My fiancé is a paraplegic, he is wheelchair bound and paralyzed from the waist down, so doing most daily tasks are harder for him, don't get me wrong though, he is hard headed and can do anything he puts his mind to but its hard on him. I am his 24/7 caretaker, and I do not have a job. And with that being said I want to be able to provide more than just assistance for him, I'm not sure how to make money when I have no free time. He does have a job so we have an income but its just barely enough to get by. But, Any and all advice is appreciated, thank you for reading. And I am so sorry if this isn't really the type of post to be posted here I'm just not sure where to get advice.

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Ariel, yours is a hard question to answer without seeming to be unsympathetic, and your situation clearly needs sympathy. I’ll do my best:

1) I’ve known and worked with several guys who were paraplegics, and I’ve never known one who needed 24/7 care. They normally needed help to get up in the morning and go to bed at night. They used a catheter for urine, and managed it themselves. They usually looked for as much independence as possible, certainly not 24/7 care. They would have regarded that as ‘smother love’ that they really really didn’t want.

2) What is your own ability to earn, if you aren’t providing care 24/7? What skills or qualifications do you have to earn your own income, if you aren’t so tied up with care? Long term poverty is not good for any relationship, at least not unless there is a clear way out of it to a better future in the foreseeable future. Ways to earn ‘some money’, like a little pocket money to do a little more, don’t cut the mustard for two or three decades. What is your ‘way out’ of poverty?

I’m sure that you love your fiance, but your love will be under horrible pressure if you don’t think about these things. If you can’t solve the problems, you both may be better getting past your expectations of a long term relationship and marriage. Your love for each other may last better without the pressure of these expectations.

Lots of love, Margaret
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

You identify the relationship in two ways " fiance" and " husband". There is a legal difference.
Why do I say this? Not to be disrespectful but rather a wake up call.
He has a job, you say. And, can get in home health care support thru multiple agencies. If he is a veteran, even more support services.

You should put yourself first and get a job that supports you. This will improve your self esteem and, start to address both your financial needs and, to set appropriate boundaries between relationships and, caregiving.

Also, you getting a job will help you look at the question, are you actually using his disability justify you not working? Don't let this be the case.

Get out of the house , get a job that is meaningful for you.
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Reply to janicemeyer18

I will be blunt here. I think you have lost perspective regarding your situation. I have worked extensively with people living with para and quadraplegia.. With appropriate accommodations and training your partner should be quite independent. I don't know your skills but whatever they are please seek a career for your self. Once you do, you won't look back. I have to wonder if it is you or your partner that has convinced you that you must be on call to meet his needs 24/7. I suggest you read about codependency (Codependent No More is a good one) and see if it sounds like your relationship with your fiance.
Best of luck to you. Please update us on any changes you are able to make.
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Reply to Debmiller

WOW! You are amazing! If you can get a job you can work at your own hours. My friend does medical billing and she works all the time. She says she sets her own hours and had time to raise her two kids (now in college). Prayers for you caring for someone be it 24/7 or 1 hour not easy.
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Reply to Ohwow323
JoAnn29 Sep 13, 2023
Medical billing is a speciality. My niece went to school for it.
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There are far more remote work jobs in the post Covid world than there were just a few years ago. Go on Indeed or Glassdoor and search remote employment positions. Also consider the real possibility that you leaving for a few hours a day for a part time or mixed onsite and from home job could actually improve your relationship. Many relationships are improved by some time apart, pursuing separate goals. Your fiancé will benefit as much as you. You both need to be considering your financial future and more income is a great step in that direction
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Daughterof1930

I am afraid that I agree with others here that 24/7 are is not needed for an otherwise healthy and determined paraplegic. My own cousin went everywhere by van, held a job and functioned so very well with his wife's minimal help. She also worked. Together they raised three children. I think that you are underestimating both your guy and yourself.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
Sarah3 Sep 17, 2023
I think it depends on each persons individual needs, not all persons who are paraplegic have the same level and type of care needed
I would call your County Disability Dept. Have them evaluate your Fiance to see what he is capable of and how your home can be handicap excessible.. He has upper body strength he can use. If everything is put on his level, he should be able to do for himself. My GF was wheel chair bound. All the food and dishes in her upper cabinets were placed in the lower ones. Call Medicaid and see if he qualifies for in-home help. You need to work just because of ur SS.

Did u see Americas got talent. There was a man born with no legs.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to JoAnn29

ArielGJackson: As your fiancé is able to hold a job, perhaps hs doesn't require 24/7 care, which would free up some time for you to seek employment.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Llamalover47

See if IHSS is offered in your area (you can sign up for work as a care giver. I am not sure if you can sign up your husband as a recipient of care for you to be able to work for / with him. You need to discuss with them.

However, you can set up your own hours and they offer benefits although the pay is low. You might be able to offer services such as: cook and do laundry at your place and take over to a recipient.

Read these:

Can I be a caregiver for my partner?

Therefore, they can elect to hire their spouses as personal care providers. Their spouses, if approved, are paid by the state program or through an intermediary agency. Compensation rates vary by program and state. Typically, caregiver spouses are paid between $10.75 – $20.75 / hour.

Read this and research.

Call the IRS, too.

Gena / Touch Matters
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to TouchMatters

Have his Primary Care Doctor write a prescription for him to receive home care. Whichever home care company you all choose to use let them you will be his aide and you need an application to complete their hiring process. The homecare company will hire you to be his aide. You will get paid. It's not much money but it's more than nothing.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to MrsLark

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