What can I do?? I already have two therapist coming a week and a house cleaner once a week and I haven't seen the doctor in a while now. I know that I need someone to help me. I have fallen three times in the past year and am black and blue on my arms. I took a fall the other day and cut my arm deeply and left a large bump on my right arm. I have dementia and have lost about 50 lbs in the past two years. I am an excellent cook by profession. I am also a good driver and have driven for most of my life as a job. So what do I do? I lost my wife 3 years ago with liver cancer.

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I kept my dad in his home with 13 hours per day loving caregivers and had some help from Medicaid. He was a mile away. He died 2 months ago after having to move to a nursing home. He was neglected there when I wasn’t there to take care of him. I was offered live in care and now regret not accepting the offer. I thought my dad would be safer in a skilled nursing facility. My friend had two ailing parents who had a wonderful caregiver living with them. I think it is the best option if you find someone with skulls and experience. Call a local homecare agency.
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Reply to Pbc1952
Countrymouse Mar 21, 2019
I think it's a bit different when your parent is living only a mile away - you're there on the spot, able to keep an eye on things and step in as needed.

I have heartfelt sympathy with your regret, but please take comfort. You made the best decision you could based on the information you had at the time.

I'm sorry for your very recent loss and hope you're able to come to terms with it. Be fair to yourself, at least.
Call your town's elder case worker to have them evaluate your situation. Utilize their social worker, too. You also need to see your doctor.
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Reply to Llamalover47

I hope you’ll move to assisted living to get the help you need. You’re wise to admit you need more help and moving to a place that specializes in the kinds of help you need would be a blessing for you
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Reply to Daughterof1930

Is an Assisted Living facility an option for you?
they often have bus or van services to stores, doctors offices and a variety of outings.
You would have the socialization that is so important. You would have help near by if it is needed. And you will have your own kitchen so you can prepare meals for yourself and friends.
Having someone live in is a big step. If you go that route make sure you have a written contract. You might even want to go through an agency. I realize that may cost more but you will not have to deal with taxes, workers comp insurance as well as the slight possibility that you may end up with a "squatter" that you can not easily get rid of once you no longer want that person as a caregiver. I have heard and read horror stories abut caregivers that set up residence and it costs a fortune in legal fees to evict them.
And no one can work 24/7/365 so you will need someone else while the regular care giver has tome off.
(I may be a bit on the paranoid spectrum here though)
With the Assisted Living you would not have the cost of
homeowners insurance, gas bills, water, garbage, most food expenses, electric bills, cleaning services, lawn and snow removal, and a host of other things.

If you do hire a caregiver consider the pros and cons of hiring on your own VS an agency.

By the way are you a Veteran? If so the VA may be able to help with a variety of services it does depend on when and where you served but it is worth a call.
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Reply to Grandma1954

Consider hiring a Geriatric Care Manager. They can do the assessment and assist you in finding assisted living, or maybe independent living in a continuum of care facility. A GCM could help you find all the help you need. They are very familiar with elder care and facilities, the good and the bad.

Pat yourself on the back, it is very hard to accept that help is needed. Most will not admit it to themselves, much less others.

If you think a live in is what you need now. Room and board are not fair compensation for caregivers. It could potentially lead to legal problems thAt you do not need. Also consult with an elder law attorney that would make all things legal, avoiding any problems that could occur.

Do you have family that would be willing to help you sort this all out?
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Reply to gladimhere

ALFs are only for a certain type of person who WANTS to be there, if you do not want to be there, then that can be a problem, it sounds like you are still active. If you are wanting to stay in your home you will have to hire or maybe free rent to a caregiver. Ask one of the therapist to hook you up with aging care/senior services in your area, though there is usually a years long waitlist to get help from them. If you own your own home and have the room, a live in 24 hour caregiver would really help.
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Reply to Cherrysoda

First of all I just want to say thank you and you’re a smart cookie it takes a lot for a person to realize they need help yes get help if you need it get it the only person you’re hurting is yourself if you don’t but you’re smart enough to figure that out if you need it get
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Reply to Scarlettrene

It sounds as though it would be better for you to move to where people are, rather than to bring more people in to where you are.

It's a matter of access to support as and when you need it; as well as the opportunity to be part of a community with things to do and people to get to know day by day. You already have therapists visiting (what sort, to help with what?) and you already have some help around the house; but it isn't keeping you on your feet and it isn't compensating for the important aspects of your life that you must miss.

The right kind of facility or community will offer much more than just a safe place for you to be passively looked after. Have you had a chance to visit any near you? Do at least have a think about it and a closer look at some you think worth investigating. You know that you *are* going to need more support, probably before much more time passes. and the sooner you can establish yourself in the right setting the better your chances of really getting the best from it.
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Reply to Countrymouse

Call your local Office of Aging. See if they can come and evaluate your situation. Even Adult Protection Services. Tell them you need help.
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Reply to JoAnn29

So sorry that you are having such a hard time. Sorry for the loss of your wife. I’m sure you miss her.

I care for my mom since 2005 and my dad died in 2002. Mom kisses his picture every night and tells him that she loves him, so very sweet.

First off, why aren’t you seeing a doctor? Falling is no fun! My mom falls and it scares me to death.

I would say to go go look at assisted living facility if that is an option. They have a nurse available. They have housekeeping and meals served. You would also have company. People who know how you feel. Take care.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

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