I am with funkygrandma on this. If you are getting sick because you have contracted a cold or Noro virus or any of the other "bugs" that float around community living facilities then I would question their cleaning practices and if they are properly cleaning areas when a resident gets sick. On the other hand if you are getting sick due to stress that is another thing. Would it help if you visited but do so from "afar". Watch her have lunch, pop in when she is napping. It is difficult watching a loved one decline and they are no longer the person that you knew. Even more difficult when they do not know who you are. What you decide to do is YOUR decision. And you will have to make peace with that decision.
NOW...if your mom had been abusive I more than get it and I firmly believe that to visit someone that has been abusive is detrimental to YOUR mental health. If this is the case you are under no obligation to visit.
If it’s making you sick to visit her, don’t go. If there’s a risk of carrying an infectious disease to her and others there, don’t go. Everyone deserves to stay as healthy as possible, and if your decisions help all of you to do that, you’re doing the right thing.
Are your sicknesses really all in your head and just an excuse to not go and see your mom the way she is now? I don't know, I'm just asking. I know it can be very hard seeing a loved one who is no longer the person you knew from years earlier and perhaps you're allowing her disease of dementia to get the best of you, thus making you sick(or what you think is sick). Perhaps it's time to cut back on your visits and time to see a good therapist about what you're feeling. Best wishes.
I suggest you give yourself a break from visiting. I don't see any info about your mum other than she has dementia or about your relationship with her. How often do you normally go? Obviously it is too much for you.
Would she know that you have stopped visiting? Could you explain to her that you are not feeling well? You could let the staff know that you are taking a break.
Caregivers have to look after themselves, and sometimes that means putting you and your needs first. Your mum is being looked after by professionals. Maybe it's time for some of that for you. Talk to your doctors about how you are feeling and consider seeing a therapist. Caregiving is very stressful and can be very hard on emotional and physical health. I was a distance caregiver and ended up only visiting my mum a few times a year. We had a very difficult relationship and I needed my space from her. (((((hugs)))) to you.
If you are getting sick because you have contracted a cold or Noro virus or any of the other "bugs" that float around community living facilities then I would question their cleaning practices and if they are properly cleaning areas when a resident gets sick.
On the other hand if you are getting sick due to stress that is another thing.
Would it help if you visited but do so from "afar". Watch her have lunch, pop in when she is napping.
It is difficult watching a loved one decline and they are no longer the person that you knew. Even more difficult when they do not know who you are.
What you decide to do is YOUR decision.
And you will have to make peace with that decision.
NOW...if your mom had been abusive I more than get it and I firmly believe that to visit someone that has been abusive is detrimental to YOUR mental health. If this is the case you are under no obligation to visit.
Simple solutions for simple problems.
I know it can be very hard seeing a loved one who is no longer the person you knew from years earlier and perhaps you're allowing her disease of dementia to get the best of you, thus making you sick(or what you think is sick).
Perhaps it's time to cut back on your visits and time to see a good therapist about what you're feeling.
Best wishes.
I suggest you give yourself a break from visiting. I don't see any info about your mum other than she has dementia or about your relationship with her. How often do you normally go? Obviously it is too much for you.
Would she know that you have stopped visiting? Could you explain to her that you are not feeling well? You could let the staff know that you are taking a break.
Caregivers have to look after themselves, and sometimes that means putting you and your needs first. Your mum is being looked after by professionals. Maybe it's time for some of that for you. Talk to your doctors about how you are feeling and consider seeing a therapist. Caregiving is very stressful and can be very hard on emotional and physical health. I was a distance caregiver and ended up only visiting my mum a few times a year. We had a very difficult relationship and I needed my space from her. (((((hugs)))) to you.