I care for a 90 year old with mild dementia and his daughters want me to be with him for over 2 hours. How do I tell his daughters this?

If they really want you there the two hours, or for whatever reason, it must stay 2 hours, what else can you do during that time to be of use? Can you change his sheets? Do laundry? Clean the kitchen? The bathroom? Vacuum?

You can just tell him, “Yes, I’m going to leave in ‘a few minutes’. First I’m just going to clean the bathroom.” Then it becomes, ‘Yes, I’m going to leave in a ‘few minutes’. First I’m just going to vacuum the floor.”

See if he resists.

Fixing a hearty, healthy meal and sharing it with her is the main thing I do when visiting my Mom, who is 87 with moderate dementia. I expect her part time caregivers to do the same when they come. Nutrition is a major factor in the health of someone with dementia. Imagine what he might settle for eating if no one was there to cook. The time frame is 3 hours per visit, which allows enough time to cook, eat a leisurely lunch together, clean up, then maybe take a short walk together or just sit together a little while and talk, if there aren't any household chores that day. Especially with the pandemic, seniors are too isolated, and the social time is a huge mood booster for them. See if you can get him away from the TV a little if it isn't his top favorite program. Include 15 minutes of some moderate physical exercise. If his mind is sharp enough, get him to play a game with you. The time will fly, and you will build a good relationship for later on when he may need more care.

IF they are paying you for 2 hours and he really does not need the 2 hours tell them that.
It will save them money (actually it will save him money as I am sure you are being paid from his account)
It might be best if you have a "sign in log" and when you come in write down the time and when you leave write down the time. That way if one day you need 2 hours it will be indicated the next day you might need an hour and that will be in writing. At the end of the week they can pay you for the hours that you have worked.
As he declines and needs more help you can discuss that with them.
At least they know you are honest and not sitting on your phone for an hour just to be there for 2 hours as they want. That way when you discuss with them that you think he needs a bit more help than you can give him in 1 or 2 hours they will trust what you are telling them.

He feels independent but because of his memory deficit really isn't. Most likely he is also bored and lonely. How do you create 2 hours of time? Prepare the meal, clean up, prepare left-overs for later. Then make a pot of coffee or tea, and join him, asking him about himself and telling him about you. Bring him out of his shell, create a dialogue whereby he feels you are more than just "help". In time you will learn what his interests are, what makes him feel motivated and happy, and what else you can offer to make the time go by.

By sharing with them exactly what you have shared with us in your post. His daughters should just be grateful that their father is still so independent at his age. But don't worry, if he has dementia, that will only continue to get worse and there may come a time when you will have to stay longer with him, as he will eventually require more care.

Why have the daughters picked two hours? If you find that you're completing all the tasks it's sensible to do within one hour, and especially if your being there more than that begins to get on their dad's nerves, then tell them so.

One of the first things my line manager ever said to me was "we work to the job, not to the time." Usually this means that if a call *over*runs we still have the luxury (it is a luxury, in social care circles) of staying for as long as need be (within reason), but this works both ways. If the client has already got himself washed and dressed and has his breakfast all ready to eat we praise him, document it, check all is well and are on our merry way in fifteen minutes.

What sort of activities are the daughters worried that their father isn't coping with?

Can you make the cleaning up in the kitchen last longer by cleaning the refrigerator, or a section of the shelves, if they need it. If not needed, I also think that it's best to let his daughters know what you've said here. Many people with dementia think that they are ok, and resist having caregivers. He may just want to be left alone.

Hi! I have 90 yo parents who say they do not want me to clean or work. But it needs done! So I just do it without asking. If you are being paid to be there for two hours you definitely don't want to waste a minute. Clean something and check in with him. Start a puzzle and invite him to join you, unplug the tv if you can and bring him a PBJ sandwhich or his favorite cookie.
I would just sit with him sometimes and make small talk. Maybe ask if you can turn off the TV so you can ask him a question about his service in the military, his school or child hood or some photo you are there..
Maybe you ask him for help..." Hey Bob, could you help me find the silverware?" Or Joe could you help me with this drawer or with the puzzle or what ever you are doing. Maybe he would help you take a walk....
" Can I show you this book about Airplanes? "
Being creative is fun and will pass the time more quickly for both of you!
Best wishes,

I care for a 90 yo with mild dementia but still capable of taking care of self. She enjoys just the company. We talk about current events, share memories, etc. As she became more comfortable with me, she has allowed me to help her with dressing, laundry, light cleaning, picking up groceries. She now trusts me & leans on me more although maintaining as much of her independence as possible. Slowly develop a friendship with him & hopefully he'll allow you to do more for him as time goes on.

Talk to his daughters about expectations. Do they expect you to socialize, cook, clean, do laundry, administer medications...? Let them know that he really only wants you there for an hour max and only to make him a home-cooked meal - and probably clean-up afterwards. He should be encouraged to care for himself and his home as he is able. In your discussions, everybody should come to agreement on your duties in caring for their father.