I guess this is a dumb question, but how do you go back to work... living your own life after being a caregiver for so long?

It is very difficult, and you have all my sympathy. Tothill's plan is brilliant, and I hope you will feel much better just having got that far.

I don't know if this is true for you as well, but I found that another serious problem was deciding what I actually wanted to do, and I dithered and faffed about for far too long. But time pressed on, I was hired on the 28th August, and if I can persuade an employer to take a risk on me then anyone can! I haven't worked for a company since 1989, everything I've done has been either freelance or caregiving-related.

Volunteering is a very good way to let other people see how you function and build up a track record; this is important, because as caregivers we tend to become isolated and when we're asked for references or evidence we're stuck.

Another way to network is through training or vocational education - are you near any colleges that might offer relevant courses?

I should be careful about not letting the youngsters discourage you. For one thing, the old Catch-22 that "you can't get a job without experience, and you can't get experience without a job" has been a complaint for as long as I can remember, and yet people do, don't they, start work all the time. And for another, you're not looking for the same type of beginning for the same reasons: you, with life experience and real responsibility under your belt, are a completely different proposition as a candidate.

That's what I'm confronting with my mom. I been caring for her for over 10 years and now she is at end-stage Alzheimer's disease, bedridden and not even able to talk, kept alive with tube feedings and free water flushes. You do have to start planning your life even while caregiving. If you have help watching her, you can work part time...I work once a week; I have my foot in the door. I also got my Bachelor's degree since caregiving; most of it was online. SO when mom dies it won't be as horrendous. I studied and worked very hard to make top grades so that education did not cost me a single dime as I won scholarships...sometimes two or three of them. I'm not a smart person by any means. It simply means I had to work and study harder than the average person. I needed those grades since I could not afford college so scholarships took care of the financial part. Graduating with honors meant a free education. It also looks good on a resume and shows the employer the caregiver has initiative despite their dismal situation.

Caregivers basically live off the income of the person they care for, and when they die, that means of support is severed. It's a kind of odd living arrangement where the caregiver and patient need each other to survive.

You do have to plan your life even as a caregiver since they won't be around forever and the bills just keep on coming in!

Age 40's you really are still VERY YOUNG.
I'm 60 years old. I went back to college in my early 50's. If I can do it..anybody can.

I’m an HR professional with 20yrs experience and was a caregiving to my mom for 8 yrs. Absolutely you can use those years of experience on a resume! Skills learned doing caregiving: perseverance, organizational skills, empathy, training, scheduling, time management, negotiating skills. What you really need to make sure you have when interviewing is a positive attitude and energy, which isn’t easy after years of caregiving, so you may have to work on that. Best to you and your brother.

Along with what others have suggested regarding your resume, I would think that once you do get in front of that hiring manager, you will say something like "I don't know if you have aging parents or Grandparents, but my time in caring for mine has now come to an end", believe it or not, most people do have some experience with elderly care issues and your honesty and compassion might show what a dedicated employee you truly will be.

Good Luck!

Finding work should not be too tough as there are so many open jobs in most places. You could get a caregiving job quite easily with the past 20 years of experience. You are fortunate to be young and many working years in front of you, that will make the task easier. I was 60 when I returned to my career after caring for mom and stepdad for four years. Get over to your job service center to see what training options that they have available. What type of work do you hope to find?

That aside, you and brother should not even try to pay facility costs for dad. He should pay himself with his resources. If resources are limited, then dad needs to get on long term care Medicaid. Check with your Area Agency on Aging for any services they may be able to refer you to for dad.

You were NOT unemployed! You were doing some of the hardest work there is. You developed many skills during that time, not the least of which is case-management. There is a term for this: “transferable skills.” I would recommend googling “caregiving transferable skills” or combine the type of work that interests you, e.g. “program management caregiving transferable skills.” You’ll get lists of skills that are in common with caregiving and your field of interest. List these as skills you possess, and list the period of time you were caregiving in your work chronology. And definitely do not play it down during an interview by saying anything like “I was just taking care of my parents.” You we’re managing and providing daily care for your elderly/disabled parents. I’m proud of you for wanting to go back to work. It is a good way to keep your brain stimulated and yourself socially connected; two factors which have been found important in protecting us from ending up like our parents. I wish you the very best on your new journey!

Since stopping caregiving a year ago, I’ve had numerous interviews, apply to at least 10 jobs a week, and still haven’t found a job. I’ve resorted to driving Lyft and Uber and a part time position for Visiting Angels. I had 15+ years of Project Management/Construction/Drafting under my belt and was making $60,000+ a year. I’m not trying to be negative to any of the suggestions. In fact, I plan to follow some of the great advice. But, believe me, it has not been easy. Even entry level jobs have been given to others. I have always made a point in interviews to explain the 3 year gap, but it does not seem to make a difference. I think I will redo my resume as any have suggested. Please pray for me and others as I have zero retirement at this time. I’m even willing to go back to school. I’m also trying to go through a temp agency just to get “back into the workforce”.

I'm now in the same boat, my mom just went into a nursing home last month, almost two months now, and it's hard . REALLY HARD.... Doing care giving for so long, that when it finally stops... you don't know what to do . Ive slowly been cleaning up the house, donating clothes, and other things to the Good Will, throwing out garbage and old things in the house we haven't used in years...
No one talks about it, but once the life of a care giver ends... weather the person the care giver was caring for dies or goes into long term care, there is no longer a sense of normalcy .... It all just stops... and the care giver is left hanging, picking up the pieces of there life . It's lonely . I tried reaching out to old friends, family friends... and honestly , I am starting to give up... I don't know when I'll go back to college or when I'll find work... but no one talks about what a care giver gives up.... they simply give up there life in a way... and no one wants to talk about it or admit to it... I pray one day , I have a sense of normal... but for right now..I'm just taking it day by day ...Learning as I go, how to redo my life, now that I no longer care for my mom.

Google experience based resume, You to not list the jobs you have had, but the skills you have learned along the way.

I feed feral cats, have for 4.5 years, that translates into works well independently.

Problem solving

Working long hours

cooking and cleaning etc.

Go to you local employment centre and ask for a resume building workshop. Look into volunteer activities to help you fill out your resume.

I am the volunteer coordinator at a Tax Clinic. I have given 3 of the volunteers references this year. I have not had requests for references from the other volunteers yet, but I would be happy to provide them.

I wish I knew. I was only caregiving for my mother for three years, as even though I had worked for 25 years prior, I am finding it difficult to get back into the workforce. Also, in my 40’s and apparently you can’t have any gaps in employment. I have actually added “caregiver” to my resume to fill in that gap. I am supposed to start a job next week doing “caregiving”. It’s the only place I’ve found work. And it’s not guaranteed hours. I’ve also been driving on weekends for Lyft at the College football games. It’s not fair to get penalized for taking care of our parents. Funny, the other five siblings have done nothing and kept their jobs and high living. Praying you have better luck than me.