<p class="userway-s14-active">I have a small home and we are crowded. We're taking care of my 87-year-old father. He's actually been much better off here at my house - no falls at all compared to almost daily at the nursing home. His behavior has been better here too.<p class="userway-s14-active"> My issue is that I have a lot of anxiety that my home is not good enough for people to come into. My carpet & flooring is worn out and looks dirty no matter what I do. I've a bad crack in my ceiling....<p class="userway-s14-active"> I have a fear that they're going to come in here and take my dad from me and force him into a home because my house isn't good enough for someone. <p class="userway-s14-active"> But, I could really use some help with him. I have no idea how to get past this.<p class="userway-s14-active"/>
However--perhaps you can look into some financial/physical help to get your house safer to live in. IDK how you would go about doing that--but others may have some ideas.
Probably time to look into care for dad? He would very likely qualify for Medicaid. At least call the Area on Aging (I'm not sure that's the right wording) and see what you might qualify him for.
Is your anxiety primarily for your ability to care for him, or the state of your house? I'm guessing, probably a bit of both.
Bless you on this journey--whatever path you choose with him.
But I am curious, why do you suppose people will be coming to your home?
I didn't know what hit me. I thought dad just had a simple infection, then got a call from the hospital saying I had to take my dad that he was in an unsafe, abusive situation. I was running a small business out of my home and I had to shove everything into one room & buy a hospital bed and stop my business life to be able to fit him in. I haven't had time to reorganize since.
Because of his legal situation, I have had to care for him with no help and no financial assistance. I am an RN, and I have lots of geripsych experience, but I thought I was done with all that, lol
I literally received him naked with no clothes! My stepmother would not even bring him any clothes to the hospital. She's claiming *everything* is hers, but the bills. She even took his medication from the pharmacy after I brought him home and refused to give it back. If I'm tired it's more from the legal nightmare than taking care of Dad. Yes, I have a lawyer. Things just move so slow, and people ignore court orders!
He has ample resources, if the court will ever do something, and I can imagine that once I can get home health and perhaps a sitter in every now and then, as well as decent medical equipment for him, it will all be better.
I just have been able to get his Medicare and social security fixed. It's been a legal and financial nightmare. We would have all been better off if he were a poor man, I think. Right now I couldn't afford to move him to memory care if I wanted to. I have had to support multiple properties for him. He was comfortable financially, but remarried and the stepmother, (wealthier than him!) has laid claim to literally the clothes off his back- everything.
I know my house is out of their league. I just want to keep him safe and protect him.
My family is coming and going. They live out of town so can't help much. My grown foster kids have helped some. The stepmother's family has already called cops to 4 of my family members just for checking on his property to get tag #s and stuff for me for the lawyer. (They have only threatened me, put me, my family, my house down...)
Who is "they"? Do you have relatives or neighbors that you think will report your situation to APS?
Medical staff is not there to judge how "nice" your home is. They won't care about worn out flooring, cracks in walls or ceilings or cleanliness.
Are people currently coming in to your house for your Dad? Are they social workers? Have you asked to have him assessed by social services to see if he qualifies for some in-home services, like light housekeeping, food prep and hygiene? Other than this, unless your Dad can afford to pay for aids the only other help for you and him will be a different, better facility.
Do you believe that you've bitten more off than you can chew with your fathers care and are now regretting bringing him into your home small and rundown aside?
Caregiving in the home is a 24/7 job and can be exhausting, as you already know per your profile. Please don't jeopardize your health and well being for your father. He wouldn't want that.
If his care is getting to be just too much for you please have the wisdom and discernment to have him placed back in the appropriate facility where you can get back to just being his child and advocate.
It's the legal and financial nightmare killing me. Rental properties and the most insane family dynamics with 'the steps.'
Banks and cops who ignore court orders...lawyers & courts who move slow...
And I feel like I'm grieving but not being given a chance to...
My mom was a filthy hoarder, lots of deferred maintenance and they never batted an eye.
You will be fine.