wish you the very best. I would imagine many there are grateful for your kindness.

When I would visit mom in rehab I would hear old women saying, “Help me! Help Me!” It is very sad. They were obviously afraid of something. I suppose they had Alzheimer’s disease and who knows what was going through their minds.

Unfortunately this is quite common. My MIL lived across the corridor in her NH from a man who shouted ‘help help help’ every minute or so, for hours and hours unless he was asleep. He didn’t need any help, at least no help that he wasn’t already getting.Yes, there are people who want to go ‘home’ when it’s impossible (or when ‘home’ may be their childhood home, long since gone). Some people with AD have something they repeart all the time without even realising what it means. Perhaps there may be a few people who have indeed been incarcerated against their will, and are quite capable of living elsewhere, but they are rare.

If you can give your friend some comfort, you are doing a great job. But think carefully, and talk to the staff, before deciding that your friend is being mistreated.

My own sister was in hospital very recently, and had a guy like this across the corridor from her. Her reaction was that he shouldn’t be in a standard hospital making all that disturbance. You may think the same about ‘shouldn’t be’ in a standard nursing home or AL facility, but the fact is that there is nowhere else for those people to go. Your, Margaret xxx

So very sad...
This does not sound like a good nursing home. It is not acceptable for staff to ignore cries for help. If/when you see relative of the man who is left in bed all day, you definitely should inform them. You are a kind soul.

Thats very sad and frustrating. Many places are short staffed, unfortunately.

I think you helping is great. You have a great heart and should continue to spread support.