I Don't Know What to Believe

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UGH! Dementia is hard. I have a hard time deciphering my Dad's version of reality or what's real. Lately, Dad keeps complaining that his portable oxygen machine is shutting off on the days that he visits the Adult Day Center.

I honestly don't think it's the case, but that could be a serious issue if it really is shutting off. Dad can't see the indicator lights, and I wonder if he just can't feel the machine working.

On the other hand, the Adult Day Center does have quite a few interns that may not know to turn the small portable machine off while Dad isn't using it (he switches to a wall unit once he sits at his table). I thought about putting a note on the machine reminding the staff to turn it off, but I think that's a bit passive aggressive, and I certainly don't want to make a big deal out of another one of Dad's "false realities".

He's also stated that the AL staff is taking the snacks I buy him (Cokes and chips). I have experienced a weekend where I put 4 20-ounce bottles in the fridge on a Saturday and was down to 1 the next day. I'm certain Dad didn't drink that many, but he could have given them away or ANYTHING. He says the same thing about the snack pack potato chips that I buy him. He's convinced someone is taking them, but I think he may be forgetting that he's eating them.

Sodas and chips certainly aren't such a major issue, but I would be lying if I didn't get a little ticked at the thought that staff members are taking snacks that I bought FOR HIM. However, without me being there, there really is not real way of knowing.

I did place a note on Dad's fridge that read, "Please ask before removing items from this unit", but even that seems a bit B****Y, especially if this is all in Dad's head.

So, is there any easy way to get to the bottom of this. Mind you, I can only do the "go along with it" game so far. I don't really do well with dementia.

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I'm having similar issues with Dad in his Memory Care facility. Some of it is believable, and some just is too far fetched. And I believe that all of it is real to him, so it's hard to deal with. The facility suggested that I may be a 'trigger' for him to find problems bc I've been the fixer for him for so long. (Family rarely visits, but when they do, they get the 'good' stuff... no complaints.) I want him to be happy, tho, so I want to take care of issues that are really real.
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Tinyblu,
I don't do well with dementia either. I'm forever learning and changing my responses to my 94 yr. old mother. I'm tired! Who knew in OUR retirement that we'd need to be so 'on our toes'? Gosh, isn't this supposed to be our 'wind down' time? Haven't I lifted my fair share of patients in my 39 years as a nurse, only to have the hardest job for last? Ah well, enough griping.

Regarding the snacks, could you send the Cokes and chips only for THAT day with your Dad? Then he would have his portion but no one would be able to walk off with any extra munchies.

Regarding the oxygen, there has to be one responsible medical person in the center that can change his portable O2 unit to the wall unit. (Doesn't the portable unit alarm if it's on and he isn't using it?) Ask to speak to the person who switches him to the wall unit and devise a way to make sure his unit is off. (Maybe a tag on the unit and they could write the date. That way you would know they checked it.) Don't feel bad for needing peace of mind regarding your father's breathing. They should understand.

"Dad keeps complaining that his portable oxygen machine is shutting off on the days that he visits the Adult Day Center."
"he switches to a wall unit once he sits at his table"
(Your dad is complaining that his portable machine is shutting off when he is hooked to the wall unit? I guess I don't understand.)

Nothing is easy.
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