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My mom is 81 years old and lives on her own. I use to feel close to her, up until about 2 years ago. She is not very affectionate and fusses and complains a lot. She lies a lot too and is rude, critical, and expects her kids to do so much for her. She is demanding and selfish too. I lived near her my whole life and decided to move to another town, 2.5 hours from her with my son. Just wanted to try something different. She has a history of mental illness and has bipolar tendencies and cannot control her tongue. If I speak how I feel, she hangs up the phone. I am always walking on egg shells with her and just decided it would stop. I feel I needed to start a different pattern in my relationship with her. My 5 other siblings know how difficult she is and just put up with it or don't call her, sometimes for a month at a time. It is sad because she is old and needs caring but I lost how I feel because she is just so mean all the time. I still have a dedication because she is my mom, but I just had to step back and reevaluate our whole relationship and really see it for what it is which is not that much anymore.

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It sounds as if moving away had great results. You made the right choice. Once you were out from under your mom's toxic cloud you were able to see clearly. I hope you don't feel guilty, sometimes we have to save ourselves. The geographic distance between you and your mom will help you heal from all the negativity.
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Reply to Eyerishlass
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Oh gosh, I understand. I just posted something similar myself. I have longed to feel like my mother’s daughter again. I have wonderful memories with my mom. Your feelings are normal. I struggle too with complex emotions of dealing with an elderly parent. I have difficulty with siblings as well because they are not interested in being a help to my mom or me.

Some with mental illness manage it well with the right meds. Others don’t. Perhaps speaking to her doctors again to let them know how she’s behaving because they don’t see themselves how they are acting and even get mad at those who care the most. It’s hard. I feel for you. God bless you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I'm sorry, its hard to come to that realization about a parent. I would try to find somebody to talk with, it helps! I don't have a real connection with my mum anymore. And if i was real honest....its never been good. She does not see this, she does not see me. She only see who she wishes I was. I live very far away from her....I'm thankful for this! And my distance is a real problem for her. She expects too much. (me retiring at 55 and live her life) I can't. I can't be the person she wants me to be and my relationships would greatly suffer. She is too much to deal with all the time. She constantly has a problem with something or somebody. I just read Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud and its helped me so much. I hope you can find some peace.
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Reply to mathisawesome
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