mother is almost 98. I don't want anything to do with picking out a casket or anything of this nature. I want nothing to do with it. She has had more than enough time to get her affairs in order. How to ensure that I do not have to be involved.
An Executor cannot do anything until Probate is filed and that can't be done until at least 10 days after death. Then Probate Oks the Executor and gives them a short certificate so they can deal with the banks, etc.
Me, Mom had a Medicaid burial trust where I put her insurance money, I had to cash in. I set up everything then. Asked what coffin she had for Dad and went with that.
You do not have to do anything. You are not responsible in any way. If asked what you want to do after her death, just tell the funeral director to cremate her. They will need to wait for payment until probate is settled. You will not be allowed the ashes until the bill is paid. I am sure that funeral homes are used to waiting for Probate or an insurance pay out before they are paid. My Ex sat on a shelf at funeral home until his Sister finally paid the bill 4 yrs after his death.
If Mom has no Will she dies intestate. You or a lawyer, can become her Administrator with all the responsibility of the Executor. Difference being, the State determines who inherits. If you are an only child, then you get what remains of her estate. I would go with a lawyer allowing them the % allowed for an Executor so I would not have to deal with anything.
My mother was angry that we told her she had to preplan . She wanted her kids to pay for it all . She relented and said to just do a copycat of my father’s funeral
Perhaps whoever has POA can at least prepay a cremation with Mom’s money . If your mother decides to plan , then change the plans and the cremation money goes towards it . At least this way it’s already paid for before her death .
I'm with ya on that, luckily my brother is the POA, I will help if asked, do what I have to do respect my mothers wishes.
Burials are actually rather disturbing to me, to think my loved ones are in the ground , just gives me nightmares, I'm a cremation kinda person. But you have to respect there wishes. Just as I want mine respected.
As far as a 98 yr old making there own plans, they absolutely should, but they just DON'T, for whatever reason. It is what it is
As for me, everyone knows, I am donating my body to science, and they will , cremate me at no cost.
And I want no sad memorial , I'm only 60. So haven't gotten much farther than that, but I don't want a sad memorial, I want a celebration of the life I've lived.
Are you the Executor of her estate? If not, then you won't be expected to. If someone else is her Executor, then inform that person that you're not to be contacted for that info.
If your Mom doesn't have anyone else to do it, you'll have to inform her facility (if she's in one). If she's still in her own home and has no Executor, then just have her cremated. It's much cheaper and you don't have to pick out anything "fancy". You don't have to keep the ashes, either.
Also, if anyone contacts you about needing this info, then just tell them you're not going to do it. You are under no obligation to be the decision-maker.
She's not in a facility yet altho she supposedly is going to go to a nursing home. Whether she does is anyone's guess. We are estranged. She doesn't have an executor of her estate so far as I know. She doesn't have anything. She did send me a note a while back (something she wants done), but I don't want anything to do with this, I want nothing to do with her. I highly doubt she has pre-paid for a burial. I don't want to be on the hook for this, either. She has money enough to pay.
No one is going to hold a gun to your head to do anything. You are free to not do anything because you aren’t her PoA or her executor.
Look, I get it! It sounds like you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. So stop trying to argue with an irrational woman. You will NEVER win!
Don’t allow yourself to be an audience for her dramatic performances. She can either do a solo act without an audience or shut up.
Walk away. Be at peace. Don’t allow her to own a piece of your heart and soul before or after she dies.
Best wishes to you.
If you don't wish to be involved simply say so.
If there is, however, no one else, your mother will be taken by the county and basically "disposed of" which will be out of your control.
Me, Mom had a Medicaid burial trust where I put her insurance money, I had to cash in. I set up everything then. Asked what coffin she had for Dad and went with that.
You do not have to do anything. You are not responsible in any way. If asked what you want to do after her death, just tell the funeral director to cremate her. They will need to wait for payment until probate is settled. You will not be allowed the ashes until the bill is paid. I am sure that funeral homes are used to waiting for Probate or an insurance pay out before they are paid. My Ex sat on a shelf at funeral home until his Sister finally paid the bill 4 yrs after his death.
If Mom has no Will she dies intestate. You or a lawyer, can become her Administrator with all the responsibility of the Executor. Difference being, the State determines who inherits. If you are an only child, then you get what remains of her estate. I would go with a lawyer allowing them the % allowed for an Executor so I would not have to deal with anything.
Perhaps whoever has POA can at least prepay a cremation with Mom’s money . If your mother decides to plan , then change the plans and the cremation money goes towards it . At least this way it’s already paid for before her death .
Burials are actually rather disturbing to me, to think my loved ones are in the ground , just gives me nightmares, I'm a cremation kinda person. But you have to respect there wishes. Just as I want mine respected.
As far as a 98 yr old making there own plans, they absolutely should, but they just DON'T, for whatever reason. It is what it is
As for me, everyone knows, I am donating my body to science, and they will , cremate me at no cost.
And I want no sad memorial , I'm only 60. So haven't gotten much farther than that, but I don't want a sad memorial, I want a celebration of the life I've lived.
If your Mom doesn't have anyone else to do it, you'll have to inform her facility (if she's in one). If she's still in her own home and has no Executor, then just have her cremated. It's much cheaper and you don't have to pick out anything "fancy". You don't have to keep the ashes, either.
Also, if anyone contacts you about needing this info, then just tell them you're not going to do it. You are under no obligation to be the decision-maker.