I don’t know what to do- my father in law has short term memory loss. He is currently in a nursing home for rehabilitation therapy.

Thank you everyone

It is easier to get him into LTC if he goes right from rehab. I think BILs are asking too much of you. You have done your share. Stand up for yourself now because once you take this on it will be harder to get out. 90 minutes driving a day every day is a long haul. What happens when the weather is bad, you don't feel good or ur Mom needs you? Tell them sorry, but No. Explain why and make sure your husband backs you up. FIL will only decline making caring for him harder. Wonderful that your a caring DIL but if the BILs don't go along with ur plans, then they need to come up with their own leaving you out. I know ur close to him but ur health and ur Mom should come first. Good Luck and make sure u come back and tell us what happens.

SB18, please see a lawyer that has Medicaid credentials and that can help you figure out what financial aid will be available. Is the family member out of state? Medicaid doesn't cross state lines. You will be responsible for 24/7 care soon, if not now, and you won't have time for your mother's care. 40% of caregivers die before the person they are caring for. The people that disappeared when Mother in Law went to facility will send Father in Law to you for summer and never take him back.

They don’t want to see their dad in a home when their mom was dying they completely disappeared and it was up to me and my fil they couldn’t handle it I also get where my husband is coming from because we have been taking care of him since his brain injury in 2006

Staffbull18

No. Just no on moving FIL in with a son and without supervision during the day and no help in the summer. That is a disaster waiting to happen. Moving him closer to you makes the most sense.

On the other hand, it is not your decision to make, is it? But you can decide on your own contributions.

1) You will no longer handle his medical affairs. Too far away.
2) You will not have him in your house for the summer.

Yes, it is time, and past time, for the brothers to step up. But NOT in a way that makes life even more miserable for you. You are taking care of your mom. You have your own health issues. You are NOT driving an hour and a half for each medical appointment. You are not hosting FIL for the summer.

Your husband means well, but he is kind of cutting of his brother's nose to spite your face. I hope you can explain this to him.

BTW, why do the brothers not want him in a care center? Are they thinking to save money for an inheritance? Is it genuine conscience?

I am also in a tough place his sons met and they decided to move him in with one of his sons who had never gone to see him called once and didn’t even ask how he was doing it’s 45 minutes away from where he lives and where we live all his friends are here and so is his doctor and they are gone at least 8 hours a day and they still expect me to take care of his medical care so I have to drive up there and then back and then back up there but when they are gone for the summer he will be with us I don’t know what to do he wants to live with me but I don’t think the boys care what he wants and that he cannot stay by himself for that long but my husband is worried about me because I still have my mom to take care of and I have my own medical issues and since his accident in 2006 and when their mom was dying the other two kids skated and didn’t do anything for 12 years my husband said it’s time they step up I am just so worried about him

Thank you everyone he keeps calling me to come get him I may only be the daughter in law but he looks to me for everything and I am trying to take care of my mom in another state anyway is there any issues if I am able to move him to a nh that is closer and is in network with his insurance

I see from your profile that your father in law has alzheimer's / dementia. It sounds like he will need assisted living or a nursing home. Don't bring them home. Where are his children in all of this? He is blessed that you are concerned about him. Come back and let us know what is going on.

Hello,
It is hard to answer without more information. Many people have short-term memory loss and live on their own, others need full-time assistance. If you can give more details you might be able to get more specific advice.
Best of luck
Margaret

The social worker at rehab should help if asked with whatever is needed. Permanent placement in a Medicaid facility, Medicaid pending? That is what the social workers are so good at.