I've no exerience in your situation but I have to wonder if, at 87, a person like your mother can slip into also having dementia. I ask because her age begs the question whether she is actually able to help herself (and by this I mean a rehab or 12-step program)? Maybe I'm being totally naive (but want to state that I do not believe in enabling or toxic co-dependent relationships). Is there someone else who you can work through to help her by proxy? Like a neighbor, non-alcoholic friend, other family member? And by help I mean taking her to get assessed for cognitive/memory impairment, detoxing, etc.? Or maybe contacting APS to get her on their radar as a vulnerable adult? Also, is she still driving?
I've very sorry that you have a mother like this...I wish you much wisdom for the situation and peace in your heart whatever transpires.
When you posted this question yesterday, you got a response from Riverdale which says: "You will get more responses if you inform of circumstances and relationships."
Many people here have gone no contact with NPD mothers. It's never an easy decision, but it can be a life saving one for the daughters and sons for obvious reasons. There is a whole thread (in discussions) on this topic here:
Hopefully, you will glean some useful information/coping tips from this discussion thread which has over 1,000 comments on it to date.
I'm so sorry you are going through such a stressful situation with your mother. Alcoholism is a terrible thing and there really isn't anything YOU can do for HER until & unless SHE wants to change her behavior. And then to throw NPD into the mix just makes the whole problem even more chaotic.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Peace and prayers sent your way, my friend.
I've very sorry that you have a mother like this...I wish you much wisdom for the situation and peace in your heart whatever transpires.
Many people here have gone no contact with NPD mothers. It's never an easy decision, but it can be a life saving one for the daughters and sons for obvious reasons. There is a whole thread (in discussions) on this topic here:
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/caregiving-for-a-narcissistic-mother-do-we-do-it-out-of-love-or-out-of-years-of-guilt-and-programmin-463032.htm?orderby=recent
Hopefully, you will glean some useful information/coping tips from this discussion thread which has over 1,000 comments on it to date.
I'm so sorry you are going through such a stressful situation with your mother. Alcoholism is a terrible thing and there really isn't anything YOU can do for HER until & unless SHE wants to change her behavior. And then to throw NPD into the mix just makes the whole problem even more chaotic.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Peace and prayers sent your way, my friend.