My stepdad is “ caring” for my mom who had a massive stroke 2 years ago and refuses to acknowledge that he cannot meet her needs. He pulled her out of skilled/rehab 8 mos early because he couldn’t stand being home alone. He refuses to include her family in any care decisions, is controlling about who can visit when, he’s stuck in the anger phase of grief, in essence his “ care” has caused her significant decline. You can’t have a conversation with him because he becomes angry and shuts down the convo. He plays the martyr and is passive aggressive. It makes going there unbearable. It is so painful for me and my daughter because they have the $ to get mom all the care she needs. He refuses to even look at a CCRC where mom could engage in regular brain stimulating activities, have friends and not feel judged, they could share a bedroom again in independent living. BTW I worked in a CCRC for 10 years and he never asks/refuses my help, asks my opinion nor puts any credibility in anything me or my family has to say. I am filled with dread when I visit her on the weekend.
"Unintentional neglect is usually based on factors such as ignorance or denial that an older person needs as much care as he or she does, or due to the provider’s lack of time, emotional resources or physical or cognitive ability to provide the needed care, often resulting in reckless endangerment or worse."
It would be good to get Mom's take on what she feels she needs. If a quiet, honest conversation isn't doable, a third-party assessment would be a good place to start.
tread softly but firmly. If he does not have HER best interest as a priority it is elder abuse. I’m so sorry you have to deal with him.
How does mom feel about her care? Is she seen as competent by her doctors?
Does MOM exoress the desire for a change?
If yes, get her to a lawyer.
If not,
You could call Adult Protective Services if you think your mother's "care" amounts to neglect.
You could sue for guardianship of your mother.
Let us know a bit more; it will get you better answers.