Sorry to hear about your Dad. Many times we get warning signs about our LO’s impending death. Otherwise it can take us by surprise. If it was unexpected you may wonder how did it happen; unless you were present at the occurrence. You are entitled to ask questions about your Dad’s situation. If you are not satisfied with those answers then you should seek legal assistance because what happens in a NH tends to stay in the NH.
Hello BigMama, Sorry for the loss of your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. GardenArtist offers very good advice, I would follow up with her advice.
Please accept my sincere condolences for having lost your father. Your emotions are running high which is normal and natural as the shock and grief begin to set in. You are desperately searching for answers and the reasons why things happened the way they did. We always want to know the "whys" of everything unpleasant and painful that we experience along life's journey.
Most elderly people do take many falls for a variety of reasons. I thought my mom would never fall because she had taken such good care of herself over the years. Yet, I was still shocked the first time she fell in her apartment at an AL facility several years ago. Actually, looking back she had fallen prior to that back in 2007 in her backyard when she was still living in her home. She fell off a short step stool while trimming a small tree. She had to crawl to get to her back door in order to call me - she had fractured her wrist trying to "break" her fall. Now, that she is no longer able to even walk due to getting COVID in April and is under hospice care in her new facilities memory care unit, she has fallen at least six times since moving there the last part of May. Some may fall because they are weaker than they realize, they lose their balance, some form of medication may have a sedating side effect, there are other health-related issues coming into play - bad hips and/or knees, vision issues, vertigo. These are just to name a few. If they end up fracturing or breaking something due to the fall or hit their head which can become very serious those things can bring about a very quick decline or even death.
What I've noticed in a variety of caregiver questions/comments, is we simply don't want to "let go" and we want to prevent anything and everything from happening to them because we don't want to see them suffer or get hurt along with not wanting to lose them. We are often trying so hard to "control" how their illness plays out. But, unfortunately we can't - we are human, we may make a wrong decision here and there, we may not be able to be with our loved one at a particular moment in time and so on. We want everything to make sense and when it doesn't, we replay everything that happened up until those "last" moments.
I know that none of the things that happen to our loved ones or even ourselves for that matter takes God by surprise. He is aware of everything before it even happens and that's what I try to remember in situations like these. It's when I remember that, I am then able to focus on dealing with my loss and grief.
I wish you peace of mind as you try to move forward! Take care of yourself -
May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
It happens. He was in a nursing home because he was at the end of his journey. I would be thankful that he didn't suffer more by lingering for months. Try not to look for someone to blame, it was his time to go.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your father. It must be such a shock, and so difficult, but know that you'll have sympathy and support from the folks here.
As to the cause of death, my first thought after reading Barb's inquiry was whether or not your father hit his head, hemorrhaged, and died from that.
Assuming the hospital had an attending or other physician prepared the Death Certificate, the causes should be listed, and that would be my first step - to find out the causes. Also assuming arrangements have been made for him to be taken to a funeral home, it may also have access to the Death Certificate.
If he wasn't taken to an ER and the nursing home attending doctor prepared the death certificate, contact that NH. The DON (Director of Nursing) should be able to give you the cause of death, and probably would discuss delivery of your father's body to the funeral home of your choice.
These are the first calls I'd make.
And I hope you can get answers that provide comfort to you at this very sad time.
I'm sorry for your loss. Falls and injuries from falls are quite common with seniors. If you have reason to doubt what happened, you can explore a copy of the report on it. You might even consult with an attorney to explore what happened in more detail and if there was any negligence. I wouldn't wait though, as there are time deadlines.
BIGMAMAMOORE, I am sorry for the loss of your dad. Falling and getting injured is extremely common in the elderly. My auntie has fallen and broken bones in her own home 3x the past 2 years all under the watchful eyes of my cousins (her caregivers) and in-home agency helpers. NHs cannot restrain residents, and falling at night is a huge problem because many are getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. They dont remember to press the Help button at their bedside. Even if they do that they don't wait for the help to arrive. They get disoriented in the dark, and depending on their age, are so wobbly in their balance they just fall and there are lots of hard things to bump against. BarbBrooklyn has asked good questions for you to pursue, so please do as recommended. I wish you peace in your heart in the coming days.
So true. That's exactly what has been happening to my mom - they don't sleep well, get out of bed to go to the bathroom, don't remember to press the call button, if they do, they don't wait and on and on. And your right, the facilities can't restrain them. The best they are able to do for my mom under hospice direction is they gave her a very low dosage of medication to take the edge off which in turn helped her to sleep better and it did therefore preventing those middle of the night falls. Also, hospice provided a fall mat to place on the floor beside her bed. As far as I know, she hasn't fallen during the night ever since but, has had a few falls during the daytime.
To me this does not sound kosher and it makes me angry
I know others here have been more understanding for the NH and that is good. I am not there yet.
GardenArtist offers very good advice, I would follow up with her advice.
Please accept my sincere condolences for having lost your father. Your emotions are running high which is normal and natural as the shock and grief begin to set in. You are desperately searching for answers and the reasons why things happened the way they did. We always want to know the "whys" of everything unpleasant and painful that we experience along life's journey.
Most elderly people do take many falls for a variety of reasons. I thought my mom would never fall because she had taken such good care of herself over the years. Yet, I was still shocked the first time she fell in her apartment at an AL facility several years ago. Actually, looking back she had fallen prior to that back in 2007 in her backyard when she was still living in her home. She fell off a short step stool while trimming a small tree. She had to crawl to get to her back door in order to call me - she had fractured her wrist trying to "break" her fall. Now, that she is no longer able to even walk due to getting COVID in April and is under hospice care in her new facilities memory care unit, she has fallen at least six times since moving there the last part of May. Some may fall because they are weaker than they realize, they lose their balance, some form of medication may have a sedating side effect, there are other health-related issues coming into play - bad hips and/or knees, vision issues, vertigo. These are just to name a few. If they end up fracturing or breaking something due to the fall or hit their head which can become very serious those things can bring about a very quick decline or even death.
What I've noticed in a variety of caregiver questions/comments, is we simply don't want to "let go" and we want to prevent anything and everything from happening to them because we don't want to see them suffer or get hurt along with not wanting to lose them. We are often trying so hard to "control" how their illness plays out. But, unfortunately we can't - we are human, we may make a wrong decision here and there, we may not be able to be with our loved one at a particular moment in time and so on. We want everything to make sense and when it doesn't, we replay everything that happened up until those "last" moments.
I know that none of the things that happen to our loved ones or even ourselves for that matter takes God by surprise. He is aware of everything before it even happens and that's what I try to remember in situations like these. It's when I remember that, I am then able to focus on dealing with my loss and grief.
I wish you peace of mind as you try to move forward! Take care of yourself -
May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
It happens. He was in a nursing home because he was at the end of his journey. I would be thankful that he didn't suffer more by lingering for months. Try not to look for someone to blame, it was his time to go.
As to the cause of death, my first thought after reading Barb's inquiry was whether or not your father hit his head, hemorrhaged, and died from that.
Assuming the hospital had an attending or other physician prepared the Death Certificate, the causes should be listed, and that would be my first step - to find out the causes. Also assuming arrangements have been made for him to be taken to a funeral home, it may also have access to the Death Certificate.
If he wasn't taken to an ER and the nursing home attending doctor prepared the death certificate, contact that NH. The DON (Director of Nursing) should be able to give you the cause of death, and probably would discuss delivery of your father's body to the funeral home of your choice.
These are the first calls I'd make.
And I hope you can get answers that provide comfort to you at this very sad time.
Was your dad transported to the ER after the fall or was he examined by a medical professional at the NH?
Are you suspicious that when they called you to tell you about the fall, something else was going on?
There is no way for us to know, of course. Who at the facility have you spoken to?
Again, this is terribly sad, and I'm sorry.