I have to make a choice...but it is so hard. How did you decide what to do?

How is getting burned out being pessimistic? Your husband doesn’t understand what you are going through emotionally and physically. It’s exhausting being a caregiver.

You’re drained. You do need respite. You have to do what is best overall for everyone involved. You would get rest and your mom would be cared for.

If you decide on a facility your mom would be cared for. You can visit and be her daughter again without the stress of being a caregiver.

All the best.

Why are you paying for Aides. Does Mom not have money of her own?

Here in the US at age 62 we can start collecting Social Security. We also have Medicaid for those who cannot afford a Longterm care facility or may need aides for help. Medicaid is based on the monthly income of the individual. The income of those he/she may live with are not factored in. Do you have such services in Italy?

Going to be blunt here. The elder who needs this kind of care IS the person who has the need, right? Of course they must do what they have to do to take care of THEIR medical problem. It is, after all, their problem. So why should they not think that someone else must sacrifice? If facility care is possible, then the elder should be OK with going that route to meeting THEIR needs. I'm thinking of a great aunt who decided she would be be a burden to her daughter, who had many health problems. Decided on assisted living and loved it! As she said to her daughter - "I know you mean well, but your house is BORING!" To most of us, socialization is really important.

I am looking for respite care for August when we will be on holidays (company closes for 3 weeks) but because of the pandemic they will tell me if the will take my mom in July!
I have a plan B and I will ask our aid to stay here for 3 or 4 days... She already told me she will not do more nights.
I hired her through an agency but here in Italy it means I pay the agency but that's it no social worker or psy.
I will call the social worker of my town though...
And I will find someone to have at least a free Sunday

From reading your post Anche71, it's time to find a different living situation for your mother. You can't go on like this and I'm sure your mom doesn't want you to.
You say there's homecare aides coming to your house. If they are through an agency and not private-pay, then the agency they work will have nurses on staff and at least one social worker. Call them and ask to have a meeting with their social worker. They will be able help you in how to find a living situation that's best suited to your mother's needs.
In the meantime if you really need some time off, there are nursing homes and other types of elder care facilities that offer respite care which is a temporary short-stay. Respite care can be anywhere from a few days to several weeks. If your mom goes into a place for a respite stay, that will give you time to meet with a social worker and maybe check out a few nursing homes, AL's, or senior living communities. I wish you the best of luck.

When caring for a loved one begins to take a toll on the caregiver it is time to think of alternatives.
Start looking for a Facility that will meet her needs. Assisted Living or Memory Care if that is what is needed.
You could also look into the possibility of Hospice. At least with Hospice you will have someone that will come in a few days a week to help for a little while.
One of the advantages of hospice would also be that working with the Social Worker they may be able to find a Facility that will have an opening before one would normally come. (Hate to be blunt about it but...with a patient on Hospice a facility may realize that the person will not be around for years so a bed might become available)
To your question would a facility be best for your mom....having you burnt out, tired, frustrated, possibly angry probably does not do wonders for your mom either. I am sure she would rather see you more relaxed and more like her daughter than a caregiver.
This does not mean you are giving up, it means you can focus on making sure your mom gets the best care possible.

Thank you for your reply. I will call tomorrow for the facility and in the meantime the agency to find someone for at least 1 Sunday per month as suggested by my therapist.

You are now at the point where you must do what's best for you, or you will end up being in the statistics where the caregiver dies before the one being cared for. And honestly you know that a facility is the best and only solution at this point. Your mom will do just fine in one, and you will be able to get back to just being her daughter. I know that you're mom does not want you dreading life the way you do, all because of her, so sit down with hubby and tell him things are going to change starting today. You deserve to be happy and live your life the way you choose. You did your very best in trying to care for your mom, now it's time to let the professionals have their turn.
Will it be hard? Of course it will. But anything worthwhile in life usually is. So please don't delay in getting mom on that waiting list. I wish you the very best. May God give you His strength to do what you know is right and best.