I just dropped my husband off for respite care. I feel like I've abandoned him. Did I do the right thing?

For those of us who have been caregivers to a LO with dementia, guilt seems to be the prevailing emotion. It shouldn't be. The difference between a caregiver and a great caregiver is the great ones know their limits of caring. Few of us are the great ones. I know I wasn't. There's a point where we just can't go on w/o some relief. 5 days to yourself is wonderful. Going beyond one's caregiving limit can result in becoming synical, totally stressed out, and neglecting the needs of our LOs. The guilt comes from thinking we should do more when, in fact, we shouldn't. He'll be OK and because of his "vacation", you will be too. You've made the right decision. I know it's hard, it's emotional, but it's necessary for your wellbeing.

I wish you well.

I totally can empathize. It feels like you're abandoning the person you love. But I will say that exhaustion takes all of your negative feelings and escalates them 100-fold.
Try and take advantage of this time to catch up on some rest. I know the feeling is while you have the time, "let me clean the house, and catch up on laundry, and run all my errands, etc.", but this is time for you to recuperate! You will be a much better, more caring, more empathetic, more efficient caregiver is you use this time to get some much-needed rest.

No one who is doing what we’re doing has the luxury of thinking “best”. We think SAFE, CLEAN, and well staffed. You have done that.

You have a responsibility to yourself, as YOUR OWN caregiver. You are using your five days to meet SELF RESPONSIBILITY.

You will learn from these five days, and you will have an enhanced sense of dealing with your needs and the needs of your cherished husband as you move forward.

Hoping YOUR five days of respite bring you renewed energy and peace,

I always try to encourage people to give up the word "guilt". Guilt is for felons who do evil with knowledge aforethought. Guilt assumes that there is a CURE for them if they have a "come to Jesus" moment or some such. What you are feeling is GRIEF. Grief over having to leave your husband in the care of another because you simply cannot go on. Grief that you are not a Saint and cannot make him better. Grief that you are losing him, and he is at risk, and he is unhappy. Grief is something that cannot be fixed. You must mourn. And that is what you were doing in the parking lot. I think you have likely some anticipatory grief also. You are losing the one you love while he is still with you. You have lost the ability to communicate with him and make him understand. And you surely must know that there is coming a time when he must go into care permanently because you cannot go on. Please recognize and accept your limitations. Try to accept that he cannot understand much as the 2 year old you leave off at child care cannot, and there will be tears and unhappiness for you both. But then try to get on with some quality of time. If every second that you now have off duty is spent in mourning then you are giving yourself no break at all. I am so sorry. I am so very sorry. This is painful. There is no easy answer. Not everything can be fixed. You are doing your best.

I know that was very hard for you to do, especially with the Covid restrictions in place, but please, please, please don't beat yourself up over it or feel guilty. You said it yourself, that you know you need a break, and I'm sure you do. Caregiving is exhausting, and it's so important that you get a respite from time to time, so you can get rejuvenated and be able to carry on for who knows how much longer. You can't do yourself or your husband any good, if you are burnt out and running on empty. Please take this precious time to rest, and do things that you enjoy, and kick the guilt to the curb, as you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You deserve this break! God bless you.