Oh, I get it! I cared for my mother for 20 years who has Parkinson’s. Fifteen of those years were in my home. It’s exhausting!
Do you have any outside help at this time? Is it feasible for you to hire someone or think about placement in a facility?
Are you facing financial issues with your father? Are you aware of how Medicaid works?
I know it’s scary considering we are in a pandemic. It would require some research.
You have my empathy. Neurological diseases are brutal.
It’s extremely frustrating and painful watching a parent decline.
As much as we want our parents to be cared for, we cannot forget about our own needs.
Please don’t make the same mistakes that I did by devoting my entire life to mom. Everything else in my life took a back seat.
I was blinded by it all. I became crippled by it too and felt completely helpless.
Please don’t find yourself in the condition that I found myself in.
I didn’t know about this forum. I believed that I had to meet all of my mom’s expectations on my own.
As you are finding out, it’s so much larger than a one person job!
Fortunately, my caregiver days are over. I burned out.
I had issues with mom and siblings. Some people will understand how hard the tasks of caregiving is, both emotionally and physically. Others never will.
Ignore anyone who doesn’t support you! The last thing you need is negative criticism and lack of support.
I am glad that you are reaching out. Take it another step by calling Council on Aging in your area. Tell them your story. Get some feedback.
Also speak to your mom’s doctor about connecting you with a social worker that specializes in elder care.
I ended up speaking to a therapist.
I can tell you that we learn a great deal about ourselves if we are willing to speak with an objective professional.
It’s very helpful to speak to someone about our situation to learn coping skills and decisive plans for the future.
Wishing you all the best in your decisions regarding your father’s care.
Whatever you do, do not feel badly about needing additional help.
There is no shame in knowing that you can’t do it all.
In fact, I deeply admire those who know their limitations regarding their circumstances.
I read your profile. You have a lot on your plate! Please do whatever you need to do to get some relief from this heavy burden.
You sound like you're experiencing caregiver burnout. That will happen if you aren't taking enough time away for yourself. You must make yourself a priority, not just your dad. If that means that you have to hire some outside help to come in several days a week so you can get some time away, then do it. You will be amazed how just getting a few breaks here and there, can really change your perspective on things. And if you're needing more than that, then it's probably time to be looking for the appropriate facility to place dad in, as he certainly wouldn't want you jeopardizing your health for his. Caregiving is the hardest job anyone can do, and we're not all cut out for it, and that's ok. That's why there is always a plan B and even a C or D. You have to take care of yourself, or you certainly can't be any help to dad, so please start doing that. God bless you.
Hi Sammy, I understand what you are going through, I went through it. Your father needs or is going to need 24 hour skilled nursing care. Please consider placing him in a facility for his sake and yours. If you need help on how to go about doing that, let us know, we can help guide you.
Hello Sammybucca, based on the info in your profile, it sounds like you certainly have your hands full, to say the least. I think the advice you will receive from those who have walked in your shoes will require a little more info from you: - are you your father's durable PoA? - does your father live with you? If not, what is the arrangement? - do you have any idea what your father's financial condition is? - what stage of PD is your father in currently? - what do you want the outcome to be: help in caring for him where he's at? Thoughts on transitioning him into a care facility? How to continue being the only one providing hands-on care for him?
Sorry for the questions but your answers will get you the best insights, wisdom, advice, etc. Blessings.
Sammybucca, I can understand what you mean. We are placed into a "job" that we have had zero training, and there is no one to show us what needs to be done. It's all trial and error, usually with a lot of error.
Not everybody is cut out to be a caregiver, and there is nothing wrong with that. I made it known to my parents that I will not be hands-on but I would be logistical and that in it self was exhausting. I do not know anyone can do both.
Also, I believe our parent(s) still view us as being someone very much younger. I was in my late 60's helping my folks, but they acted like I was still 35 with a ton of energy.... sorry that ship had sailed. That alone I could not convince them.
Can your Dad budget to have a trained caregiver come in for one shift to help out? To give you a much needed break.
Do you have any outside help at this time? Is it feasible for you to hire someone or think about placement in a facility?
Are you facing financial issues with your father? Are you aware of how Medicaid works?
I know it’s scary considering we are in a pandemic. It would require some research.
You have my empathy. Neurological diseases are brutal.
It’s extremely frustrating and painful watching a parent decline.
As much as we want our parents to be cared for, we cannot forget about our own needs.
Please don’t make the same mistakes that I did by devoting my entire life to mom. Everything else in my life took a back seat.
I was blinded by it all. I became crippled by it too and felt completely helpless.
Please don’t find yourself in the condition that I found myself in.
I didn’t know about this forum. I believed that I had to meet all of my mom’s expectations on my own.
As you are finding out, it’s so much larger than a one person job!
Fortunately, my caregiver days are over. I burned out.
I had issues with mom and siblings. Some people will understand how hard the tasks of caregiving is, both emotionally and physically. Others never will.
Ignore anyone who doesn’t support you! The last thing you need is negative criticism and lack of support.
I am glad that you are reaching out. Take it another step by calling Council on Aging in your area. Tell them your story. Get some feedback.
Also speak to your mom’s doctor about connecting you with a social worker that specializes in elder care.
I ended up speaking to a therapist.
I can tell you that we learn a great deal about ourselves if we are willing to speak with an objective professional.
It’s very helpful to speak to someone about our situation to learn coping skills and decisive plans for the future.
Wishing you all the best in your decisions regarding your father’s care.
Whatever you do, do not feel badly about needing additional help.
There is no shame in knowing that you can’t do it all.
In fact, I deeply admire those who know their limitations regarding their circumstances.
I read your profile. You have a lot on your plate! Please do whatever you need to do to get some relief from this heavy burden.
Take care.
- are you your father's durable PoA?
- does your father live with you? If not, what is the arrangement?
- do you have any idea what your father's financial condition is?
- what stage of PD is your father in currently?
- what do you want the outcome to be: help in caring for him where he's at? Thoughts on transitioning him into a care facility? How to continue being the only one providing hands-on care for him?
Sorry for the questions but your answers will get you the best insights, wisdom, advice, etc. Blessings.
Not everybody is cut out to be a caregiver, and there is nothing wrong with that. I made it known to my parents that I will not be hands-on but I would be logistical and that in it self was exhausting. I do not know anyone can do both.
Also, I believe our parent(s) still view us as being someone very much younger. I was in my late 60's helping my folks, but they acted like I was still 35 with a ton of energy.... sorry that ship had sailed. That alone I could not convince them.
Can your Dad budget to have a trained caregiver come in for one shift to help out? To give you a much needed break.