I have read about how bad this is. And against the law. But I'm upstairs with her down the hall. I just started locking her in. A slide lock from the outside on top. She doesn't know it's there. From 12 to 8 . This is nessasary because My mom may fall down our stairs is a big concern its 16 steps. And she will go in the kitchen try to cook and turn on the gas. She cuts the gas on all the time. Gas fumes all over. We took knobs off and she will still turn them on especially in the winter to keep warm. She takes good roast out and steaks any food she sees in freezer she will try to cook. My son came in the kitchen the smoke alarm went off she was sitting at the table with smoke all around while some food she put in the oven was burning. She is up at night will go downstairs looking for food 2:00 in the morning. Take food out leave it on table mix strange things together. I'm tired of not sleeping and worries about gas blowing up and her safety. When I do sleep I'm exhausted I may not hear her or know what she is doing. AND also her urine incontinence is awful all over the house. Nothing I can do she hates adult pull ups. She won't listen to me. I take care of my mom by myself. No help. My son is off on Tues and watches her sometimes a couple of hours while I run errands. She does everything she pulls off all her covers on her bed to the mattress everyday. I cannot understand why. Her mind is so bad and I can hardly handle her. My family does not like convelasant homes I can't put her there. When she is trying to open the door about 2:30 in the morning it unnerves me. It's a nitemare. But after a few minutes she goes back to bed. What else can I do???? Even my aunt who is her sister and a nurse told me for her safety and mine lock her in till morning. Yes it's drastic but I have peace of mind for a little while. All of this is slowly killing me. Sometimes I think I could die from so much stress.
Yes I had area to place my husband but he dyed the night before he was to go to a facility.
I t was a heart breaking decision, but he was total care and I couldn’t lift him in and out if bed.
Having care takers in the home was so expensive and I needed 24/7 help.
I have made it very clear in ny advanced directive no feeding tube, comfort care only.
Also I have told my children I do not want to live with them, they have their lives and I will not be a burden to them.
I have been in a nursing home for extended time because of surgeries, my husband would not provide care I needed.
I know what they are like, but I will not burden my kids.
Fircyour safety and sanity find a place for your mom. Any family member who makes a comment, say to them where were you when I needed a break
Or contacting any agency in the Dementia/Alzheimer's area There are so many places, and I am not saying it is easy, but the hospitals cannot even put up bars on the beds because that is entrapment.
Where do you live?
Best of luck and stay strong
I spoke with a few Hospice Nurses the other day and told them the situation you were going through they honestly didn't see any real issues with what you were doing as long as obviously you weren't just locking her in, to lock her in.
Still if I was in you position I'd be contacting local Hospice centers for help they have great resources to aid you and support including Respite which sounds like you need ASAP.
To those that keep preaching Nursing Homes are the answers to all your worries and why some folk are unable or unwilling is -
Because those facilities aren't "Free"............
Medicaid doesn't cover everyone.......
It's considered Abuse to drop off a child or a senior with the attitude that you can no longer handle it........
I had no Idea Long Term Care Insurance was even a thing until recently neither of my parents knew about it either.
As far as Medicaid, I'm speaking from first hand experience and the experience that many in the medical industry have witnessed, in our situation the state has 100% approved my mother for long term aid to help me help her. Medicaid has been the road block and I'm finding out the deeper I dig they don't always approve Long Term Nursing Home Care, so it's not a given, some people are pretty much forced into the situation from the moment they got involved and that moment you got involved you began the concerns of having to answer to the state if something goes wrong, it's a tough spot to find yourself in for some.
Your mother has a horrible disease, but it's you, the caregiver, that suffers. I understand because my mother, too, has Alz.
The fact that she is content to go back to bed when she can't get out makes your choice much less troubling. Your updated statement that you are aware and able to listen for trouble is also much different than if you were so sleep deprived you would sleep through a bomb blast, which is what I took from your initial post.
The fact that you've gotten so many replies so swiftly shows that you have hit a nerve that many of us can relate to. You've also been given a wealth of information on coping strategies, I hope you find some of them useful.
your answer was helpful to me. I’m caring for my husband who has dementia. He’s up through the night a lot, he takes off his pull ups, wets everything... it’s a circus and I’m TIRED. The dr. said I can give him clonopin or seroquel but I’ve read not to give drugs to people with dementia and have been putting it off... we’re these the drugs your mom was on for a time? Thanks for any advice.
Although this can be an expense you cannot afford, it is a good option. I cannot verify that all new stoves, washers, dryers come with a control lock option, but I will hazard a guess that they do.
I can say that microwaves DO have this option. I never realized they did, until mom somehow locked the controls and YB had to "fix" it. When he told me how it works, I tried it on my own AND tried it on a very old one that I still have. They and the latest one I have now all have this feature AND the stove, washer and dryer all have it as well. This is MUCH easier than unplugging it all the time (especially LARGE appliances like a stove/washer/dryer! I lock my washer and dryer because the cats sometimes turn them on when jumping up/down from them!)
METHODS used to lock controls:
Microwave - Press and Hold the stop/cancel button for about 3 seconds.
Repeat to unlock.
My stove uses the "start" button, but same method - press/hold 3 seconds.
My washer and dryer have a Control Lock button - press/hold for 3 seconds.
Another option for electric stoves is to remove the control knobs, however some ingenious people would get pliers or something to turn the knob end...
I also like the idea of using those child-proofing door knob covers vs locking the door. If she can open it with one of those, then back to locking it...
Also, don't they make child locks for refrigerators too? Consider some for the cabinets and drawers as well... inexpensive way to keep her out of the fridge, kitchen cabinets and drawers - not sure if those would work on dressers, but it can't hurt to give it a try!
Just came back to add thoughts about the suggestion to use a baby gate - if she is downstairs and you want to keep her down there, perhaps. Some stairways are not designed to use baby gates, such as those with just railing on one side (unless you can add nasty holes to screw it in.) IF it is possible to put one in at the bottom, make sure it is high enough that she cannot climb over it (or even attempt to.) Baby gates are designed for "little" people.... As for the top of the stairs, this is a dicey solution. She could either try to get over it and fall OR just her weight alone could dislodge it, also leading to a fall.
Mom put one at the top of the stairs to the finished basement in their condo, so dad wouldn't fall. The stairway was right outside their bedroom. I found their stairs to be rather steep, which is ridiculous in a 55+ condo community! When we were ready to put it on the market, the realtor wanted us to take it down. I said no. People unfamiliar with the place might have a mishap, step backwards out of the bedroom and down they go! I said we would remove it if the buyer wanted it gone. Personally I thought it was mostly a reminder than a safety gate. If an adult were to stumble and fall on it, they'd likely go over it. Again, baby gates are designed for BABIES! Although our LOs with dementia may be drifting back in time to babyhood, they are still full-size people!