Oh I have that feeling every time I see those ads on TV ! The wonderful happy clean engaged elder, the happy family surrounding them,,, eating with no mess, watching TV at a normal volume. you know,, the ALZ dream.
It's a little presumptuous of you isn't it, poodledoodle? Assuming the OP was forced into being her MIL's caregiver, husband 0 contribution, OP 100%, and no one's slave? The OP doesn't offer any circumstances regarding her caregiving.
Caregiving takes many forms. To some, the task may be rewarding. To most, the task is demanding, physically and mentally exhausting, emotionally overwhelming. Long term caregiving can result in frustration, anxiety, exhaustion, anger, depression, etc., etc., for the caregiver. Any of that sound rewarding? Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. To those who feel caring for their LO (or even their MIL) is a rewarding endeavor, I applaud your resilience, your commitment, your concern for the well-being of others.
To the OP, know your limit of caregiving... are you there? If, indeed, you are the sole caregiver, you are not obligated to care for your MIL. If she is not able to care for herself, however, I think there is some RESPONSIBILTY, to insure she receives proper care. Evaluate your options.
Ask yourself why you are doing this. Look closely at what benefits now and in the future this may entail and to whom.
For instance, do you live with them? That will be total hell if so. You are literally providing $200K of services to this person just so you two can sleep there? Hon a Super 8 efficiency apartment is better.
If she's living with you and sucking your family's resources, now is the time to tell DH that it really is either HER or YOU and any children you might have. If generosity to her is affecting your children's college fund or your joint retirement, time to apply for Medicaid. It's not your fault that she didn't prepare to have enough money (and it may not be her fault either), but in any case there's just not enough and you can't do $200K or even $100K for free.
I took care of my mother. I did not find it rewarding at all. It was a lot of work with no support from my siblings and no thanks. I did not treasure that time. She was uncooperative and demanding. I got no thanks or appreciation for my efforts.
It's not even her mother. And if she kicks off, technically it won't even be her inheritance in the state where I live. I would just tell DH I'm not doing it and I'm leaving her house if she is there, or make her leave yours if she is there. You can help by placing her or offering her resources, but you don't have to offer $200K of services to this leech.
You made me laugh :).
Poodle Doodle
Caregiving takes many forms. To some, the task may be rewarding. To most, the task is demanding, physically and mentally exhausting, emotionally overwhelming. Long term caregiving can result in frustration, anxiety, exhaustion, anger, depression, etc., etc., for the caregiver. Any of that sound rewarding? Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. To those who feel caring for their LO (or even their MIL) is a rewarding endeavor, I applaud your resilience, your commitment, your concern for the well-being of others.
To the OP, know your limit of caregiving... are you there? If, indeed, you are the sole caregiver, you are not obligated to care for your MIL. If she is not able to care for herself, however, I think there is some RESPONSIBILTY, to insure she receives proper care. Evaluate your options.
I didn’t assume any forcing.
We don’t know any of the facts.
I said “probably”.
Have a nice Sunday :).
We’ll all trying to help each other.
Poodle Doodle :)
For instance, do you live with them? That will be total hell if so. You are literally providing $200K of services to this person just so you two can sleep there? Hon a Super 8 efficiency apartment is better.
If she's living with you and sucking your family's resources, now is the time to tell DH that it really is either HER or YOU and any children you might have. If generosity to her is affecting your children's college fund or your joint retirement, time to apply for Medicaid. It's not your fault that she didn't prepare to have enough money (and it may not be her fault either), but in any case there's just not enough and you can't do $200K or even $100K for free.
'
I understand. I’m sure it’s very tough.
Part of the problem is that it’s not your mother. You’re caring for your husband’s mother.
Also: you were probably forced into this. Your husband probably contributes 0, you 100%.
Please find a good solution.
You’re no one’s slave.
Poodle Doodle