I've done background checks, there isn't any relation between these people that I can find. I think this guy is trying to scam her. He says he has power of attorney but hasn't produced it after being asked several times. What can I do?
Adult Protection Services maybe able to help but they might not be open. If not, call the police. Tell them the circumstances. Ask how you can prove this man is who he says he is.
In the meantime, do not allow him in. Tell him you need proof who he is by providing a birth certificate. He also needs to provide a POA that has been signed by your friend and assigned by her to him. Until he does that, you cannot in good conscience allow him in.
This does sound like a scam. Do you live with her or does she live alone? If the latter does she have an alert pendant, lock box on the exterior of her house where a key can be stored for emergency personnel?
Does she have any family photos? Anything that might show a son or other relatives?
Ask if the "son" is willing to take an DNA test. These tests are easy to get from Ancestery.com and 23andMe. They cost around $75 dollars each.
If the "son" refuses to take a test, then you know something isn't on the up and up. Or he may then claim he is a step-son or adopted. If the son says yes, the lady you have been caring for would also need to take the test. It's mainly spitting into a tube, and sending off the samples.
Wish more people in society were like the people on here. I've read so many posts..and so many ppl on this site are selfless, they care, and will take their time to help support and provide solid advice...only intent is to benefit or help others...more than likely strangers...
Too many ppl I've met, in real life, unfortunately are fake, prey on frail, kind-hearted, trusting ppl...lack compassion, ethics, morals...only concerned with self-gain, regardless how badly their actions negativity affect others.
Having said that...I agree with the replies I've read...Please be careful, be weary...I've put myself in the position many times to blindly fall victim of others' schemes...and seemed history constantly repeated itself....took a lot of self-analyzation to change my psychosis...I allowed myself to be the victim...too trusting...too caring...and a story for another day...I realized why...bc of my views of myself and others due to past experiences .
I will say please be careful...trust yourself, protect yourself..
those that consistently put others down do so because of their insecurities...believe in yourself...
Kevever, I would add that you could try to "trap" him by asking first WHEN he was adopted (assuming facts not in evidence) and watch his expression. If he gasps, becomes annoyed, and asserts he wasn't adopted, then raise the DNA issue. It precludes him from falling back on the pretense of adoption.
If he says he's adopted, ask for the details, and be insistent. Some adoptions are closed but others aren't. One of the sections of the Juvenile Court for which i worked back in the 1960s was an Adoption Section, and I'm sure they did keep records.
Mpieffer, thanks for your kind thoughts on the folks here.
According to him they had a falling out, 25 yrs ago. And now he's back to take care of her since she is suffering from alzhiemers and dementia. Weird because she didn't contact him ever in my 5 yrs living here, nor in my 4 yrs prior to moving in to help her because she was alone and had no one to help her
It isn’t up to you to make him prove he is her son. It is up to him to show documentation. I seriously mean not to let him anywhere around the home or inside until you see proof. Call the police every time you see him, It would be easy for him to show prove with a birth certificate or a family member but let the police handle it. I would keep a weapon too in case he tried to hurt both of you. Also, go through all the stuff to see if you can find photos or baby pictures with a name.
Right, I've contacted the police, and they didn't even bother asking him for the power of attorney, or his ID. And he's from out of state as well. So I said screw them guess I'm on my own. I've searched high and low for pictures ,birth certificates marriage license, etc. Nothing I can find . So if and when he returns he won't be coming in this house without100% proof.
Good mng, please the one thing you do not do is believe him. Unless he shows up with POA, don’t trust him. If ur gut is telling you he is lying go with it. If it becomes threatening or uncomfortable reach out to non emergency police for advice. Also how did you become the caretaker ? were u friends or through maybe social svcs? I ask only because you may could have maybe an outside agency assist with this issue. Also it sounds like u did some research but I would be very suspicious as well after 5 years and to be honest if he is related and shows up now I can guarantee it’s not because he cares.
Thats very true , they don't care about her well being, or what's best for her. Hell, it was her birthday and they couldn't take 10 mins out of their day to call her! Because they didn't know. She had to go to the ER recently they had changed the emergency contact from myself, to them. The hospital had to contact me, because they couldn't answer any of the doctors questions.
why are you taking care of a woman who is not your blood relation? Be very careful, and I would not be caring for anybody unless the court makes you her legal guardian or DPOA, or you are employed by her which paying taxes would prove that.
