Hello My name is Natasha,

I'm 39 with 3 children and 2 grandsons. My 2 eldest are 21 and 17 and I have a baby of 7 months old and also have a fiance of 3 years and I currently care for my father who is now 66.

5 years ago my mother got really sick, she had been battling cancer for around 10 years. Prior to her getting worse, I took her to the hospital because I noticed she was feeling increasingly worse than usual, the hospital told me that she had suffered a stroke. To cut a long story short, she suffered multiple strokes whilst in the hospital. 5 days had passed and she could not move, talk, just nothing. So the doctors said there is nothing they can do and she probably only has a couple of months to live. I know my mother didn't want to go in a home so I quit work and took her home and cared for her 24/7. I had 4 brothers that didn't want to help, just visit and then leave. Well my mother lasted 15 months and her last 4 days of her life she slipped into a coma and then eventually slipped away to sleep. I was so exhausted so drained but so prvilliged that I was holding my mother/best friend to her last very breath, she was only 62 years young.

I thought then that I would regain some kind of life back. Before I met my partner I was single for 8 years raising my 2 girls on my own with a good job.

So after I buried my mother my dad just moved himself in to my home. I thought ok we have lost the queen of our family and you just need some time, so I didn't think much of it until he started making demands and taking over my home (changing my furniture around telling me what I should be doing and waiting for breakfast lunch and dinner to be served to him. Not to mention always making a remark when I went out either shopping or just time out for myself. My kids were starting to notice it, not to mention he always made them wait on him foot and hand. I had met my partner just before my mum passed and so we decided that we wanted to move forward with our relationship and he moved in with me. After he moved in I noticed that my father was being more demanding as in a cuppa tea or coffee every hour or a sandwich pretty much every 3 hours.

As time went on he started getting aggressive with me as I was spending more time with my partner, also he was putting me down to other family members, these members of the family would call me and tell me what he was saying and that I needed to do more for my father. My daughter got so sick of my father's negativity and controlling ways she moved out.

I continued to look after him with breakfast lunch and dinner and tried to ignore the remarks and negativity he was putting out. During this time one of my brothers came to me because he found out his wife of 20 years was unfaithful and that she left with there children to start a new life with this other man, so my brother needed a place to stay. I said yes, I was pregnant at the time. My brother was suffering from depression due to what he was going through also he was not dealing at all not seeing his kids. It was hard with him at my place because my dad would make remarks like harden up, or your a f#$king p*ssy and to top it off he said you should go hang yourself it's the best thing for you.

About 3 weeks later I went out to go buy a pram as I was due in 8 weeks at that time, so I got home and with a broken heart my brother had commit suicide he was only 42.

My father's reaction was like 'oh well everyone feel sorry for me'.

Anyway this being said I asked my dad to respect my house and my kids and partner please, well he tried to hit me with his walking stick and tried to punch me, yes while I was pregnant. He has made my life a living hell for 3 years now. He has told other family members that he is here to ruin my life and make it a living hell.

He has made my children dislike him due to his attitude and the way he treats me and my partner.

I have so much resentment towards my father. I hate my life not to mention all the health issues I have now.

Find Care & Housing
He is 66. He has a good 30 years left in him. Do you?
He is living in your home. You need now to go to a lawyer and find out exactly how to evict him OUT of your home. Give him a set amount of time, and he is gone. If you need a sheriff to remove him, then do so.
Of course if he were to assault you again it would make it so much easier. Because that is a call to the police, removal from your home, and the filing of a restraining order.
You have a primary family. They come first. Not everyone is worthy of our loving care.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to AlvaDeer

Your father needs to move out, NOW.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to MargaretMcKen

Is it part of your culture to have a multi generational home? Cause I can guarantee you that 99% of people do not feel obligated to move a parent into their home just because they have been left without their spouse. Your children are your 1st obligation, you can not allow this bitter, angry entitled man to dominate their home and screw up their childhoods. Find him an alternate address, NOW.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to cwillie

PS - As Ravin says, you are a wonderful caregiver. You do not hate being a caregiver - you hate being walked all over like a doormat, and seeing people you loved being abused. It's not at all the same thing! Big hugs to you.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Countrymouse

And you are continuing to let him live with you and abuse your family...Why? Might be time to take your life back, quite simply put, this is not working and your family deserves better. You are allowing this to continue, by allowing him to live with you, certainly not fair to you or your family. Your youngest child will end paying the price for living in an abusive, toxic home, as children hear and see everything although you may not realize this. Do the right thing for your family, send pops packing. Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to DollyMe

So he basically talked your brother into killing himself, and tells others he is out to make your life a living hell? And you still have him living with you? Call the sheriffs dept and find out how to start eviction proceedings. Let him and the rest of your family you are doing this, and let the chips fall where they may. Every time he "acts up" call the police and file a report, this may make evection easier. Stop making his life easier by waiting on him hand and foot, and let the kids know they are also not his servants. Hard, but needs to be done
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to pamzimmrrt

Its time for Dad to move out. Your reason, he is abusive. You are his daughter, not his wife. Its your home, not his. I would have put him in his place ages ago. Bet he isn't paying u anything. Look in ur Community for low income senior housing that charges 30% of what Dad brings in. Find out what resources are available by calling Office on Aging. If Dad has money, tell him that he needs to find a place of his own, now. Him living with you is not working.

Come back and tell us how things are working out.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to JoAnn29
Natasha1980 Aug 31, 2019
Thankyou JoAnn29 for your advice and you are 100% correct, he doesn't pay me anything.

I am going to do my best to change it only for the better.
I definitely will come back and let you know how it's going.
I am greatful for the advice
There is such good advice in the answers to your guestion. I just have 1 little thing to add.
You are a wonderful caretaker. You showed that the way you gave your mother love in the hardest part of her life. What you hate is being treated as a slave from someone who should be thankful for all you have done to help his life be better. I think he is sick himself an needs to be in a home. But I am not there. You still need to be a care taker. But this time for yourself and like everyone else has said, your family.
I pray for you, even tho we sometimes know the answers the process is the hardest part. Be kind to yourself.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Ravin1
Natasha1980 Aug 31, 2019
Tthankyou Ravin1,

I appreciate your kind words and especially your advice.

I am working on it and doing my best to change it only for the better.
If my Dad, or anyone for that matter, talked to me like that - I would have him removed from my home immediately.  Find an assisted living facility.  Call the Sheriff.  Get him out of your home.  This is abuse and you need to protect your children as well as yourself!  Please!
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to dlpandjep

I'd be showing that narcissistic parasite to the front door. Good riddance.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Marquis

See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter