My mom has acute heart failure, she's had 3 occurrences of cancer, rhuematoid arthritis, diabetes, blood pressure issues, and the list goes on. There have been a few trips to the hospital for her heart failure over the past year and she was admitted again two weeks ago for heart failure and hyponatremia (extremely low sodium). Her thinking has been affected this time, she is displaying dementia type of behavior. The dr said it's some kind of mania, it may pass or could be her new normal.
I have taken an unpaid leave from work to be there for her and have been at the hospital every day from early morning til night. She expects me to be there 24/7 and help with all nurse duties. (I'm not a nurse) I'm also staying at her place because I live 3 hrs away. When I'm not at the hospital, my mom phones me to tell me she needs help. It's like a stab to my heart. Mostly she's just confused but getting 2 am calls telling me she's dying and they've disconnected everything is awful. She was so sharp before and this hospital stay, whatever is happening has messed with her mind. I have no idea at this point if she will be leaving the hospital or not.
In between all of this I've had to go to the notary, her bank, deal with her taxes etc.
I'm taking two days to go home to my own place so I can basically cry, process everything and pull myself together so I can be strong for her. I am totally on my own, no spouse or shoulder to lean on. I'm so stressed and I feel guilty like I should be there but I just needed to breathe and be in my own home for two days. I feel like hiding in bed and pulling the covers over my head but I know I need to keep myself going. I guess I just need to vent and know that I'm not totally alone. Can anyone relate? Am I horrible human for needing some time?