I have both medical and financial POA over my mother, can I evict a guest?
My mother and I let a relative (my cousin, my mother's nephew) move in about 7 months ago because we felt bad for him.
He has been causing myself and my mother emotional distress by arguing with a loud voice which upsets my mother. My mother stated that it would be best if he moved out. As POA do I have the legal right to evict him or does my mother need to?
My Mom is 94 and suffers from Alzheimer's/dementia though it is not advanced. She know what is going on. She said to me yesterday that my cousin needs to move out.
Can my Mom write the eviction letter? I can type it and explain it to her and she can still sign her name.
I don't know what to do. I made a HUGE mistake letting my cousin move in. I probably shouldn't have let my Aunt move in as well (though it helps my Mom because they play cards and talk about the old days).
Everything was peaceful until my cousin moved in. I am angry at myself for letting myself feel bad for people.
Thanks- Jenna
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Anyway, I am really happy my cousin left yet I'm kind of sad that my Aunt left because my Mom first started crying and now she's angry at her sister (my Aunt).
I'm just relieved and surprised at the same time.
Now the locks will be changed.
Just wanted to update everyone who has been following this thread.
Jenna
Bitter sweet situation for sure.
Your aunt was okay with leaving her cat? I can't imagine that she would be okay with that. So sad.
Take care of you and mom. You did the best you could. Relationships are a two way street, if not they will dead end.
Hollering and yelling are forms of abuse, so don't hesitate to record him and call the police to have him removed.
I am sorry that you and your mom are being treated this way after offering a helping hand.
I am 63 and will call the police if he yells at me again. As I posted below I feel very angry at myself for letting him live here. His grandmother lives here too (also out of my good heart) and they are very close.
Like paying his own way, buying his own food and figuring out how to get to work on his own. It's what grown men do.
His crying and saying that he has no place to go is manipulation, plain and simple. Tell him to stop and put his big boy pants on and stop mooching off people. Don't give that garbage any leeway.
I would rather be sorry that I helped someone in need and got taken advantage of then to be the person that regrets never offering a helping hand. Or worse, being the taker that no one wants around. You did good! You should feel proud that you tried to help.
You are right that he blew it. I decided to use the "gray rock" method and not talk to him because he is looking for drama and I'm not going to give it to him.
Everyone on this forum is so wonderful that it brings tears to my eyes, honest! I don't know what I would do without everyone here.
I am truly grateful,
Jenna
I agree, do this legally.
Right now I'm just waiting on the attorney to call me back.
Thanks, Jenna
Scripture says that the guilty flee when no one pursueth them. Sounds like he is running from his actions.
I would be prepared for high drama when he shows up. I can see him telling a tale of kidnapping, laying on the side of the road near death after being attacked and mustering the strength to return to grandma kinda drama. So be prepared for the last stand.
Be safe and well done!
His belongings are still here and once the 30 days are up then I can file with the courthouse so he will be forced to get his belongings out of here. Then I will change the locks.
Yes, he knows that I know he smashed my window so the timing couldn't have been more perfect and the police did take his name and where he works which is good.
The more I read about emotional abuse the more I realize he has been abusing me. He learned it from being abused himself (I'm not excusing his behavior but just trying to understand). He is an abuser! And I refuse to be his victim.
I must admit that I'm still shaking my head at myself because I let him come to the house to try to help him and instead he tries to hurt me. I would have never thought that this would have happened. He must be extremely mentally ill. I did suggest to him that he needed therapy in which he never sought. Instead he blames everyone else for his problems instead of taking responsibility for his own actions and feelings. No accountability.
What also gets me is his Grandmother (my Aunt) defends him no matter what and also blames me for all these problems. Well, she abused her daughter (my 2nd cousin's mother) and her grandsons from what I know. So why should she be any different?
I'm prepared for anything. My phone is always on and I can click record in a second. I will be installing the outside security camera today so he will be filmed no matter what he does.
Because of this experience I will hesitate before I help anyone else (I doubt I will help anyone unless I really know them such as my best friend of 45 years). I know I have a big heart and that others will try to take advantage of that. This was a wake-up call for me.
Goodness, life is just an on-going learning experience. Just when I think I have learned it all, I realize that I am still learning and will always learn. My mind is open to all lessons in life.
Skimming your thread here, I do have a few suggestions.
1) Put up motion sensor lights outside. Battery operated. They deter people from sneaking around in the dark. This would be separate from security cams. And you will be alerted right away.
2) I would not allow cousin to feed your mother, (or Aunt?);or anyone in your home. Way too dangerous if you don't know what he is capable of.
Could have ulterior motives, revenge or control motives, etc. Food, withholding food, controlling food, hiding medication in food (dosing) are all ways bad people gain control over elders, imo.
Yeah but, we all say it is such a 'sweet' gesture, huh? Be careful.
Thanks for the update.
My Mom never blamed me even with her dementia. She was aware of the tension between my cousin and myself which was not healthy for her.
Mom has said to me that she doesn't understand why her sister (my Aunt) couldn't stay and let my cousin (who is 29) live by himself. She said her sister has a bad heart and she will be left alone when her grandson (my cousin) is working. If she would have stayed here she would not have been alone.
Well, that was my Aunt's choice to move with her grandson. Let the enabling continue. If she changes her mind in the future and wants to come back I will say NO. I can't let another person (relative or not) keep playing with my Mom's emotions.
My Aunt basically would play cards with my Mom so now I'm playing cards with her instead. I am trying my best to make her feel better.
Again, I feel soooooo relieved that my cousin is out of here! It's amazing how much tension and anxiety I was feeling and now that tension is gone and my body is relaxing.
Jenna
You set a great example of how to use this forum. Clearly stating the problem, sorting through the answers and taking action. Great job.
It's a very sad story and what I find even sadder is that not one person in that family ever went for therapy or help.
Thanks again for the compliment as it means so much to me. My Mom is doing okay and I'm giving her more attention than normal because she is going through an adjustment. First my Mom will get depressed, then she feels angry toward her sister (which I think is normal).
I don't know what I would do without this forum. The people here have given me such great advice as well as support. I thank all of you with all my heart!
Jenna
You have success standing up for your Mom as POA!
While it is sad that your Mom's sister has left too, stay strong in the coming days.
Keep this in mind: "My mother stated that it would be best if he moved out."
So take some deep breaths and lets hope times will be better soon.
You did your best in a difficult situation. I want to say, good job.
My cousin stopped by yesterday (the guy that comes to mow the lawn just left and I forgot to lock the door). He just waltzed right in and I told him he no longer lives here and that if he needs to pick up his things he needs to give me notice. He didn't like that and gave me a hard time so I recorded his words and watched him until he left.
I also told him if he comes by again without notifying me that I will call the police. So that incident shook me up a little bit.
I didn't think I needed to go to court when the 30 day notice to vacate was up but I thought it over and I will definitely go to court so the judge can tell him he needs to get ALL of his belongings out of this house as well as his cat.
I'm doing the best that I can moment by moment, day by day.
Jenna