First, I appreciate this group and it's comforting to see others in my situation. This is my first post. I hope this isn't a boring read!! I could use some advice.
A little background: My mom is 83 years old and lives alone in an independent living facility. I am an only child and live about 10 minutes away. My sweet dad passed away 14 years ago and my mom never remarried. Her health is fairly good; she has type 2 diabetes and severe peripheral neuropathy in her feet and hands. She uses a walker and has had many falls; thankfully nothing severe.
She depends on me quite a bit and I feel like whatever I do is never enough and most of the time it's never completely correct. She has been very hurtful in the past about my weight and about things she dreams up that I have or have not done that hurt her feelings. Despite my many shortcomings, I think if she had it her way I would be with her 24 hours every day, lol. She wants to know where I am constantly and is upset if I don't answer the phone every time she calls or if I am not immediately available to do something she needs. It gets exhausting and suffocating. I think she has the beginnings of dementia.
I have 3 children and 6 grandchildren. One of my daughters lives 4 hours away and I would like to go on Monday to spend a few days with her and the kids. Her husband is away for work and I relish the thought of just being with her for a visit. I am dreading telling my mom because I know she will insist that she goes with me. I feel like she's always considered my children to also be her children and she insists on going with me whenever I see them. I really just want to go alone but I feel SO guilty about not asking my mom to go. One one hand I feel like I should be able to do what I want; to see my daughter if I please. On the other, I feel like a monster for not wanting to take my mom.
This sounds horrible and selfish: When I take mom on trips, I am not able to relax; I am a babysitter for her. I fetch this and that, cook for her, clean up after her, worry about her falling, help her get dressed, and basically do her bidding the entire time we're gone.
I just want to do this for me. Am I a horrible daughter? How do I tell her I'm going and what do I say when she insists on going?
Thank you for your honesty in advance!