I have 2 elderly Aunts with dementia. The 81 yr old is defiant, wants to drive and says awful things to me because I will not give her key.

Thank you, I made a call with doctor's office. They said the doctor can prescribe a nurse to come and regulate meds weekly.

If you’re determined not to use a memory care facility, you need to hire help to come into their home. Neither is safe with the current set up. Remove both the car and the keys so they aren’t staring your aunt in the face daily reminding her about driving. Don’t argue with her, she’s no longer rational or able to make good decisions, the arguing will never lead to anything positive. And again, they both need more help

You are doing the right thing by not letting her drive. It is estimated that people with dementia have 5 times the accidents as those w/o dementia. They get confused, don't understand traffic signs, get lost, etc. If she gets into an accident, and knowing she has dementia, the insurance co may not pay for damage or injury regardless if she's at fault.

With the 81 yo having dementia, she should not be caring for the older aunt. It's a safety issue. It sounds like the severe diagnosis was just recently given. The severe stage just doesn't happen overnite. Symptoms worsen over years and long before someone has gotten to the severe stage, other symptoms would have been obvious.

Do not give your aunt the car keys. You don't mention anything about the 88 yo, but at this point, it sounds like both should be looking at AL facilities.

I’m sorry you are going through this very difficult situation. However, it sounds like this situation is not a safe one for either aunt. If the 88 year old is on any meds and relies on the 81 year old, not getting her meds at all or being overdosed is a real concern. If the 88 year old is nasty with you, she’s probably also nasty with the 81 year old. Her brain is broken.

They both need to be kept safe. A Care home can do that.