This is clearly a case of someone trying to scam this elderly woman. If you have asked for a POA several times and have been denied it, that is a very obvious sign that he doesn’t have one. So, where has he been these past 5 years? No contact and he expects you to believe he is her son?! I wouldn’t give him another minute of your time. The burden of proof falls on him. Until he can give that to you, I would not have any more conversations with him. Call the police and let them know everything. There should be an emergency number you can call for elder issues even during this pandemic. Good luck and please keep us posted.
Did I miss your answers to the questions asked of you by other posters? Questions like “Who pays you to care for this friend” and “how did you become her caretaker”. You mentioned “they don’t care about her” and “they had changed the emergency contact from myself, to them” ... who are “they” that you are talking about?
Do you know where the woman was living when this son would have been born? She could order a birth certificate.
Who is "they" in they took POA when she was in the hospital. Where were you? She has dementia and someone allowed her to complete a new POA? "They visited her in hospital?
It is possible his story is true about a falling out, BUT he may be coming around out of entitlement. My brother legally disowned our mother. Falling out because him/wife wanted to take over when my mother turned 70 and my dad passed. No contact until she was 85 and then they claim God told them to call. I found out after she passed they were calling for her to make it right by my brother with $$$. At 70 mom left him out of will. I asked for nothing and let her live her life. She was mentally sharp until her sudden death a few years later.
Find an elder care lawyer who can give a free consultation and tell him what is happening. I believe it's a scam too. If he was a long lost son, he would be eager to produce supporting documents. Has he asked about her finances? Does he want to move in?
He’ll need to prove to the police and state that he has POA and is her son. It’s not about providing you with proof. Get law enforcement involved immediately. 5 years is a long time to never know that he existed.
Call the local authorities and let them know the situation. Let "the guy" know that if he shows up without proper authorization, you will call the police. Either he will bring proper documentation that the authorities can verify for you... or he will stop coming since he knows the authorities - and you - are on to him.
Why would she have given him POA 25 yrs ago if they didn't even get along. This is very fishy. I wouldn't let him near her unless he can produce official paperwork that you can verify. I would call Adult Protective Services and ask for advice on how to handle this. I am almost afraid to ask this question...does she have any paperwork in order at all? Directives...a will? How are you taking care of her without POA? When she was hospitalized, who was making decisions for her? Sorry I have more questions than answers.
A DNA test for each will show blood relation. Even if he is related to her, and indeed they did have a falling out, she can still exclude him from the will, but must include a statement in the will that specifically says that she is purposefully omitting them, or she could leave a tiny amount, like $1, to demonstrate her intent. An elder/estate attorney can advise. If she gave him up for adoption after birth, for example, some states will make available to the adoptee their pre-adoption documentation. Your original question doesn't explain what her reaction is to this. Your trip to the elder law attorney should also include some discussion of your contract with this client. This should all be transparent and legal.
If this woman needs to go to the hospital again I would let the social worker at the hospital know your concern. She or he would know how to take the issue on. They are very careful regarding the hippa law and would want to see proof that they had the right to share information with him. Because of their liability in the matter they would do their due diligence. The same if he takes her to the doctor. If they cannot obtain the required documents from him, tell them your concern and ask them to call the police for you. You will likely get more response that way.
Also, if this woman has a will..contact the lawyer that drew up the will. The lawyer had an in-depth conversation with the woman at the time and she may have brought up the son or the lawyer may have notes in the file about the son.
I also agree about calling Adult Protective Services. Do that first.
I am surprised no one has mentioned this. Of course notify the police and while the police are present, say "so glad to see you" I have a number of bills that need to be paid for her, can I give them to you? See how quickly this guy disappears.
I would not bother with the DNA test that is way to complicated. If he is legitimately her son, it will be his responsibility to prove this. And by the way, does your "friend" recognize him?
On another note, you did not adequately describe your relationship with this person. Sometimes doing a good deed gets us in over our head. This might be the case here.
Call the State Troopers. Tell them u don't feel local police are taking the problem seriously.
In a reply you said "they don't care about her well being, or what's best for her. " Does this woman have family? If so, wouldn't they know about an estranged son? And what gives them the right to make changes in hospital forms. Does someone have POA besides "this son" who claims he does.
You may have to get a restraining order against this man. Then the Court will ask him to prove who he is. Adoption was mentioned. When a child is adopted, the parents give up their rights. In my daughters papers, besides her Dad giving up rights, she also does too. She cannot go and make a claim against her biological father's estate. So what I am saying is this man would have no claims against this woman.
I hope you have proof of this woman's signature. He could always get a false POA. Would not be hard. She would have signed it. Has to be witnessed and notarized. That notary has to see proof the woman is who she says she is and see her in person. There should be a notary stamp with their info on it.
