Now I feel like if I say anything it will never be right. Oh I was looking on Facebook and came across an advertisement for a photo studio. I kept looking and it’s my youngest niece about 9 months pregnant. That really hit me and my poor mom said she won’t live to see the baby. Then I am down about my fil. He got dressed to go outside open the door and the girl asked what was he doing. He said he had to get his car to pick up his wife to go to the post office. I turn it over but is it okay to still feel something. I feel like the one year that I acted like everything was fine and I was in so much pain from the eating disorder I drank a half of a shooter. I am not there I feel like there’s something wrong with me.
It is a real thing, your suffering.
Time to take a short break from your "friend", who is not acting like a true friend just now. Do not burn any bridges, yours is not the only friendship stretched by one person's caregiving focus. You can decide at a later time if you still want to have a friendship, but for now, take a break without announcing it to your friend, just become kindly less available for awhile.
Caregiver Support groups, or a counselor/therapist can help you to talk it out.
As well as caregivers here can listen, and provide constructive feedback, because we are there, or have been. Share your pain on here.
You are loved, whether or not there is something wrong with you. Try not to judge yourself too harshly. Under the stress you are feeling, your perceptions of self and others close to you may become skewed. Take it easy! Be kind to yourself.
I know it hurts and it's very unsettling when it's a good friend & I'm so sorry Staffbull.
I'm really sorry you hit your head so hard too.
Take good care of yourself~{{{hugs}}}~
I have been keeping up with your posts. I said this before, this thing with your brother is not your fault or Moms. It was how your Dad wanted things. I really think your brother had been thinking about leaving farming and Dads Will made his decision. You can do nothing about how others feel or how they choose to live their lives. Leaving may have been the best thing he ever did. He may be happy with his decision and you are dwelling on something you have no control over. Let it go. Worrying about it will not change things.
Right now Mom is who your attention should be on. She has a new Will she is happy with. If she brings up brother, tell her you understand but you have to let it go. Tell her, lets enjoy what we have and maybe brother will have a change of heart.
FIL, he is not your worry. He is your husbands responsibility. You have Mom.
You just have to except how things are and are going to be. I would make a jester every so often concerning brother. Like u did before, I think you left him a message. You can send the niece a note congratulating her on her baby. Include a check to spend on what the baby needs. Tell her you and Gma think of her often.
I really hope that brother sees Moms side of things before she passes. Just know that this is not something you can mend. He has to.
Do you have a therapist or counselor that you meet with?