Every time I do it takes him days to get his emotional equilibrium back, and I realize it is my fault. But I am his sole caretaker, definitely never meant to be a nurse, and I get soooo tired having to do everything, including keeping the mood upbeat. I am only human, on heavy duty antidepression medication, and so disappointed with how my "retirement" has ended up. I have already endured six years, and know I have many more years to go -- probably until the end of my functioning years. I do get out once or twice a week, but he takes the joy out of it for me by knowing what buttons to push. How does anyone survive caretaking?