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My mother in law who has dementia lives with us. She wanders all over the place and put things anywhere even trash so I find myself following her so I won’t have rats. She’s nasty. She hates to take a bath and it’s a constant battle but we don’t want her to stink. She’s mean and gets mad when we try to help and I mean we have to help her even to dress. She talks out her head and is very wobbly. We feel she needs more than us, she needs professionals. We have been trying to get her in a facility but with her Medicare she has limited options. We are working on Medicaid and we have a hospice nurse and doctor coming in to see her when they will come. The whole ordeal is slower than Christmas. Some people get all the help and when we need it it seems to not happen.

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I don't understand the problem with Medicare, unless u mean Medicaid. Medicare has nothing to do with finding facilities. Its health insurance. Now medicaid is another thing. MIL must meet the income criteria for the State. There is her monthly income from SS and any pension she may have. My State allows just over $2300. Her assets can't be more than 2k in my state. You need 5 yrs worth of bankstatements and other info. In my state its a 3 month process.

Why do you find the need of hospice. Does MILs PCP think she only has 6 months to live. Have you tried any meds to calm MIL down.
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If you bring her to the hospital ER ask for a 'Social Admit'. They will know what you're talking about. Tell that that she will not be allowed back to your home because you cannot and will not provide care for her or a place to stay.
The hospital will admit her and keep her there until they find a care facility that can accept her.
This way will certainly speed things up considerably. Many people have to do it this way with their elders. It's hard on a family because they often feel like they're abandoning their 'loved one'. You're not. Sometimes it's the only way to get the placement someone needs. Good luck to you and I hope you can get your MIL placed soon.
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Have you asked the hospice social worker to assist you in finding a place for her? They are there to help you and get the help that the family needs more so than the hospice patient. I would start there.
Nursing facilities also have social workers that can help you and assist you with the Medicaid process as well as finding her placement, and will tell you that your MIL can be placed prior to her pending approval with Medicaid.
And of course you can have your MIL brought to the ER, and then tell them that she cannot return home as she is just too much for you both. They will then HAVE TO find placement for her.
So these are some options to consider. Hang in there. there is light at the end of the tunnel. God bless you.
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2022
I hope WandaH listens to everything you have said here because all of it is true.
Sometimes the best bet is to bring the elder to the ER because that will speed things up and they will find her permanent placement.
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