All my father-in-law wanted to do was live independently and still drive. We made all of those things happen. Now, he can't do anything for himself and claims he is too sick. What are we doing wrong?


I just don't know how to deal with my fil. All he wanted was to live independently and still drive. We took care of everything for him to make those things happen. Now all of the sudden he can do nothing for himself, claims he is too sick even though the Doc gave him a clean bill of health for a man his age (77). Doc said let him do whatever he wants they cannot find any indications of dementia or alzheimers. (This conclusion was given by his Primary, Neurologist and Psych Docs after three days of testing and oberservation in the hospital just two weeks ago) All of the sudden now he he is too weak to drive or walk through the store (his words) sleeps all day, refuses any help from a caregiver we hired to help him with household chores and is just generally mean and hateful. We are not even having Christmas at our house this year because he is so hateful to the family. My daughter made all arrangements to have it at her house. Which is fine but it seems we are always changing our plans to accomodate his moods. If we say yes to something he says no. If we say no he says yes. Everything has to be done his way or we have no peace. If he wants to go somewhere or do something he manages but right now seems to be going through a poor pitiful me stage again. What are we doing wrong?

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Did any of the doctors change any of his medications while in the hospital? If so, they may be interacting with his usual medications, or finally, "kicking in". I would review any new prescriptions with his family doctor. If he has been given a new psychiatric medication, it may be creating these nasty behavioral side effects. Some of the literature for these new medications say they should not be given to elderly patients with certain conditions, from what I read, he does not have any of these, but, still, they affect the elderly differently than a younger person.
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If you continue to give him what he wants....he will continue to push you. Some parents CANNOT BE PLEASED no matter what you do.
How long are you going to jump through the hoops before you lay down some boundaries???????
They will destroy you if you give them the opportunity!
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