I don’t know how.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My Dad went through a similar situation at about 64. He had surgery for a bowel obstruction and he didn't come through it well. His O2 saturation dropped into the low 80's. My mom was offered the option of letting Dad out of ICU and to be put on hospice with morphine.

Mom couldn't accept that Dad could possibly be dying at such a young age. The doctors were not taking his underlying neurological condition into account. They kept giving mom hope that he could get better. He ended up with a tracheotomy, a feeding tube, and a colostomy bag. Then he contracted MRSA in the hospital.

As painful as it is, you are doing the right thing by considering the fact that your husband may not be able to come home again. Of course, if he does start improving you can opt to do everything you can. But sometimes accepting the reality is the most humane thing you can do. It was awful the way my Dad died, and he lingered for months with zero quality of life.

They kept telling mom everything was reversible, and he could recover. But those of us watching his neurological decline over the previous year felt strongly that this was all false hope, which mom really hung onto every word of.

I can't imagine how painful this must be for you, but I pray that the doctors will be honest with you, and that you can make decisions based on reality. Please keep us posted.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now, full well knowing it would not solve anything, but just knowing someone cares could make all the difference to you. So many on this forum care❤️❤️

Please don't say you're "ashamed of yourself" for not knowing how to navigate brand new territory like this! Medical crisis situations for elders are frightening and not something you should know how to manage simply because you love this man. Please be kind to yourself and speak with hubbys doctors to learn the prognosis here. God bless you and keep you as you care for yourself along this difficult journey.

get his doctor to evaluate for hospice care. Then go through your options with hospice for inhome care.
Talk with social worker,
crying is all part of it… I’m a very leaky faucet right now. It hits and I cannot control it. My DH isn’t going to make it.., and it is so freaking hard..
people ask me what will I do when he goes?.., Really?
my short answer is: Sleep.
Sleep.
It never gets easier. I’m noticing that this is as hard if not harder when I went through this with my mom. Breathe, just know, its ok to be a leaky faucet. Although he is “sleeping “ I will get extra steps in by removing myself from his sight…
I just feel like screaming .

Sadly most people don't survive sepsis or septic shock. My late husband after developing aspiration pneumonia and almost dying developed sepsis and septic shock.
He was in the hospital for over 2 weeks, then to the hospice home for a week(as they thought he would be dead in 2 days)and when he eventually came home, he was completely bedridden and under hospice care for the last 22 months of his life. And even though I initially had help from my oldest grandson who was living with me at the time, and had to hire an aide after he moved out to come help me, it still was very hard on me to watch the man I loved so in this helpless condition.
I would talk to your husbands doctors today about putting him under hospice care, and let hospice find a facility for him to be placed in where you can spend whatever time you may have left with him.
I'm sorry you're going through this right now, but know that you're stronger than you realize and that you're going to be ok when it's all said and done.
God bless you.

A surgery that has complications is often a real game changer for older people. His doctors couldn’t have foreseen this, but it does seem they could have better prepared you both for the possible outcomes. I’ve seen this in my family, going to rehab and being told to get better, but instead seeing a backwards slide and mental confusion. Do hubby’s doctors know this is happening? Please be sure they’re fully informed and ask for their prognosis going forward. It’s perfectly okay if you cry, this is changing your life too. See the social worker where hubby is, or ask for a referral to get information on where he might go from there. Make sure legal documents are in order. A visit to an attorney may be in order. Taking steps may feel overwhelming but it will also provide you a sense of some control in an uncontrollable place.

So sorry your husband is not doing well. He might recover a bit. He's been through a LOT. Going under for surgeries can make someone confused. How long do they expect him to be in rehab? Is he trying to do the rehab or uncooperative?

Have you talked to the staff about how he is doing and what to expect? Don't give up quite yet. He could rally.

If he does not, he very well might not be able to come home again. Slow down and take it more day to day. You've been through a lot too.

Talk to his doctor. See if it is time to bring in hospice to help. Or palliative care.
This extra support can bring about some improvement and greater comfort.

So very sorry for your struggles.
There is no shame in not knowing what to do. His health is a great concern, and we need to keep trying for those few good years still.

I do think that you are correct. He almost certainly is not able to come home in your care again. It could kill you. What then for him even in terms of your loving visits.
Continue to visit and support him. Let the Social Workers know NOW, this week, that his care is beyond you and you are going to need placement.
Ask them for their support; considering seeing an elder law attorney as regards keeping finances separate in a way to protect your own finances for your own are when it may be needed.
Do you have family or friends who are supportive at your side?
My heart goes out to you.