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My sweet FIL died 3 years ago. So my very difficult and self-absorbed MIL is driving us really nuts. She did go to assisted living 7 days ago..saying it was time. We could not believe it.


She is in a gorgeous place with an apartment. She calls wanting to come home and look thru things she says she needs. We ask for a list..we will be happy to bring it up. She got so angry..said she was going to call elder abuse on us. She has no more room in her apartment. She was assisted in the move and they brought everything she needed. We are quite sure if she came home she would sit down in the one chair left and refuse to leave.


She thinks we are selling her crystal and china.


We think we should stay away for a bit. The day I took her to assisted living..I took her to get her nails done..I got a pedicure. On the way out she thru a cup of water on my head because I took too long. My husband says she has been this way all her life. My FIL warned me too. Bipolar or Borderline Personality disorder..or both.


Should we stay away for a bit...at wits end. Help!

I am with isthis. Stick to ur guns. She can call elder abuse and what they will find is an elderly lady who is safe, fed and cared for. Her wanting everything is unrealistic. So call her bluff. And when Elder abuse calls you, tell them AL was her choice and at this point you can't take her back.

Read her contract. My Moms said what she was allowed in her apt. Tell her taking things of worth is not a good idea. They could get broke or stolen. Plus, what does she need with china and crystal.

Don't let her rule ur life. Set boundries now. You are entering a whole new world of having your life back.
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MargaretMcKen Aug 18, 2018
Quite right about valuables. My MIL’s diamond ring (fifty years after the engagement, when FIL could finally afford one) disappeared just after she went into the Nursing Home. The best we could find out was that a man had called and asked for her by name, then went to talk in her room. They assumed it was family. Our best guess was that it was the partner of one of the recent carers. He asked to look at it and she took it off her finger and handed it to him. It was very distressing.
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You are completely justified in taking a break. Anyone that thinks it is okay to use physicality as a way to deal with anything has boundary issues.

Let her call whomever she wants, you have nothing to fear.

I personally think telling someone that their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable is a good thing. If you allow people to be abusive towards you, you get abusive treatment.

I get she is sick but she has always been this way, so telling her not to treat you that way is okay. I would have gone through the roof if she did that to me. It would be the last time I took her anywhere.

Get your hubby to take you on a thank you trip and block her number while you're gone.
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Try an emergency trip somewhere else (real or virtual). Phone every day to check on her, and keep up the story that you are away for a couple of weeks. This gives her time to settle in, and keeps you dry – she can’t throw water through the phone!
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Stay away for at least a week.

Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?

Stay in touch with the staff by phone. If she is uncharacteristically "off", she needs to be checked for a UTI, which in elders can cause psychiatric issues.
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