Sleep apnea and some other medical decisions. She drinks a lot and smokes a lot. She keeps getting involved with men that scam her for money and makes terrible decisions that could be life threatening. She’s a compulsive liar and won’t let me help her. How do I go about getting a pysch evaluation for her, I have talked with her doctor once before and she lies to him also so I’m at my wits end. Please help!
Re "compulsive liar".
People lie for many reasons.
Rewards? Lie to get what gives her fun/excitement? (smokes, drink, attention from men)
Control? Fear of losing control so lies to avoid involving others - to stay independant.
Denial or lack of insight?
Eg I am NOT getting old. I CAN cook, shower, buy things online safely etc (even if evidence shows this is not actually the case).
Not all risk takers are bored teens! There are elders that KNOW they are behaving in risky ways - yet choose to do so.
They hear the advice & know if they lose all their money gambling or to yet another scam there will be no money for bills/food - yet they gamble or take risks with money anyway.
As pointed out, making bad decisions is not illegal.
So what do you suspect?
A long held mental health problem? Addiction issues? Or changed behaviour - something NEW?
New memory problems?
New planning or problem solving? Changes to personality? Recent stroke? Or other serious health issue?
Getting an emergency psych eval is a high bar: Maybe only available for risk to own life or serious violence/threat to others.
Although you may see risk to safety (financial loss, poor health decisions) this may not be enough for any intervention.
Seek advice from Mom's Doctor with your concerns. While they may not be able/willing to discuss her private info without her consent or presence, it's worth a go as the Doctor can LISTEN to concerns. This can trigger a 'checkup' appointment where the Doctor does some subtle cognitive screening tests. This approach worked for me.
You may have to wait until something happens to get her help. This is where your POA would come in. Its a tool so if Mom cannot speak for herself, someone can. It doesn't mean you financially support her or physically care for her. You also aren't at her beck and call.
Be aware if the State takes over her care, you will have no say in where she is placed or in her care. Quickest way to get her care though.
Youneed to act in your own behalf. I hope against hope that Mom isn't living with you, because you have a world of woe to pry her out at this point. If you are living with her you need to get a job, an apartment, and leave.
Mom can make her own decisions for her own life and by now it must be clear that she intends to do just that. You cannot change others. You CAN act to protect yourself,and it is my fervent hope for you that you will do so.
I suggest you legally resign as POA and inform any entities you are acting for Mom with that you have resigned. It is a simple letter to your Mom to do so. The state will act for her if she requires it.
Suggested reading is Liz Scheier's excellent book, a memoir of her lifetime trying to help her mother with the help of New York City and State (and she never could help her)--title is Never Simple.