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Been responsible for parents since I was 16 years old. My dad is deceased 25 years ago and it just continued on with my mom now she is 86 and I am so tired I think I have burn out. I have 2 brothers, they don't do anything just me and my husband which is so good at helping me. I just want to throw it all down and walk away but I know I can't. that is my story.

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crzyhorseldy, what I said to Old Sailor goes for you, too, honey; it's time, and for the same reasons.... too much for you now. Because both of you live like this, you don't really see how bad it is, but it is, and neither of you should continue to live like this. I, too, love my DH to pieces, but he would never want me to go this far to care for him; he'd want professionals in a nice place.... as I would, as your LO's would if they were as they used to be.
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Ginger may & crzyhorseldy

Thank you both for the replies.
Being some one that does not care the least bit about pro sports, it leaves me with nothing to do except to take care of DW. She is non verbal and right now she cannot stand let alone walk. I can't get her into bed which would make some services easier. I am sure like and many others, I can't even get to the stores without hiring someone to sit with her. Now I have difficulty washing her.
I have decided that today I am going to call for non emergency medical transport to the ER for her and see if I can get some answers and results. I simply cannot lift her any more. I have muscles aching I never knew I had .
Knowing that there are others like me or close is sad but comforting. Knowing that I can just just unload here without criticism sure helps.

Thanks to all.
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golden23 Mar 5, 2019
oldsailor - I hope you find some solutions. Sounds like it is becoming too much for you. You are so faithful. (((((((hugs))))))
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I'm not sure I feel like I can't live my life; I definitely feel like I cannot do several things I would like to be doing because I am caring for my mother. I felt the same way when caring for children. I look at it like a season of life. I cannot take the job I would really love because it involves limited travel. I can work closer to home. I love football and have been very into it at certain periods of my life; other periods I valued spending time with the children more than watching football games and totally lost touch with football (other than children's football). I have weekly respite hours but I would still like to attend some local concerts/festivals/events. I would like to take the grandkid generation to the pool or a movie more often. I planned to and chose to take care of my mother in her old age. These limitations on my life are the natural consequences of my choice. I had years living the life I wanted before Mom needed me. I should have (God willing) years of life to live as I want after Mom passes on. This is the season of caring for Mom.
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I think I might get a consult with an Elder Law attorney and see what the situation is. I'd explore the possibilities to see what could be done so you can get some freedom and rest. A financial expert might help too. If you haven't ever worked or paid into a retirement plan or social security, I'd explore how you might gain income.
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Parents who groom their children to become their caregivers are often narcissists. It is how they control their child in order for the child to do their bidding. It is expected for life.

Adults have options. You do not "have to" be responsible for another adult. That is a lie your parent told you in order to control you. Do what you have to do to live your life. Your life matters.
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Yes and it has gotten worse. Not parent but my wife. I spend all day, everyday taking care of her. Changing her , cleaning her, dressing her, etc.
She cannot be left alone. Today is Monday and I haven't been out of the house since Friday except once to get the mail.
No buddies to talk with. Can''t go any place, even if I could get her in the minivan. She has out bursts in public, "accidents" from her slacks, can't walk now, you name it.
No activity even if I hire a companion, I am stuck and on a time clock.
Fortunately I retired before diagnosis. And there is no family to step in to help.
This seemingly life for the duration or until I have to commit her.
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GingerMay Mar 4, 2019
Sailor - we are all here for you. I wish my dad would come here but he won't reach out. I however have found the people and insights here so helpful, and sometimes feel like they are more friends to me than those who have known me since childhood. Blessings and prayers to you and your dear wife.
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Yes and you aren't alone. I understand feeling tired and like you cannot live your life because your parent needs you, jumping at each phone call, putting personal plans on hold or even cancelling because your parent's current need seems more urgent or simply just sacrificing to make them happy. I understand feeling the weight of their existence on your shoulders, and I know what it is like to have a sibling who is no help. I also believe strongly that your life is important and you matter. Your happiness, your home, your life with your spouse, career, physical and mental health are actually more important. Taking that responsibility at 16 is a heavy load for a young person and you've been doing it well into adulthood. I do not know details of your mother's status, but it is ok to back off and carve out a life for yourself. Make your life a priority.
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