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She came here in 2023 to live with us, because it was too hard to continue taking care of her house on her own in Vegas. She had a surgery about five months after she got here, it was supposed to be just overnight, she was in the hospital for three weeks and then had to go to a rehab place. While in the hospital, she ended up in the ICU with an infection. She was on a ventilator for three days and in ICU for 10. She actually came out of all of that OK, but she had to go to a rehab center to gain her strength back, while she was there, she ended up getting a serious UTI, pneumonia and sepsis. She has never fully recovered cognitively. I took care of her for as long as I could, but she has been in a memory care facility since February 2024, so it will just be nice to get on here and hear other stories and get advice. It was just such a quick change mentally from when it all happened, and it’s just so hard not to have her be her anymore. 😢

Yes, it is. And this is the nature of aging in a country where, to be honest, we all live too long. I am 82--almost 83, and definitely feel that way. I would happily volunteer for the last cocktail and last long nap at this point. The trajectory is downhill. This is something family doesn't fully understand when an elder comes to live near or with them. It takes but one incident to change everything.

Now saying this, it does of course take one incident to change everything for any family at any time, due to accident, illness, injury. But with elders it is a certainty.

Sue do welcome you to Forum, and sorry for all you are going through.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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My mom has been living in a memory-care assisted-living facility for about 1 1/2 years. She was doing okay until about six weeks ago. Since then, about once per week, she'll have an "episode" of some type and we'll think she's going to die imminently. She has been receiving hospice care for several months, so we know that everything that can be done for her medically and for her comfort is being done. And she's almost 97 years old, so it's not a tragedy that she's declining. But witnessing her hallucinating, as she has been doing off and on for the past week, is difficult, as it is to observe all the other things (e.g., being unresponsive for a day, increased confusion, intense anxiety). I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone, but it does help to come here and learn that other people understand what my mom and we are going through.
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Reply to Rosered6
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I love that you were wise enough to know when your moms care was just too much for you, and that she's now being taken care of in a memory care facility where she has a team of folks looking after her, and where you can get back to just being her loving daughter and advocate and not her burned out and overwhelmed caregiver.
If your mom was in her right mind she would most certainly tell you that you did the right thing for all involved.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Saddaughter63 Jun 21, 2025
I already love this forum! I hope all is going well with you!
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First I am glad your mom was close when she had this health crisis so that you were available for her.
As "we" get older is becomes more and more difficult to recover from any illness. the fact that you mom had a lot piled on top of each other made it more difficult for her to recover and return to her "baseline cognition". Just expect that with each illness she may not bounce back like you or I would.
Watching a loved one decline is difficult
Welcome to the Forum. Any time you have a question, want to vent this is a good place to do that. Know we have all been there in some way.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Saddaughter63 Jun 21, 2025
Thank you so much!
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Hi, and welcome! It sounds as though you have been through a roller coaster. There is much hope and help here. Stick around…
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Reply to Danielle123
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Saddaughter63 Jun 21, 2025
Thanks so much!
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