I have to get resources for a place for mom. My health is in immediate, extreme duress. I need help that is a real solution for her care.

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THOUGHT I WAS DEAD. LAST FRIDAY I EXPERIENCED EXCRUCIATING PAIN ALL OVER MY BODY (FIBRO) HEAD INCLUDED. CHALKED IT UP TO FIBRO & TROOPED THROUGH. THE PAIN IN MY HEAD WAS EXPLOSIVE SATURDAY,B/P 200/110== WENT TO URGENT CARE, WHO SENT ME TO ER BY AMBULANCE. GOT VITALS UNDER CONTROL AND THE MONSTER MIGRAINE ATTACK IN A CAGE. PUMPED ME WITH DRUGS, GAVE ME RX'S AND SENT ME HOME. I HAVE NO FAMILY IN THIS AREA TO HELP. (I HAVE NO FAMILY TO HELP, FAMILY LIVES 4 HOURS AWAY BUT ABANDONED ALL OF US IMMEDIATELY UPON MOM BECOMING DISABLED... NO CONTACT OF ANY SORT FROM THEM, NO HELP $$$, ZERO. NOTHING EXCEPT TO CRITICIZE AND SPREAD FALSEHOODS TO OTHER FAMILY BACK IN THAT AREA). HUBBY WORKS OT EVERY DAY. NEIGHBORHOOD IS FULL OF FOLKS IN THEIR 80'S, THEIR INTENTIONS ARE HONORABLE BUT....NOT A DEPENDABLE HELP. I WAS WARNED THAT IF I DID NOT REDUCE STRESS LEVEL THEN I WOULD BE LOOKING AT A STROKE OR DEATH. WHOOPPEE!!! I ALTERED THE HOUSE I AM RENTING TO TAKE CARE OF MOM 3 YEARS AGO. IT IS REALLY NOT DESIGNED FOR A HANDICAPPED PERSON. HER DEMENTIA IS GETTING WORSE EVERY DAY. I STILL NEED SURGERY WHICH I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OFF BUT JUST CAN'T FIGURE HOW TO GET IT AND THE REHAB DONE CAUSE I GOTTA TAKE CARE OF MOM. SHE DOES NOT QUALIFY FOR MEDICAID. I HAVE ALREADY TALKED TO LOCAL REHAB FACILITIES AND 2 ELDER LAWYERS. I NEED SOME REAL HELP WITH SOME REAL EXPERIENCE AND REAL ROAD SIGNS ON WHAT TO DO. MOM IS GONNA WAKE UP AND FIND ME DEAD IF I DON'T TAKE ACTION TO TAKE CARE OF ME SOON. I JUST TURNED 60. SHE IS GETTING READY TO TURN 89. MY DISABLED SON WHO LIVES WITH ME IS READY TO COMMIT SUICIDE IT IS GETTING SO SURREAL FOR HIM. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO DEAL WITH THAT. I HAVE TO GO AND THROW UP AGAIN. MY HEAD IS EXPLODING. WHERE WILL I GET THE $500 FOR THE ER VISIT??? OH WELL, THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. ANY VIABLE SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME. PRAYERS ARE APPRECIATED TOO.

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I said a prayer for you tonight. I know God will intervene in your situation.

Follow the suggestions given above. If you can, place her in a facility, paying with her own money until she will qualify for Medicaid.

If you are on your last thread, take her to the ER of your local hospital and tell them that you are no longer able to care for her (for the reasons you wrote). Tell them your doctor told you not to do any caregiving due to your fragile health and that she needs to be placed. Do NOT take her home. Tell them to refer to your doctor.

I'm so sorry that you are suffering with so much on your plate and so few resources.
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Reply to SueC1957
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Mom doesn't qualify for Medicaid. Is that because of her assets or her income? What are those being used for now? If she has too much to qualify for Medicaid it should be used for her care until she does qualify. How many months could she pay for care in an appropriate facility?

Would you qualify for Medicaid or at least some reduced insurance, so the ER costs wouldn't be another huge stress?

What level of care does mother need? If you had a stroke (don't, please) where would a social worker place her -- assisted living? nursing home? (And where will your son go? Can he live on his own? Does he need some help?)

Who did you talk to at a rehab facility? About what? Did you talk to a social worker about placement for your mother while you recover from surgery?

Have you talked to anybody at Area Agency on Aging? Explain that you need surgery and have to make arrangements for your Mom. Ask them where you should turn. And/or explain that your health does not enable you to continue with her care and this has become an emergency.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Could you talk to the attorney and social services and explain that your health isn't good and that you are unable to continue caring for mom? You didn't mention if you have guardianship or DPOA. If not, technically you are not legally responsible and her doctor, attorney, and social services could recommend the best course of action and make the care decision together, and maybe even could help get her placed in a facility that works with dementia patients. The court may need to appoint her a guardian, which can be an outside third party. If you are guardian or DPOA, it will be a little more difficult, as the care decisions then would fall to you. I am having this same issue with my mom living with me, doesn't qualify for Medicaid, etc and being her legal guardian with no other family or friends to help. I know it feels like you're between a rock and a hard place. Could you pay for her care out of her funds until she would qualify for Medicaid, and be able to get the application process started in the meantime? Would that be an option? Someone on here suggested this as an option for me to look into for my mom as well.
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Reply to FrazzledMama
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