Joann.....the OP is in California and calling the California highway patrol is a waste of time. We don’t have state troopers like other states. We have the highway patrol. And this situation isn’t something they would handle and it’s not their jurisdiction. You don’t call the highway patrol when the local police are unable to take the action you want. Not how it’s done here. And the OP cannot get a restraining order against this man based on the facts given. California doesn’t just hand them to out to anyone who asks. It’s also just a piece of paper. It’s not the solution most of you think it is.
Adult Protection Services maybe able to help but they might not be open. If not, call the police. Tell them the circumstances. Ask how you can prove this man is who he says he is.
In the meantime, do not allow him in. Tell him you need proof who he is by providing a birth certificate. He also needs to provide a POA that has been signed by your friend and assigned by her to him. Until he does that, you cannot in good conscience allow him in.
Who pays you to care for this friend?
Does she have any family photos? Anything that might show a son or other relatives?
The law will not just take his word for it, especially since you have run background check and can find not link to your client.
Does she have any other contacts that you can check with or ask about this person?
Stay safe!
If the "son" refuses to take a test, then you know something isn't on the up and up. Or he may then claim he is a step-son or adopted. If the son says yes, the lady you have been caring for would also need to take the test. It's mainly spitting into a tube, and sending off the samples.
1 for the "son" and 1 for "mom"
Too many ppl I've met, in real life, unfortunately are fake, prey on frail, kind-hearted, trusting ppl...lack compassion, ethics, morals...only concerned with self-gain, regardless how badly their actions negativity affect others.
Having said that...I agree with the replies I've read...Please be careful, be weary...I've put myself in the position many times to blindly fall victim of others' schemes...and seemed history constantly repeated itself....took a lot of self-analyzation to change my psychosis...I allowed myself to be the victim...too trusting...too caring...and a story for another day...I realized why...bc of my views of myself and others due to past experiences .
I will say please be careful...trust yourself, protect yourself..
those that consistently put others down do so because of their insecurities...believe in yourself...
Take care,
Kevever, I would add that you could try to "trap" him by asking first WHEN he was adopted (assuming facts not in evidence) and watch his expression. If he gasps, becomes annoyed, and asserts he wasn't adopted, then raise the DNA issue. It precludes him from falling back on the pretense of adoption.
If he says he's adopted, ask for the details, and be insistent. Some adoptions are closed but others aren't. One of the sections of the Juvenile Court for which i worked back in the 1960s was an Adoption Section, and I'm sure they did keep records.
Mpieffer, thanks for your kind thoughts on the folks here.
Does he say how or why he believes he is her son?
What do you know about your friend? People can have secrets.
I've searched high and low for pictures ,birth certificates marriage license, etc. Nothing I can find . So if and when he returns he won't be coming in this house without100% proof.
If the lady doesn't recognize him and if he can't prove who he is from Old Photos, Birth Certificate, Drivers License, Blood Test,, Ect.
Call the Police to have him prove who he is before letting him in the house.
Finger Prints should do the trick.
Maybe he's been in Jail the last 5 yrs or maybe he's taken over the identity if the ladies real son.
Who is "they" in they took POA when she was in the hospital. Where were you? She has dementia and someone allowed her to complete a new POA? "They visited her in hospital?
Also, if this woman has a will..contact the lawyer that drew up the will. The lawyer had an in-depth conversation with the woman at the time and she may have brought up the son or the lawyer may have notes in the file about the son.
I also agree about calling Adult Protective Services. Do that first.
I would not bother with the DNA test that is way to complicated. If he is legitimately her son, it will be his responsibility to prove this. And by the way, does your "friend" recognize him?
On another note, you did not adequately describe your relationship with this person. Sometimes doing a good deed gets us in over our head. This might be the case here.
In a reply you said "they don't care about her well being, or what's best for her. " Does this woman have family? If so, wouldn't they know about an estranged son? And what gives them the right to make changes in hospital forms. Does someone have POA besides "this son" who claims he does.
You may have to get a restraining order against this man. Then the Court will ask him to prove who he is. Adoption was mentioned. When a child is adopted, the parents give up their rights. In my daughters papers, besides her Dad giving up rights, she also does too. She cannot go and make a claim against her biological father's estate. So what I am saying is this man would have no claims against this woman.
I hope you have proof of this woman's signature. He could always get a false POA. Would not be hard. She would have signed it. Has to be witnessed and notarized. That notary has to see proof the woman is who she says she is and see her in person. There should be a notary stamp with their info on it.
on the facts given. California doesn’t just hand them to out to anyone who asks. It’s also just a piece of paper. It’s not the solution most of you think it is.