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My Sister has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Her husband tricked my sister into giving him POA. He is flexing his muscles refusing to let her siblings to speak with her doctors even to the point of kicking her son out of the hospital room and not allowing him to go to see her at home. He has also been setting up a case against he saying she incapable of making decisions on our own, but he got her to sign a power of attorney, saying that it was for him instead of her. He will bring her food but does see that she eats. He wants to stop her chemo, even though she is getting it great results. He has painted a picture that she wants to die. Now he wants to put her in hospice to stop all her meds. What can her family do to stop my sister husband from sabotaging her to point she may die. We need to get her away from him immediately. He is good at covering his tracks saying she mental. Please after any suggestions that will get her to a safe place. She is not safe with him.

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This really sounds Like domestic violence to me . I would get her away from him and get a restraining Order. Ask to speak with a domestic abuse councilor . He has no right to stop her chemo or Put her into hospice . This is domestic violence and she is being abused .
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AlvaDeer Apr 18, 2025
It is said "He paints a picture she wants to die". What if, in fact, she DOES want to die. We are not hearing here what SISTER wants. We are getting a glimpse at a war between her husband and her sister, as regards her future and her treatment.
For me, I need to hear what the sister wants, or what her advance directive says. As a cancer patient myself this is prime imperative to me. She, as I would have, made her HUSBAND her POA. That is important. We are getting one side here. I would love to hear from the husband, but most of all, I would like to hear from the sister.
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If your sister is able to speak she can discuss her concerns directly with her doctor or send her a registered letter explaining hers/your concerns. She can contact her lawyer who is in charge of her Living Trust to remove her husband & POA and assign somebody else. She can request her doctor to send her own medical staff to evaluate her situation. Contact elder Affairs and see what they would recommend. Go to your sister's home if she is not able to communicate with anyone then call the police. Once they arrive, explain your immediate concerns and let them know she is being cohersed and is being manipulated to the point of no family members have heard or been able to visit with her and tell them that is extremely not like her. Request that the proof of POA be shown to the Police. Request to go inside with them to speak with your sister without the husband in the room. If they allow you in (if your lucky that is), ask your sister if she feels safe staying in her home with her husband Or have the officer ask several safety questions. Find out who her living trust lawyer is to see if his in fact her POA. Thereafter, request welcare checks on your sister if she decides to remain at her home. Who is her Medical Proxy? Be sure to hire an attorney in Family Law to see what they can possibly do. I recently went through a similar experience.
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If your sister remains competent she can change her POA at any time.
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As POA only he can talk to doctors and staff.Sister can revoke the POA and assign someone else. She can also put people on her HIPAA form. If she is competent to make decisions the POA is not in effect. Maybe APS can be called in.
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How do you know this if you aren't able to see her?

Why don't you go to her house and call the police to report that she's being held hostage against her will, and ask for a police wellness check. When the police arrive, tell them that she is being intimidated by her husband and you would like to go in with them to help her speak with them without the husband present. Then she can tell them that she is being held hostage.

If she's in the hospital, go there and report that she is being abused and intimidated by her husband, and remind the doctors that they are mandated reporters for abuse. If they object, keep escalating higher and higher up the management chain, including the hospital's lawyers and CEO. Just keep asking for the next level person. Insist that they produce the documents he is using to prove that she is incompetent and that therefore his POA is in effect.
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If she has cognitive capacity she picks up the phone and calls 911 and reports her husband. His PoA is not in effect if she has all her mind. If she doesn't have access to a phone or internet, then your family can report the abusive situation to APS who has the authority to see her. She has to be assessed medically for hospice by doctors, so, she can't go into hospice care unless she actually meets certain criteria -- even in-home hospice. So, this seems like nonsense. You can have an attorney send a letter to the husband forcing him to present his PoA paperwork. Has he actually shown it to anyone? A PoA is not obligated to show it to just anyone, but a lawyer will know how to threaten him to do it before a judge. As AMZebbC pointed out, if he's guilty of what you are saying, then someone will need to step in to become her legal advocate, or a judge will assign a 3rd party one.
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POA is determined based on who the person chooses. In most cases POA is a legal document executed by a lawyer with a notary present for signatures.

He is her husband but the accusations alleged in the post suggest an person not of the best interest of the patient. Perhaps he is respecting the preset directives of the patient that you and family are not aware of.

Are you certain this isn't what your sister wishes? Are the emotions of her disease, life expectancy or quality of life diminishing dictating the accusations?

If this situation is truly as you state, it will best to go to an attorney with experience in POA and guardianship. The attorney will advise you and determine if this is a case that should go forward.

Be aware, it is very complex override a POA without the patient agreement. Then to gain Guardianship is another expensive and legal avenue after revoking POA if she is deemed incompetent.
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