I do not want to go see my Mom in assisted living. Any ideas?

Regarding TexasLady's replies, I agree wholeheartedly with Garden Artist. I have worked as a fundriaising and program/organizational development consultant for both child care programs including foster care, and nursing homes. As in everything in the Universe, there can be no good without a corresponding bad - and vice versa.

Briefly - TL has NO idea what she is talking about. My MIL will be moving to a Memory Care facility nexty month, after spending the last 15 months with us. She is now at the point that we can no longer provide the level of care or stimulation she needs. Thus, we researched and visited a half dozen facilities (and would have seen more if needed). Interestingly, we were surprised and dismayed to find that the 3 Catholic ones were at the BOTTOM of our list for what we would consider quality care. I was also very surprised to find that a for-profit facility was, in our educated opinions, better than any of the non-profit facilities we looked at.

Several years ago, the NY Times ran an article about "toxic parents". There were hundreds of comments - many would make anyone cry. TL must have blinders on not to know that there are parents who should never have had children. Seriously.

Finally - only a very selfish parent would INSIST that their adult child - hopefully with a happy and successful life of their own - would sacrifice YEARS of it to care for them. I deeply hope that TL's daughter will make the right choice for herself, her children, and her marriage/adult relationship - as well as her own financial future - when the time comes.

Anita, your post and past experience reminded me of an experience of my own, way back about 50 years ago. I worked for the County Juvenile Court, which handled both neglect and delinquent cases.

Some of the neglect cases would make others nauseous. The biological parents just had no interest in the children and clearly wouldn't or couldn't care for them.

It was always kind of a sickening moment when the judge placed the children back in the custody of those who had already abused them, trying to give them another chance to live up to their responsibilities. Many of those children should have been removed from the so-called family unit long before their cases were reported by police.