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She has always had someone to take care of her. Now it’s me. We didn’t grow up together. I am now getting very frustrated and stressed over different things. I hate it sometimes that its only me that has the job. I love her but she is a handful. I need some support on how to keep things more smoothly. I probably resent the fact that I have to be the responsible one. There is no one else. I feel guilty at times and flustered at others. I need some guidance.

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Thank you so much. Yes she has an income. Not enough to pay for a home. She does own her house and that will be the first to pay for her needs. I have full POA for her.. it’s just hard for me to recognize when and if and when it’s time to make the next step. These past few days have pushed me to a different level. She thinks her cancer is back in her mouth and is obsessed with it.. Repeating and repeating until it just is out of control. I have a doc appointment Wednesday with her and going over all these things. I wanted to get a CT scan to see what’s happening. She never has had one and I’m just going on what the doctor says and what I read it’s dementia.. I know it is but?? Thanks again for your input
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BeingBlessed, I found your previous posting https://www.agingcare.com/questions/aunt-has-dementia-and-lives-alone-how-do-i-know-its-time-to-get-help-431801.htm

I see your Aunt lives in her own house. Does she own this house? If yes, see how much equity is in the house and use that to help her pay for continuing care, mainly Memory Care. If self-pay would be difficult, then start the ball rolling to get your Aunt accepted by Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Medicaid will pay for room/board and care in a nursing facility.
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I agree. It’s time for you to get help, and not just an aide to come in a few hours a few times a week. If there is no one else (no one is helping you) then you don’t need to account to anyone for the decision to place your aunt. Placing someone in Long Term Care is a long and arduous (and sometimes frustrating) process, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and there is none for you now. Do you have POA or Guardianship? If not, you need to at least get POA. Start researching facilities for placement now. Make physical visits to the top five or so. Keep in mind that those facilities put their best foot forward on their websites and you need to see, hear and yes, even smell them in person.

Unfortunately, auntie’s behavior will get worse as the disease progresses and so will your frustration. Have a plan at least in mind if not in place for her.
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What an awesome thing to have taken care of your aunt for five years! I hope you feel proud of that.

Maybe it is time to simply manage her care, rather than to continue to provide it all yourself. Have you considered a care center? (Assisted Living, Memory Care, Nursing Home) She would be getting the level of care she needs from three shifts of workers. You would still be her advocate and make sure she is getting good care, and you would get to visit her as a loving relative, not as a primary caregiver.

What is Aunt's financial situation? Is she paying you? Does she get a regular income? What kind of savings/assets does she have? Do you think that she would qualify for Medicaid. (BTW, are you in the US?)
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