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My husband lost a set of about 12 keys. One for his truck and the rest for tractors, buildings, etc. wouldn't believe me that they weren't stolen. Said he would spend the night in his workshop and catch them. We looked and looked..finally found them in the ignition of one of the tractors he is working on. I actually don't like being around him. marymember

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You are right. It is not fun to live with someone who has dementia. You experience loss after loss, as the dementia progresses. And there is no one to bring you a hot dish or a bouquet of flowers and mourn these losses with you. Come here. Tell us about it. We understand!

It helped me a lot to keep firmly in mind that these annoying behaviors were not my husband's real attitude toward me ... they were a result of the dementia. My mantra became "It's not Coy, it's the dementia." Crabby is no fun, but it might help not to take it personally.

I am so glad you have a neurologist involved who is going to evaluate and perhaps modify the drug regimen. What was helpful at one time may not continue to be forever.

I suspect a loss you will both experience soon is that he will no longer be able to drive. Yes, he hasn't gotten lost yet, but that is really the tip of the iceberg of bad possibilities. Under the stress of an emergency, will he remember which is the brake? Will he be fast enough in his response? Is his judgement still adequate for such a responsible activity? The need to stop driving occurs early in most cases of dementia. This is something else to discuss with the neurologist. If at all possible the decree should come from a medical person, not the spouse!

A book I really found helpful was "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss.
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Its not easy to be around someone real grumpy like that, it is either like walking on eggshells or just painful. You are taking all the right steps. The lost keys, anyone can do at least occasionally, and some people are better at admitting they screwed up than others, but if its all the time, yeah, something's going on, and they didn't put him on Namenda and Aricept for no reason. I take it you wouldn't find it real romantic to have spent the night in the workshop. The bad mood...well, my hubby gets more unreasonable if his arthritic hip is hurting him, and he will often toss and turn all night in pain rather than get up and get a Tylenol, and then says he just didn't think of it. Actually, some people get cranky on the memory drugs and they don't work all that well for many and are not always worth it.

Humor helps a bunch too. And I find it worse when I am feeling down myself. Are you getting a little depressed too? Do you need a serious infusion of some high quality chocolate molecules (oral route recommended, though IV would probably work), or some girl time at a really really good coffee shop? Retail therapy?? Spa day? It wouldn't be selfish, you would be doing it *strictly* to motivate hubby to want to put on his glasses more often, right? Just sayin'.... you need to keep your own cup full when you can.
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Dear Pam,

I am having all of his medications evauluated by a neurologist. She is studying all medications he takes, as there are many, including Aricept and Namenda.
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I feel your pain. If he is on statins, ask the MD if they are really necessary, they can harm memory over time. Tell the MD there are memory problems and ask for a good look at medications.
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my husband, although he has Alzheimers, can still drive and I don't think he has gotten lost. He stays busy working on tractors and small engines. He is retired military and is 76 years old. Handling all our finances, etc., has been hard. There is always something new for me to learn. His short term memory is wosening. I also have power of attorney for two more elderly people who live here. One is in the nursing home and the other in assisted living, but require a lot of my time and energy. I am 78 and it isn't easy. marymember
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thank you, pam...however, he found them so I couldn't take the credit..he is confused but gets real grumpy.....he does still drive..hasn't gotten lost.....
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It is pretty common for wives to be uncomfortable around a grumpy old man. Mine is losing his hearing but refuses hearing aids. Can't see but won't wear his glasses. (Maybe it's a blessing, he can't see what I look like). He scratched a fender at the drive thru and was really pixelated about it. "We wanted to grow old together" I said "I guess we're there". You might have said " There they are! In the tractor! I drove that tractor to the Mall and I guess I left the keys in it, aw shxx !" and smile and kiss him. Humor will get you through.
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