I have a MIL who sits around feeling sorry for herself all day. Can anyone give me any suggestions on what to do to help her?

Prayers work
Pray for the whole family
Seek God
and you will find your answers
God bless you

Saw your response to me. My MIL did the same thing your MIL did. One thing was she wanted a dishwasher. My BIL gave her a portable he had. She used it to put paperbags in. She had let it stand so long the door gasket needed replacing and it cost more than the dishwasher was worth.

I have a friend who has never been happy. No matter what people do for her she expects more. Some people you just can't satisfy.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped! It sounds like she wants everybody to do for her and she do nothing. I have learned along time ago if someone wants to sit in their mess (whatever that mess is) you can't get them out out of it. She needs to learn to do for herself if she is able. My own mother has been in her bed for over a decade not because she has to but because she chose to and it is not up to me to save her or to make her get up...she has to want that and no I Do Not cater to her. I make sure she gets what she needs and I make dinner and make sure her and the house bills are paid and she is safe. That's it!!! She has to have the Will Power to get out of bed. I refuse to fight a battle I can not and will not win, so why waste my time, energy, and life who cares nothing for her own! And yes my mother is self-entitled. But that doesn't mean I have to play along!

No you are not wrong; I myself and thinking of doing that myself to my own mother!

There are many many seniors out there working, studying, enjoying their hobbies. I was going to say travelling on cruise ships - but not right now...

Your MIL is not & it's a shame for her.

Probably a good idea for her to chat to her Doctor. Rule out physical & mental health problems. Then she needs to work out what she wants to do for the rest of her days. It's her life afterall. Like a circle. It overlaps your life circle a bit where you share visits, special days & celebrations. But everyone is entitled to their own life circle. Do not let her overlap her circle over yours & you are then all living her life. Some try. I don't know the why. To me it's like eating your own young.

I agree with what everyone has said here ~ she thinks because she's next door her son is going to spens every spare minute with her and there is no spare minutes or interest sounds like in him doing that.
And yes she needa a mental evaluation. And a care facility will have people her own age to be with.
As a caregiver I have seen this Many times over...the elder client misses being younger and able to do things and wants to relive through their younger family but can't because thats not realistic. And the elder person becomes resentful towards others for these reasons. There is no one answer for this issue. I tell my clients family this reality all the time. It's not pleasent but its the truth ~ these elderly people have lived their lives ~ and unless you want to spend all your spare time/if you even have spare time~ on them then do so ~ and be Burnt Out within a week or two...elderly people had their life...and they need to accept that and not be selfish and take away their families lives...which they will Gladly do if you offer to give them all your time and attention. If thats what you want to do then do it. But if you don't have the time or desire then you as the Adult need to make hard adult decisions. Because elderly are not capable of making these decisions for themselves. They will put themselves in harms way with their irrational and dangerous and stubborn thought processes. So your husband needs to wakeup and be the man and Help his mother into the next phase of her life. Just ignoring her and this problem is only going to get worse.
You need to give yourself a break and don't do anything anymore and let him and his family take the reins.

No, you are not wrong. A facility would be a good place for her. Having her at your home is not working for you and your family. You have more than a full plate with a job and kids and a husband. and a business. Goodness!!! Makes me tired to think of it. What is the hitch here? How does your husband see it?

I agree she may need an evaluation and meds for her mood, as well as moving to a facility. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Here's the problem: "She wants to live independently while relying on everyone else to do things for her." This is NOT 'independent living' but an ILLUSION of independent living. Meaning she wants what she wants and is apparently getting it, at your expense!

Fact is, she NEEDS help which translates to Assisted Living. Of course you are not wrong in making that determination! In fact, Assisted Living is a wonderful environment for the elderly and provides them with a stimulating environment, hot meals, interaction with peers their own age, entertainment, the list is endless. Of course, right now, it's difficult in residential care home settings due to the damn virus. But it's definitely something to look into for down the road a bit, when things calm down.

Best of luck!

I've noticed a lot of seniors are that way. They have so many desires, but, they can't do them any longer and want others to do it for them. I bet it does hurt to know that you can't do many of the things you used to do and to know that you are a burden to your family. I'd feel bad about that too.

I'd likely get her to her doctor to see if there's any physical reason for her feeling so down or if she's depressed. Maybe, medication could help her. If not, it's difficult to get people motivated and feeling energetic, if they don't want to be. How does your DH feel about it?

No, you are not wrong. She maybe happier in one. And if not, she is not happy with you either. I am assuming Mom is not that old if you have children still at home. Can she do for herself. Take her meds correctly, bathe, dress herself. Do light housekeeping. If so maybe Independent living may be good for her. My SILs mothers IL provided meals in a dining room. Activities, outings, transportation to shopping and appts.

You are wise not to cater to her. She will do better doing for herself. I would approach DH with she is not happy living with you. Maybe an IL or an AL (if she needs any help with her ADLs) would be better. She will have people to talk to. 3 meals served to her. Activities and outings.

Its up to your MIL to make her happiness. Not u to try to make her happy. You have enough on your plate.