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I do not want to feel aggravated. I feel really guilty, because I get aggravated. It's only me, my sister passed away, my kids and nephews help as much as they can. They are young and all work...so that's hard. Anyway sometimes people want me to come to their house and it's SO HARD to bring them out I have wheelchairs, walkers, Medicine, incontinent supplies, their blankets extra clothes...kinda like having twins but elderly women. Then my Aunt has dementia so she's a mess after we go anywhere for at least a week...it's so hard to go anywhere..because I can NOT leave them alone. I can't take only 1 unless I find detailed someone to sit home with the other one. Family events are HARD because the whole family will be there and the family is who helps watch them. ANY IDEAS??? I do not mind having gatherings here at home and it does not bother either 1 of them. I have a mess to clean, but I do not want to hurt anyone else's feelings about always having to come to me.

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I'm in the same boat with an aunt who had no children, so another cousin and I are playing tag team along with my mom. Mom and Aunt B are 79 and 81, respectively, so things aren't as advanced as they will be... but it's really hard. Hang in there! You are doing a great thing being willing to take care of both of them. 💗
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You all really get it THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I am so happy to hear from all of you Thank you for understanding!! It's so good to know I am not alone !!! You all have Great Advice ! Like for real nobody can even begin to know what it's like unless you have lived it......
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The first thing that I would do is find out how to get some respite time, so you can take some time off. It's not healthy to work as a caregiver around the clock with no off time. I'd try to get at least a week, maybe two. After resting, I'd try to figure out how to get some daily help, either with their money or explore what benefits they may be entitled to. I'd also try to focus on your own needs and not so much about what other family members think. When you are saving the ship from sinking, I hardly think those around have the right to comment on how you do it. Give yourself more praise and tell others what will and won't work for you, your mom and auntie. Don't forget to consider what is reasonable under the circumstances. Your family members don't seem to be thinking along those lines, if they expect you to drive them both to their homes for events. Some of the suggestions upthread make sense to me.
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Hopefully both elderly ladies are contributing towards household expenses, and you should use some of those monies to use towards in home care, as well as towards you getting out on your own, and having some time off from caring, or soon (if not already), you will be feared towards Caregiver Burnout! Heck, utilize their leftover monies towards these services!

You should make an assessment appointment with your local Counties Area on Aging (senior services), to see where help might be beneficial to you. You may be eligible to receive RESPITE CARE, and even get a waiver, so you can get some much heeded time off, to recharge your own batteries, and probably many more services and help too!!

This time Cannot be all about the oldies, as your life matters too! Keep working towards taking care of your own needs, as the oldies are being cared for, and quite nicely, I'm sure!
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Thank you all for understanding.....and No Aunt was Never married ,never had children .and my only sibling died ,and so did my father who was her brother so next in line is me .I think I will look into a home health that has elderly caregiver get for my aunt ..that way at least my mother can get out more .
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The first thing to get your head around is that you don't have to worry about anyone else's feelings, and you really can't afford to. I'm sure it's next to impossible to get both of them out to a gathering at the same time; it would be hard enough with one. I am the one who seems to be permanently designated to bring my mother to family gatherings so I sort of know what it's like. Anyone who might have been expected to help you is already there or is going on their own.

There are a few ways to approach this. One, tell the family member that you can't bring Mom and Auntie unless someone volunteers to come to your house and travel with you there and back. If that fails, tell them that you can't come with both of them, but everyone is welcome to stop by your house after the gathering for coffee and cake. We've done that at my mother's house a few times.

The bigger problem I see is that you can't leave the two of them, or even one of them, alone at home. You need some time off and you need to be free of the burden of taking both out when only one needs to go (for example, to a drs. appointment). If your nephews can't contribute time due to working, could they contribute money for a sitter for their mother so she can be left at home safely while you take only your own mother?

This is a situation that can't continue as it is indefinitely. You need to demand more help from your nephews especially. Failing that, you need to consider placing one or both elderly ladies in a care facility.
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What about your aunt? Does she have any children? Why are you responsible for your aunt?
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