I don't know what to do. Any help?

I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly.

Please contact a social worker. Call your mom’s doctor and ask for the phone number of someone to help you. A social worker can help you figure out a plan.

Best wishes to you.

I was in the same situation and decided to leave last may. I was the caregiver for my grandmother and she was o cruel and so was my whole family towards me. My grandmother was racist and she slave driven me and fired the lawn guy when I moved in. I didn’t want to move in but I was guilted in. I was only supposed to be there to watch and call 911 if she fell and kept her company. Then, I became caregiver promised pay and two days off. I was supposed to have the weekend off even if they hired a caregiver but my grandmother was so against it. They told me by yelling at me and intimidated me to do things and said I would have to do this and that and I need to water the plants every day. I even had to mow. My sister tried to help me mow because I didn’t know how to work a lawnmower but she had something against her doing it because she said she was white. She would try to set me up by asking me to do something and when guest came over she complained about me doing what she asked me to do and guest would attack me and I would stand up for myself saying she asked me. They then treated me like I was causing drama after they yelled at me saying they don’t want drama. I was supposed to have two weeks off. The first time I was ambushed to help my sister out which was supposed to be only a couple of hours and she took over those two days and I was not given two days off after that because my grandmother was against that so it was stopped and I was snapped at for that. My grandmother kept setting me up for elder abuse, especially on my birthday. She hated birthdays and would do anything to ruin birthdays except for her own.

she really tried to set me up the time she pushed herself down and tried to blame the bruises on me. She was getting too much. She was faking not being able to walk as much as she could and pooped all over the walls to spite me but was irritated when she found out someone else was there and had to clean the walls because she thought I would be there but I had to work. She accidentally spilled it out that she did that on purpose. She made herself fall again and was afraid to go to the hospital but wanted to pretend she can’t walk. The ems said they would have to take her to the hospital if she can’t walk. She got up and walked and went to bed by herself.

this last time she pushed herself and we decided she had to go to the hospital. My family would not leave me alone because I wanted to rest and get myself some sleep and time to myself before I went to go see her and have me call the hospital to get updates when they could be. They were constantly calling and texting me and would go and wake me up if I didn’t reply even though they gave us the information they had and the family could get the information. They finally left me alone when the hospital said that they refused to stay even though they wanted to keep her for a few days. My family became silent when I asked if they could pick her up so I can finally get some sleep. No reply. So I packed all of my bags and told my boyfriend we are leaving and said they can handle grandma if they feel that she is such an angel and so perfect and want to keep me from sleeping but finally leave me alone when I need their help.


they hired a caregiver the next week, cleaner and garden and lawn person. I was told that I put the family through hell but I told them to eff themselves. My sister manipulated the situation and had two caregivers fired because she wanted to get paid. My grandmother told me my sister doesn’t get paid enough and all that she gets paid to do is sit down but I put my grandmother in her place because she chose to do it, is actually getting paid, gets two days off and don’t have to do a quarter of what I did and isn’t working. It was my grandmother racism coming out. My mom has to pick up my sister slack because she wanted to fire the caregiver giving my mom having to watch my grandmother two days to relieve my sister. They still try to guilt me into doing it

Its time to place Mom. You can no longer do the caring.

You have posted before with no background information. How old is Mom? How old are you? Do you live together?

From what I read you seem to be having a hard time dealing with her Dementia. Believe me, I never fully got used to Moms either but thanks to this group, I understood it better. She can't help herself anymore. Mom has no short-term memory. She is forgetting how to do everyday things. She actually can't do for herself because she is forgetting how to. She can no longer be reasoned with. Her short-term does not allow her to remember from one day to the next, to one minute to the next. She can't remember to eat or if she does she forgets she does. She probably needs help with her ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). Dressing, bathing, ect she needs to be reminded of. She can't be taught because her short-term doesn't allow it. As the desease progresses she will get more like a small child. Needy and dependent on u. She isn't making things up. Her reality is also TV and her dreams. Her brain is telling her these things are true.

I would talk to her doctor and tell him/her Mom now needs more care than you can give. If she has no money for an Assisted Living, then see if she qualifies for Medicaid. If she is living by herself, she shouldn't be. So an eval will be good to see if she needs 24/7 care. I would take her to a Neurologist if she isn't already going.

My Mom lived with me 22 months and then I placed her in AL. When the money was gone, I transferred her to a LTC facility. I found early on I was not a Caregiver. I understood her Dementia but I had a hard time dealing with it. Its OK to say "I can't do this anymore".

Seek help for yourself to comb out your options. As I have no idea the situation, I can have no other advice for you. Wishing you the best ongoing. Your elder may require placement. That also means that you will need to leave that elder's home, if that is where you are living, get a job, get slowly back up on your feet and move on. I hope you find resources to reach out to. Start with contacting the doctor of the elder you are caring for, tell him or her that you are leaving and that will put your elder at risk; ask for resources. Call the Council on Aging/Agency on Aging in your area to get ideas of resources. You may need APS to report elder in danger at some point if you must leave. Your elder apparently cannot cooperate with you; the elder may require guardianship or conservatorship by the state for placement.
I am so sorry and wish you the best.

You say in your profile that the person you are caring for has Alzheimer's. Someone with Alzheimer's often times can't help themselves, and are often paranoid too, so what you are describing is all part of the disease. When caring for someone with Alzheimer's or dementia, it's always best to educate yourself about the disease, so you can learn about what to expect, and not to take what they say or do so personally.
I hope and pray that the person you're caring for isn't living by themselves, as it sounds like you're just there on the weekends or every 4 days. They need 24/7 care, and if that's not you, then it's time for them to be placed in a memory care facility. That way they will receive the help they need, and you can start rebuilding your life. It's not too late. I wish you the best.

It’s a good thing that you recognize you can no longer do this. A worn out caregiver is no good and the care provided turns resentful. It’s not your fault, it’s simply too much. Make a plan to start changes today. Barb is right, call and say this person needs care

Are you living with the person you are caregiving for?

Call your local Area Agency on Aging and tell them that this person needs help and that you are no longer available.

Can you start there?