I am 89living in independent living in Tampa Florida. Have lived a good life but feel that I am just waiting for the inevitable.. I have lived in Europe Canada although born in US. in US lived in Palo Alto, Ca, Houston, 40 years in Missouri I have a PHD..Two children both mds in their 60s. Have traveled extesivly in Europe,lived in Paris and Strasbourg. Spent 7 weeks in Hawaii. Mexico.I was still driving to November then fell Now require walker .
But at night by myself I took care of wife with dementia for 8 years, She finally died in December in Memory care. Watched that for a year also have seen assisted living I moved into independent 3 years ago with wife After her death my son "Dad you are going to need to reinvent yourself" L have given lectures Wite for newsletter, play Bingo 2 nights a week. Also pinochle twice I go on extra excursions this month tto a Japanese restaurant and NY deli as a bay cruise. We have good food Dinner have choice of 6 entrees. There are so many people here with great resumes for conversation In other words I nave done what everyone says to do. My daughter is retired here and we have dinner once every week. GRanddaughter and 2 children are here.. But at night when I am by myself I keef feeling so tired often crying and asking why go on. Doctors say that I will probably lived another 5 years of decliining health and unable to do the things that require traveling as I once did..Wny is life worth it?
We all have a lot to give, including you, and even though neither one of us can travel, we can STILL enjoy life and bring joy to others. My daughter is having a baby in December, I have a grandson to play with, and I woke up this morning.
No doctor on earth can predict how long we'll live or what will happen next week, nevermind 5 yrs down the road! My doctor had me dead and buried in 2023 and here I am today, still a fireball.
Go volunteer at a children's cancer ward and feel useful again. When you finally do pass, the line to greet you will be SO long, you'll be thoroughly shocked at how many lives you touched here on Earth, nevermind that there IS an afterlife indeed!
Today someone needs someone to talk with. Someone is as lonely as you are and would like to go play pool in the facility, but he won’t ask because he’s brokenhearted from losing his spouse and their home and his dog. A woman whose sister never visits would like some to take her mind off her absent sibling and would enjoy sitting with you in the lobby while you relate stories of your life.
Go find these people! You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.
Seems night before bed is the worst time for you. Does the facilty have any grief support groups, talking with others who are feeling the same way might be helpful, or a meditation before bed, or low dose anti depressant??
Try to keep staying engaged I love the idea of writing your memoir!! Also just because the doc says you'll have declining health doesn't mean it will happen! As of this moment you CAN keep doing things tho not as far away. Cherish the moments with your family, your children and granddaughter. You know who they are!! Your faculties are intact!! You can eat and enjoy food!! So much to be grateful for. Perhaps a gratitude journal at bedtime, only things to be thankful for on any given day.
It's hard to control the nighttime thoughts. I hope this helps a little.
You ask: "Why is life worth it?"
You have friends and family who love and care about you. You have a sound mind, a lifetime of memories, and you're able to live with dignity because dementia hasn't robbed you of these things. This makes life 'worth it'. Granted, you don't believe in God and that's fine, but for lack of a better term I'd say you should try counting your blessings.
You need something worthwhile to do. Why not write a memoir of your life? This would be a treasure for your adult kids and grandkids to have. Hire an assistant to help you with it. I really think this may help you overcome some of the sadness and depression you're suffering with.
If this is the best advice your doctors can offer you, I suggest you seek out some other doctors. I mean, really - we are all facing declining health and mobility as we age! Is that really the best medical advice they've got?
Right off the bat, let me say I have traveled plenty in the past few years, and have seen scores of people traveling with walkers. And canes and wheelchairs and mobility scooters. And accommodations have been happily made for those people. So, if you want to continue to travel, a walker, in and of itself, shouldn't be that much of an encumbrance.
Have you told your primary care person how depressed you get at night? Have you considered - of have they suggested - a mild anti-depressant? It sounds as though you are living a way fuller life than many people your age do, and I think you might find medication can take enough of the edge off to help continue that life.
Please do speak to your doctor about what you've been feeling, and if you are met with derision or indifference, find another doctor who will listen and offer you more helpful suggestions.
But the best way to get your mind off yourself and your issues is to do things for others. You'll be pleasantly surprised how quickly your attitude will change for the better.
This life isn't all about what we have done for ourselves, but what we have done for others.
So my question to you is...what have you done for someone else lately that really made a difference in their life?
I used to volunteer for a cat rescue/rehoming nonprofit but had to stop when I could no longer perform the required tasks. Now I am not needed by anyone except my husband and our 15+ Y/O senior cat. Husband is 95, and I plan/hope to hang around as long as he and our cat do. If they predecease me, I'll be looking to be outta here. Switzerland, perhaps. . .
I lived in 3 countries and in Canada now which 4.
I would like to travel more and live every year for about 6 months in different countries. Portugal, Southern France, Amalfi Coast, Vietnam, Bali, Morocco, Colombia and few others.
For some of us nomadic lifestyle is appealing. I can totally immerse myself in other cultures.
I am also interested in many subjects, cultures, arts etc, so I am reading a lot of travel articles and sometimes plan something. Even knowing it is very unlikely to happen as my husband’s health is declining and we will never travel again, so that is sad as he was so fully engaged in travels with me before.
And there is nothing I can do.
I had plans to travel alone winter/summer, his health issues became priority. Such is life.
I am studying Spanish albeit not very diligently lately.
And I found few other hobbies. Keeps me busy.
But totally understand how you feel, for us who crave traveling it is very hard to give it up.
Writing a book about your travels is not such a bad idea!
There are travel shows to watch . Virtual tours on line . Books , articles on line to read about other cultures and countries history etc.
You can google images , and other peoples travel photos are available to view as well.
There is a lot out there to be able to see , read and learn from a chair, IF it should come to that .
We here can’t know if you would find travel too difficult . There is always the option of hiring a helper to go along with you. I bet someone would like to go on a trip .
I also agree you are grieving and possibly a mild antidepressant may help ,
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