My mom always talks about how this person said if she needs anything she just needs to ask. how do i get her to ask. first, I cannot even calculate the gas going down to my mom's every week. Second, my husband is doing all the labor remodeling her bathroom except what the plumber is doing. We are getting all new plumbing. This house has been un-inhabital for a long time. So, the plumber is 1400 and the materials are around 1400. That’s pretty damn cheap for a new bathroom. What if lee couldn’t do it what would she do? She said she will get lee something but it won’t be much. Today she received a check from our neighbor insurance company because her daughter supposedly hit a deer (no deer anywhere) at 3 am. She took out a huge chunk of electric fence with the posts. I remember asking her if she called the police because she needs a police report. Okay she did but she didn’t want to get her in trouble and she didn’t want the neighbor to be mad at her. I kept asking her to contact her. Well she called bureau county and the damage was in another county. She said bureau county was going to refer it to the other county. Basically I spent the whole day trying to find a report. I got the insurance phone number so she could call the neighbor insurance company to make a claim. I kept asking and asking but I know her, we will later. I finally said wait a minute when you say we you mean me. Then the last time I asked she said you call? I said no way. Well she got a check for 2800 dollars. I am like okay who is doing the work. Well I am not doing anything until spring.

Everything with my mom is later and it never gets done. I said let’s get it done now. She was like if we got it cleaned up at least. I said you mean lee and I right. Well well I didn’t say anything. I will go out and help. Right. You can’t even stand up and your going to help. I was really angry. I talked to lee and he said sure give me the money. He was joking around but she said she will but first the materials and two gates and he can have what’s left. There are so many runs to menards that she has not paid us for. So-gas at least two hundred miles once a week for months, labor for a new bathroom, new wagon and gas for mowing grass every week, and all those trips to menards. I asked her what happened to her 20,000 for the bathroom. Well my medical bills/5500, the rotor rooter man 800. So where is all the money. I did get her out of collections and overdue bills. But they came out of her regular check. I told you how her hair dressers husband offered to cut the grass if we cannot make it. I brought that up because I wouldn’t have known anything about it because she didn’t tell me. She said she forgot. So today I brought it up as an example of how she won’t get anyone else but us. Now she conviently said her hair dresser didn’t tell her that. Any suggestions? I am so angry at her. She is manipulating us just like she did when I was a kid. I am really starting to see why my brother was upset with her. thank you 😊

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Staffbull, I've stayed away from your threads because you clearly didn't want to hear what I was trying to say. I'm glad you are finally waking up to the dysfunction that drove your brother to act the way he did - IMO your mother has been playing you all along.
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thank you and you are all right, now i understand more of what my brother has gone through. it’s crazy because all of a sudden she is watching her money. you would not believe how many times we had to bail her out, furthermore, we were nice enough to send them to las vegas for their 45 wedding anniversary then she went thr next 6 years with us paying for the room or airfare because she couldn’t get a credit card because she abused them. but of course she never paid us back and she didn’t tell my daddy about us paying for it. she still lies. i am going to work on boundaries.
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She can only use and abuse you and DH if you let her.

It is hard to tell a parent that trained us in our youth to dance to their screwed up tune, but it is possible to say "No!"

Why are you paying when you know she has money? That she cashed the check for the fence probably means that she in a round about way agreed to the amount, which is really unfortunate because the insurance companies will always low ball the price. It could be a 10k job, who knows if there were no estimates.

You know that you will need to set boundaries and stick to them for anything to change.

My dad does similar things and I use your term, When you say we, you mean me?" Makes him mad when I say "nope, not gonna happen unless you can do it."

Hard to do but keeps my stress and resentment levels low. Just dealing with these personalities make me irritated.

I pray you find a way to set good boundaries.
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If I were you, I'd be backpedaling right about now.... hateful to feel and be manipulated, isn't it? Sounds as if she wants you two at her beck and call all the time, and paying for her stuff, too.....
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Isthisrealyreal Oct 2018
I agree mally1.
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